Death

We all wish life were as easy as a video game.

This thought sat at the back of Haruki’s mind all his life. Ever since he was a child, he’s had an obsession with escaping from reality. Through video games, through anime, through manga, and through…well, let’s say some less than savory X-rated stuff.

He dreamed of being the type of person he knew he could never be: a hero who slays the demon lord and gets the hot girl that had been pining for him all along his journey. Or better yet, a harem of beautiful women — all enraptured with him through no effort of his own. That’s the type of life Haruki had always wanted, he refused to recognise anything less than that.

Yet every morning when he woke up, he was forced to confront the hopeless reality that he lived in. He was alone, depressed, utterly worthless.

“Arigatou gozaimashita (Thank you very much)” he said, beaming a forced smile. This was the phrase Haruki was instructed to say to every customer after completing their purchase.

After dropping out of college he got a part-time job as an employee at a nearby convenience store, so that he could at least keep the lights on in his little apartment. He didn’t like it, but it was an easy job, which is the only type of job he was willing to do. The fact that he had been working the same minimum-wage job for the last seven years was testament to his lack of ambition.

Some days he had to be on his feet, checking and replacing the inventory, mopping the floors, etc. However, he preferred days like this where he could sit behind the front desk all day, only having to move when customers wanted to make their purchases.

Today was another slow day at the front desk, no different than any other.

Haruki liked to pass the time by secretly watching the customers as they shopped, moving his eyes between them so it didn’t look too much like he was staring at any one in particular.

He carefully observed every detail of each customer’s behavior and appearance, criticizing them in his mind over whatever little imperceivable flaws he found. He particularly enjoyed disparaging the regular customers he had seen many times before, as each time one came he could add something new to their entry in his internal catalog of faults.

He would never admit it, but this hobby made him feel better about himself.

“People-watching again today, Haruki-senpai?” the gyaru sitting on an upturned crate beside him asked. The sound of her long nails clacking against her phone irritated him.

“I told you not to address me by my first name, Arai-san.” Haruki retorted, not even bothering to answer her question. She was just looking for a reaction.

“Aww, don’t be so cold, Haruki-tan.” she continued, trying a second time to get a rise out of him. Haruki didn’t humor her with a response.

The girl was a younger co-worker whose shift overlapped with his a couple days per week. Since their manager wasn’t present, she was slacking off again tonight.

Considering how her fingers were always moving a million words per minute on her phone whenever there was no manager looking, Haruki judged she probably had a boyfriend. Not that he was interested in her though, he thought she was a brat. Besides, he had long ago lost any interest in 3D women.

Haruki's gut started to feel a bit weird.

Something from lunch must not be agreeing with me, he thought to himself. 

After the sun fell and the world outside grew dark, his shift ended. Haruki stepped out of the warm fluorescent lighting into the cold air outside, heading back to his home.

Every day he would hole himself up in his room after work, escaping into the world of fantasies. The rest of his night would be spent between sipping instant noodles and staring at a computer screen.

This was his daily ablution; after spending the bare minimum time each day out in the real world, he devoted the rest of the night at home to cleansing himself through fantasy. This had been his nightly habit for as long as he could remember, since at least middle school.

Every day was the same, he had given up on life before even beginning to live.

That night, Haruki woke up in a sweat.

His chest was beating like crazy, and a shooting pain was piercing through his side, like he had been stabbed by a blade.

“Hhhh…hhh-!” he gasped, trying his best to call for help, unable to even get out any words.

When he tried to sit up, his head swirled and he nearly lost consciousness again. As fear and panic spread through his body, his heart beat even harder, as if it were trying to tear itself out of his chest.

His feet and hands began convulsively shaking, yet he was unable to move his body from his bed. He was forced to lay there, the pain in his side throbbing and growing with every exasperated breath.

His mind raced with a million thoughts, pouring out of his subconscious so quickly that they slipped from his grasp before he even had the chance to comprehend them. Finally, a single coherent sentence formed in his head, instantly drowning out all the rest:

Is this the end?

Haruki closed his eyes. He could no longer feel his bed or the sheets around him, it felt like he was suspended in a void, surrounded only by air.

He was then overcome with the feeling of vertigo, his body became weightless and it felt like the organs inside of him were being lifted up. He could feel the downward acceleration of his body in free fall, the cool air pelting against his skin as he descended.

His full body appeared before him, as if he no longer inhabited it. He watched himself as he plunged down into an infinitely deep, black abyss.

Then all at once, the falling suddenly stopped.

A light warmth spread across his whole body, the glow of sunlight colored the insides of his eyelids a faint red.

Haruki opened his eyes.