Mask

Kritvik Bhatt

The staircase, which was running downward,was behind the two of us. Both of us had our bodies toward the metro tracks, made of nothing but a thick metal pipe, for some reason. The tube-lights were turned on above our heads, but the place still seemed a little dark, especially at the corners of the place. There were a couple of others too, who, for some reason, were spread to the whole station.

I had my hands inside the pockets of my pants, and my head was tilted downward. I was smiling.

On my right, Sana was narrating a story, maybe. Her voice was too blurry to make anything out of it, for some reason.

“Yeah, man. This day… is about to end. I knew it was about to end, obviously, but… I… don’t think I want it to end just yet,” I thought.

“Hey, Kritvik?”

“Y-Yeah?” I turned my head rightward at her.

“Were you zoning out?” She frowned questioningly.

“M-Maybe,” I smiled back.

“Emo, what’s up this time?” She asked me as she folded her arms in front of her chest.

“Nothing, man. I was just thinking about the day, for some reason.”

She smiled as she turned her head frontward. “Well, you can do that when you’re home, emo.”

“Yeah,” I turned my head frontward. “I guess I heard your story until Prakash was about to go home.”

“You see, I don’t wanna go home,” She suddenly replied.

“Huh? Why?” I turned my head to her.

“Well, I wanna have some more fun here. But everyone’s going, you see, and JenCon is just about to end. So it’s of no use.”

“Yeah, man. I don’t wanna go home either.”

“Like, we all didn’t want this day to end.”

“Correct,” I turned my head frontward.

HOOOOOOONK! The metro’s horn suddenly filled the station.

I turned my head leftward, looking at the open bridge where the metro train was about to come. I could see the small figure of the metro which grew larger and larger for a couple of seconds before suddenly speeding past me.

It slowed down as it went past the two of us. Both of us glared at the people inside the brightly lit metro compartments either sitting or standing. Soon, the train stopped, and its doors opened. Both of us started to walk in.

“Anyway, can your dad drop me off too?” She said just as we both stepped into the compartment.

“Yeah su—”

“I can’t believe it!” She exclaimed as she first turned her head right and left. There was no one in the compartment, for some reason.

My eyes widened a little too. “Damn! That’s rare, man.”

“Well, I really wanted to travel alone on the metro for once!” She excitedly said as she ran to the center of the seats on the left edge and sat there.

“Huh? Why?” I said as I walked behind her and sat beside her, on her left.

“Well, it was really crowded in the morning, you see, so I just wanted to see this miracle for once,” She turned to me.

“Yeah, it was damned crowded.”

“I never expected it to be this empty!” She glared into my eyes as I did in hers.

I turned my head frontward, bent my back a little frontward, and placed my elbows on my thighs. “Man, it’s insane,” I said with a smile as I glared into her eyes.

She replied, “Yeah. Like, the whole day was insane.” She turned her head frontward.

I too turned my head frontward. “No doubt it was.”

“… was.”

“Yeah, man. It’s… about to end, after all.” I tilted my head downward, looking toward both of my brown shoes. Both of us stayed silent like that for some seconds, for some reason. Maybe both of us were depressed and wanted to say some stuff. I began first. “Man, I wanna thank you for today.”

“… Me?”

“Yeah. You were the one who told me about this stuff, and I don’t feel that I’d have had this fun if it were someone else, man. So, thank you for inviting me here.”

“Emo, I just… I just invited you, and not… planned the whole thing. Maybe you should thank the organizers…?”

“Maybe.”

Sana turned her head downward too, for some reason. “Well, K, I was just about to thank you too. If… it was not for you, I don’t really think I’d have had this much fun, or… if I’d have been here, you see. So… thank you for accepting my invitation.”

I smiled. “You’re welcome.”

“You… It was you who made me smile and laugh the whole day. It was you who made my day so good, and not the opposite, you see.”

“Maybe it was both ways.”

“Things… are going down really bad in my house, K.”

I frowned. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“It’s my parents.”

There was a little silence that followed that dialogue. I was waiting for her to continue, but she didn’t, for some reason. I turned my head rightward to her and asked, “You can tell me anything you want, man. I… I’m here.”

She smiled. She was still glaring downward aimlessly into the infinity. Her eyes… They were a little wet. They were filled. And, they could leak at any moment. “You’re… so mature when it comes to these things, K. I hope my mom and dad too were…” She moved both her hands up and covered her eyes with her palms. “I’m sorry.”

“You should not be sorry, man,” I said as I seriously looked toward her crying face. Looking at her like this… filled my eyes too. I moved my trembling right arm up and kept it on her shoulders. I patted her right shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’m with you, man. We’ll solve all of that stuff together, okay?”

She kept on weeping and weeping and weeping.

“Seeing her like this… was one of the worst things I have ever encountered. She… All day long, she was so cheerful and happy, after all. And suddenly, she was crying right in front of my eyes. I… I couldn’t bear it, man. I… I wanted to cry too. But I knew that if I started crying too, there’d be no one left to calm her down.”

