XXVI. should i pretend

I didn't go to school for the rest of the week, though dad caught me sneaking out on Friday. He must've stayed to work from home or something. Fuck. "You look very lively!" Was his greeting, as he sat at the dining table instead of... his office? "Where are you going? School? You forgot your uniform."

And usually, I'd follow along, say something stupid, go back to my room, but the urge to do what I'd done yesterday and the day before that far outweighed the need for theatrics. Thus, I held it high enough to suffice as an answer.

Dad's passive-aggressive reproach died in his throat. Nothing was born to replace it. "I'll be back before it rains," I told him. He nodded. "Don't worry, I'm just practicing for the sports festival."

He pointed at the soccer ball, slowly.

"I'm using it to practice, yes."

He pointed at me, even more slowly.

"...now you're just exaggerating. I know what I said. I'm technically not using it to play. Just practice."

To call him dramatic would've been hypocritical even by my standards, however; I'd been the one to declare I'd never play with it again after... that mess. Anyway, for the third day in a row, I went to practice free kicks at the park nearby.

...man, I sucked at this now.

***

Should I pretend the encounter at the infirmary had been a fever dream? Hanamura had seldom messaged me after that, and while I'd tried to start conversation a few times, she'd done little more than send the usual animal pictures. Might as well just tell her to forget about it.

She didn't wait at the usual spot. 

me: Are you still sick?

No response. Perhaps she was.

Kenji didn't wait at the usual spot.  

me: Kenji

me: Do I wait for you or are you missing school today?

No response. 

me: Are you with Hanamura?

After waiting, in vain, for fifteen minutes or so, I went to school with only music as company. It took seven songs to get there on average; today it took ten. Hoshino and Izumi stood at the usual spot by the time I got there, Kenjiless. To say hi would've been to interrupt them, so I didn't. Weird. Perhaps I'd passed the fever on to him by accident.

...or not. He scurried into the classroom seconds before the bell rang. "Hi," he greeted, "You're back."

I nodded, once. Since that statement was self-evident, I saw no need to acknowledge it. 

On the back of his notebook, he wrote, hours later: I've walked to school with Hanamura for the past three days :D

"...really."

yeah, since you've been absent

"Did you ask her to, or...?"

she saw me on the way here

Right, I'd shown her the spot where he should've been that one time. I supposed he wasn't scared of women anymore. I supposed that's what texting them for less than a week did. Gone was the fear. Weird that she'd remembered such a minute detail. "So are you guys gonna walk together from now on?"

"With you too," he said, which made the teacher leer at us. Kenji might've mastered the art of women, but he hadn't mastered the art of whispering. 

On his notebook, I replied, No, thanks. I wouldn't want to be a third wheel.

He rolled his eyes, very Izumi-like. you're not a third anything

"If you say so."

she also likes writing. manga, in her case

"Yeah, she mentioned that before."

have you read her stuff? it's very good

"No."

she showed me one about a goblin girl

"Nice."

I guessed my one-liners scared him off after that. It hadn't been on purpose. I'd correctly assumed they'd get along once they started talking, just not that... fast? Good for them? Very nice and stuff. Must've been the mutual fear of women. Sharing hobbies. Similar disposition. Have you talked to Izumi about this? I wrote. On his notebook.

no wayy

"Good."

i know izumi's girlfriend hates her. she told me

"Yeah. It's complicated."

hoshino seems nice, though? i don't know much about the drama between them, but to be honest, i don't really want to know. they're both my friends and that's the end of it.

I almost pointed out that he barely spoke to Hoshino and had known Hanamura for less than a week, but it would've been mean to do so. One man's delusion was another man's happiness. "I, uh. I think I'll go practice with Na... whatever his name is during lunch break. You two can hang out. Or you can go with Izumi and Hoshino, I don't know."

"Nase?"

"Yeah."

"He's sick. With a fever." Kenji grinned.

Well then. 

we can go with hanamura if you want maybe I think that'd be okay since Izumi and Hoshino probably want time alone so what do you say? should I tell her?

"As you wish."

Kenji texted her. If I were a teacher, I'd bring some sort of interference-causing device just to ruin my students' day. More than usual, anyway. School was for studying, not asking girls you liked out on a date while forcing your friend to come along as an emotional crutch even though you'd end up ignoring him sooner than later. Talk about a déjà vu.

stalker-chan: why didn't you tell me you'd come back :(

Kenji-sama must've texted her such information just now.

stalker-chan: because you'd come front? :3

me: That's sexual harassment. 

stalker-chan: :(

me: I'm surprised you got along with Kenji so fast. It usually takes him some time to open up to people.

stalker-chan: i'm good at finding out what makes different people open up >:3

me: You chameleon.

stalker-chan: it worked with you too >:3

Including a prank confession at the infirmary. It could've also been the fever, or practice for the real thing once she said it to Kenji. Knowing them, she'd be the one to take the step. 

Was that why her patterns of behavior had been so nonsensical at the beginning? She'd been trying to gauge me—made sense. Once she'd settled on something that worked, she'd changed colors. Some people were like that. I'd be lying if I said I acted the exact same in front of everyone.

Still...

stalker-chan: just to clarify, that doesn't mean I'm lying. 

me: It literally does.

stalker-chan: no :3 if aizawa likes books, then I talk to him about books

stalker-chan: if you like teasing, I tease you back :3

stalker-chan: if I talked to you about the books aizawa and I like, then you'd probably get bored, so I don't do that, and if I were to tease aizawa he'd probably get sad, so I won't do that. get it? people like when you're similar to them, so I just show the things that are similar to the person I'm talking with.

me: That way of thinking is exactly why you ended up in that mess. 

stalker-chan: :'3

At least she acknowledged it.

From the corners of my eyes, I caught Kenji glancing at me, though he looked away quickly.

me: Kenji said we should have lunch together, but you guys can do it without me.

stalker-chan: why :(

me: :3

stalker-chan: Are you busy?

me: Yes.

stalker-chan: if yuki finds out, it's going to be messy, so it's better if we don't

stalker-chan: I eat at the library so it's fine :3

me: Hoshino is too busy seducing her boyfriend lately. I don't think she'll care. 

stalker-chan: you underestimate her

me: Believe me when I say I don't.

stalker-chan: you do :3

stalker-chan: everyone does

stalker-chan: until it's too late

me: You're so dramatic.

stalker-chan: believe me when I say I'm not :3

After last week's events, to not heed her warnings would've been foolish. Sure, Hoshino could be a two-faced piece of shit, but... so? Wouldn't it be wiser to stay in her good graces?

Was that cowardly?

Was it so bad to want things to stay the way they were?

Was it stupid to fear a future in which Hanamura and Kenji began to date, so that they veered one way, Hoshino and Izumi the other, and I...?

Seriously, this is what i got for trying to get asocial friends #1 and #2 to interact with girls. 

If things got messy, it'd be my fault. 

What was more fragile: relationships or people?