Thinking About You

I was reluctant to let him go but I slept soundlessly after Jack went to his room. I didn’t ask him about his date with Ms. Chen. There is no reason to. Firstly, I trust him. Secondly, I really have no intention to stay here, so it’s none of my business what he does with whom. I admit I was almost swayed to go and take him away with me but I think it wouldn’t be fair to just decide on his behalf without asking him first. Not that I would ever dare to ask. I’m too afraid of the answer.

I picked up my phone. Not the one Jack bought me but the one from my original life. It still shows the same date and time when I left my home. If I’m lucky I’ll get there on the exact date I left without my parents noticing my absence. But first, I need to find a way to say goodbye to Jack properly. I might not get to meet him ever again. And even if I do, if I find him in my time, after so many years... Who knows what he will think of me then?

Now that I think about it I might have used this opportunity of going back in time in a better way, than getting close to the chairman’s son and thinking about him all day only to leave him when the time comes. As if it actually comes. After all, it’s me, who gets to decide when is the right time to go but these days it is getting harder and harder to just leave. I wonder whether Jack is missing me already...

******

I feel like dad has been keeping his eyes on me recently. Ever since Mimi left with her parents, he keeps asking me whether we still keep in touch and if Mimi really is the same kind of girl she was as a child. To which I can only answer with a yes, but I wish he would ask it in private and not in front of Asher. Sometimes I feel like he is doing it on purpose. But I don’t think he knows about us, so there’s no reason for him to do it.

It must really hurt Asher to hear me praising someone else in front of him and talking about my time with Mimi at a reception or another event or how I took her to the theatre or a restaurant etc. In these cases, Asher usually has a blank expression on his face but the way he keeps biting on his lower lip tells me he wishes I would just stop talking.

It infuriates me how I’m at home but I cannot freely do what I want the most, I cannot even give a good morning kiss on Asher’s cheek in fear of what would people think... No, more precisely, what would my father think? I don’t fear him but I don’t want to see contempt in his eyes when I tell him that I want to live with Asher and no one else. It’s not even because of Asher's age. Well, on the surface it might be but he can’t be that much older than me, since he came from the future after all. Not that my father would believe this. It’s just... He wants a daughter-in-law. Someone like Mimi. And I have to admit that she is a great choice, I mean she is really beautiful, kind, has good taste and has good humor. But she can never replace Asher.

Maybe I should just go into dad’s office and outright tell him my decision to get together with Asher and that if he disinherits me he can go to hell. Not that it would cheer Asher up. I know Asher disapproves of this idea. He feels like I make a sacrifice for him but to be honest, I’d rather start from the bottom and be with the one I love than become a CEO almost instantly after graduation and be alone, or even worse be married to someone I don’t love. But every time I tried to tell this to him I felt like my point didn’t get across to him because Asher always tells me not to be too rash since I am young now. Even if I see it like this now, it doesn’t necessarily mean I will think the same by the time I finally graduate.

Now that I think about it, it’s funny how he is always concerned about me. Not that he doesn’t worry about himself because he clearly does but it feels different. He really cares about me which is the best feeling in the world. Well, right after him kissing me of course. I wish I could give him more, I want him all to myself but I feel like there’s a wall between us that I can’t tear down no matter how hard I try.

I still remember that the first time I saw him I thought he had beautiful eyes. But my father suddenly appeared which made me embarrassed of Asher’s closeness, so my embarrassment quickly turned into outrage. After that I thought I would never have the chance again to be that close to him, so I could only look at him from afar when he didn’t see it. I’d never imagined that he was actually interested in me. It always seemed like he was just doing his duty and after his job was done he felt relieved to finally get rid of me. Who would have thought that it was the opposite?

I have to make a mental note to ask Emma about the watch. Last night, when she stopped me when I was about to go up the stairs to my room, I didn’t have the chance. And I also wouldn’t want others to hear what we are talking about. But I got the feeling she knows more than she is letting on. And after talking to Asher, it made me think about how that watch got to her. She is either lying and she took it from Asher’s room, or Asher is lying. He lost it somewhere and Emma just found it and gave it to me. Asher lying is out of the question. But why would Emma do such a thing? And more importantly, why would she lie about it? These are all questions only she can answer.

And I can’t wait to find out what she has to say.