She sniffed it.

I raised my hanky on my left hand toward her. “Take it, man. Calm down.”

“Y-Y-Yeah yeah,” Her trembling voice said as she moved her right hand out of her face, covered with strands of her hair, and took the hanky. She started to wipe her eyes and moved her left hand down too, her eyes still covered with her hair.

I started to move those strands of hair with my left hand as she continued to wipe both her left eye.

She sniffed again. She then tilted her head frontward for a second as she wiped her face, and then she tilted it downward again. “Like, it’s so embarrassing.”

“It’s not.”

“Shut up.” Her voice was still trembling a little, and so was her face. She then turned her head just a little toward me and raised my hanky toward me. “Thank you.”

I took it with my left hand. “Now, tell me what’s up.”

“I…” She turned her head to the ground again. “I-I don’t know if I s-should tell you something like this or-or not, you see.”

“You… should not, maybe. But, does it matter right now?”

She gulped in and started to think about some stuff. Maybe she was thinking about where she should begin with. Maybe she was thinking if she should actually share it with me or not. I don’t know. But, some seconds passed as she kept quiet, thinking and thinking and thinking. She then suddenly opened her lips. “You… You see, COVID has left a lasting impression on my life.”

I nodded.

“I had friends before the pandemic happened, but… they were not really close to me. They were just… people I’d prefer to spend my time with rather than being alone. We were not close, and maybe, I didn’t really speak a lot when I was with them, you see. So, I always used to think that maybe they don’t really see me as a friend.”

“Okay.”

“So COVID came, and they drifted apart. They forgot about me, you see. Like, they’re in the same class as us, and they… don’t even look toward me.” She gulped in. “So, during the pandemic, I was all alone. So… I got addicted to playing games on my computer, especially Jenshin. Like… Like, it made me feel a part of their adventures, it made me feel things for these characters, and it made me feel like… like I have friends. I loved this game and was addicted to it, you see.”

I nodded.

“So, during the pandemic, I got this eerie addiction of masks. You see, I… I feel safe when I’m wearing my mask. It’s like it has become a part of me. And, if I don’t wear a mask, I… I feel naked.”

“D-Damn.”

“Yeah,” She nodded, still staring downward aimlessly. “S-So, I wear a mask, and I roam alone. I spend time with Kavya because she too is lonely, and I am too. And, maybe she’s a little close to me, she still doesn’t really know about anything happening in my life. So I still feel lonely around her.”

“I understand.”

“And all of that kinda worries me. Because I feel miserable because of all of it. And, I don’t want to feel miserable.” She gulped in. She moved both her hands up and held her head, tightening its grip slowly as she continued, “All of this… is eating me inside. I don’t have anyone to share anything going on in my life. I don’t feel myself when I talk to anyone. I don’t feel like I’m with them mentally with I’m with them. I feel that… someone else takes over me. I feel like I’m just pretending being friends with them. I feel like most of my life, I’m just pretending and pretending and pretending!”

Her grip was so tightened that her arms were literally trembling, man. I moved my right arm up from her shoulders and held both her hands. “Stop it, man. Y-You’ll harm yourself,” I worriedly told her.

She calmed down, her eyes tightened close. “I… don’t wanna live like this anymore, man. As for my parents—ever since the lockdown has ended and my father is back to office, my mom is always fighting him for not spending time with family and always working late. They say so many bad things to each other, K! Sometimes, they even raise their voices so much and fight like hell. I… I’m tired of all of this, K. Please…” She tilted her back downward and covered her face with her knees. Then, in a feeble voice, she said, “Please… help me…”

“I…” I said, sitting beside her. I looked at her back worriedly as she continued to weep, bent so awkwardly to her knees. I, for some reason, moved both my arms around her neck and… hugged her. “I… I’m with you.” I covered my eyes with her back and left arm.

“I didn’t know what else to do. She was weeping so much, and… I was of no fucking help. I didn’t know what the fuck I was supposed to do in this situation. I couldn’t just talk to her parents not to fucking fight, could I? I could just tell her that it’d be alright, but she’d have said those fucking words to herself a thousand times already, obviously, and just words were not gonna fucking help.”

She moved her back upward, and I too changed my weeping position from her back to her left shoulder. She turned her head leftward at my hair as my eyes were now leaking out too. Her face was filled with moisture too.

“Please… don’t cry. I can’t see you cry, man. I can’t see you like this. I’m with you, I promise. I can’t do a fucking thing for you, for some reason. But, I just wanted to tell you that… you can open up with me. You can be yourself with me. You can say whatever the fuck you want to me. I’ll be there, and I’ll always listen to you. I promise.”

She smiled.

“You… I’ll be your good friend. I’ll be your close friend. I’ll be everything you need, man. I’ll be there for you. Always. So… you can take off your mask when you’re around me.”

She pressed her eyes with her palms as she smiled. “Alright.” She nodded. “Alright, K.”

“And, anyway, who told you that I don’t feel myself when I’m with you, K?”