An Insurmountable Summit

I, against all odds, had been granted the mercy of decent sleep throughout most of the next week. But as the deadline approached and interest dwindled despite reposting our advertisement several times, there wasn’t any way I could stop the worried thoughts that flooded my brain all day and night.

Just one. One application, with a deadline in two days. Surely we hadn’t attracted all the procrastinators, did we!?

It was the middle of the night, yet I couldn’t do anything but stare at the celling and think. I could already spot the outlines through the veil of darkness with how long I’d been staring, but my blackout curtains limited the light that entered much more than a normal room. It was so I could ruminate in peace (even though my parents laughed when I said that).

After what felt like an eternity, I gave into my impulses and reached over to grab my phone off the head of my bed, where it spent its days precariously balanced. I had it opened to Eclipse before I could stop myself—and look, dropsgum had already messaged me. Was she still awake?

dropsgum: Sorry for bothering you so late
dropsgum: I’d be really surprised if you even replied!! loooool
dropsgum: Okay but
dropsgum: Do you ever have that feeling like, you’re faced with a really big mountain? And you see everyone climbing it and you wanna show the world that you can do it to
dropsgum: So you try
dropsgum: You try very hard and put your heart and soul into getting up that mountain if only to prove to yourself that you can do one thing right
dropsgum: Then
dropsgum: You just slip?
dropsgum: You end up right back where you started with nothing to show for it. You see all these people celebrating and happy they managed to get to the top, you tried so so so so hard and yet
dropsgum: Why couldn’t you make it?
dropsgum: is there something
dropsgum: Something we’re missing?
dropsgum: Or is it just bad luck?
dropsgum: Ii think not havng an answer makes it worse
dropsgum: Sorry it so hard to type this late! sorry

dropsgum: Goodnight

…

dropsgum: Thank you for always being there

Her last message made my heart stop. Of course I understood the pain she talked about. To see something we worked on be so thoroughly ignored made me feel like a lost hiker wandering through the dark woods. Where were we going? What did we do wrong? Those thoughts weighed on me now. Yet…

Those last words she said.

They cut through that fog of doubt, and made my heart warm. Even if we failed now—no, when we failed, I’m sure that as long as we remained at the end of it, we’d build something new. We’d climb that hill over and over again, until—

TowersFall: until we make it up there
TowersFall: because we will, even if its not today or tomorrow or next week or next century
TowersFall: because i really really feel like
TowesrFall: youre important to me

Before I’d realized, I began to type those very words of encouragement. Surely, once she woke up and saw, she wouldn’t mind it if we weren’t successful this time.

All I wanted was to make sure her spirit wasn’t hurt. That was all. I—

TowersFall: I love you

…

I’d never hit delete faster in my entire life. I shut my phone off and hid it under my bed before burying my face in my pillow. Just what came over me!? I don’t know, it was as if I was possessed, and my heart made the choice for me regardless of what I truly wanted to say.

What I truly…

Did I love her?

Well—we’ve only known each other a couple months. No, don’t jump to conclusions. Just sleep! I can sleep. Oh, I’m actually tired all of a sudden, so I’ll put a pin in this ridiculous issue and shut my brain off.

Or so I told myself, but in the end, I didn’t get a wink of sleep.

I thought it’d been enough, but the snap of a ruler at my desk during pre-calculus did well to disprove that. Once the teacher had turned her back to the lecture, I took in a deep breath and slipped my phone out of my pocket and under my book. I slid it out a little and opened Eclipse, seeing that dropsgum had already replied. Surely, she has classes too, and it’s not as if she’s in a different time zone than me. She really needs to learn to pay attention…

Ah. I guess I can’t say that now.

dropsgum: oh
dropsgum: Do you really mean that????
dropsgum: Omg omg ur way too sweet to me ( ˘⌣˘)♡(˘⌣˘ )
dropsgum: Okay i wont be too down about it if we fail!! Like you said there’s always next time, we can get feedback and work even harder until we MAKE people acknowledge us!!
dropsgum: And then everyone that missed out will feel super bad about it!
TowersFall: exactly
TowersFall: everythings gonna be fine

I sent my reply much later, so I doubted I’d get a response—

dropsgum: Hehehehe
dropsgum: You always say the cutest things (´• ω •`)

That response was deleted a moment later.

dropsgum: Oops my fingers slipped and typed out a totally coherent but actually big mistake sentence wow this weather sure is weird see you later!!!!!!!!!!

Ah.

I was sure that, even if I wanted to string a response together, my fingers wouldn’t let me. I shoved my phone back under my book, just in time to avoid the teacher’s wrath as she stared me down once again.

“Are you sick?” she snapped before turning back to the board. “Stupid kids. Don’t come to school sick.”

What? I felt perfectly fine. Great. Never better. I sighed and checked my face with my phone camera once I was sure she wasn’t looking, only to realize how bright red it was. Enough for my shitty camera to capture it.

…Ah.