What Could I Have Done?

Gently he opened his eyes. His face was wet again. His father was standing next to him, calling out to him. 

Right, I fell asleep. 

Saya?" he said, looking to his right. 

"We dropped Saya off at her house. She thanked you for everything," his mother said.

"She was a really nice and sweet girl. I hope you'll hang out together again," his father said with a smile.

"So, she's gone?"

"Yeah, what happened?"

"W-Well, it's nothing important," Mika said. Saya was gone, and they had arrived at their own home.

He moved his bag into his room, scratched his head, and thought about what had happened. He felt really strange. He took a refreshing shower. After changing into dry clothes in his room, he looked out the window. The sun had already gone down.

 He turned on his computer and accessed the website. Checked the income and sales; everything was going as usual. He saw Saya's name listed as one of the founders. He thought about deleting her for a moment, but then changed his mind.

"I can't disregard her efforts just because our friendship is over," he said.

After spending some more time on his computer, he felt sleepy and went to bed early.

The morning had come. His hair was spread across the pillow and he was wrapped tightly in the thin blanket. Although he had wanted to sleep all night, he hadn't been able to. He had only managed to wake up when the sun came up. 

It must be past noon,

 He thought about getting up, but for some reason he couldn't. In fact, he didn't even want to get up; he had no desire to do anything. His whole body felt immobile. 

W-why can't I get up? . 

Then he realized. He didn't want to get up because once he did, he had nothing to do. Eat, waste time on the computer, and sleep. Without Saya around, there was no one to have normal conversations with.

"I'll sleep some more," he said and closed his eyes.

***

"Mika, Mika, wake up, it's evening. Mika?"

Slowly he opened his eyes. His mother looked at him worriedly.

"W-What happened, Mom?" he asked with sleepy eyes.

"It's evening. You've been asleep since last night. I didn't wake you because I thought you were tired, but you need to eat."

"Oh, I see... I guess I was really tired. Is dinner ready?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'm coming."

His mother went downstairs. Mika managed to get up. His body felt weak. He barely made it downstairs and sat down at the table. The food in his mouth seemed enormous. Each bite he swallowed felt like a lump in his stomach.

 Eventually he ate a little and returned to his room, feeling a little queasy. He lay back on his bed.

What's happening to me? Did I get sick or something?

***

Mika spent the next few days sleeping most of the time. He didn't understand what was happening, but sleep seemed to put an end to all his thoughts.

He had gone to bed early that night. His phone rang and he struggled to reach it as his messy hair obscured his vision. He straightened his hair and looked at the phone. The caller was Rin. In his groggy state, he answered the phone.

"Hello?" he said, feeling like he might faint at any moment.

"HELLO, LISTEN TO ME, MIKA," Rin's voice was filled with extreme anger. Mika, in his half asleep state, listened to the voice on the phone.

"Yes?"

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO SAYA?"

"What do you mean, done?"

"She hasn't left the house for days, she doesn't even talk to us. I'M SURE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU. WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?"

"I didn't do anything," Mika said. Rin's loud voice had partially awakened him, and now he felt overwhelmed with confusion at what Rin might say next.

"DON'T LIE TO ME. SHE CRIES ALL THE TIME. BUT I KNEW. WHY DID WE LET SOMEONE WHO CAN'T FEEL EMOTIONS FALL IN LOVE? WE KNEW SHE WOULD SUFFER!"

"Rin, I..." Mika suddenly got a headache. He was really surprised that Saya had ended up like this.

"SHUT UP, MIKA. AT LEAST SHUT UP AND DON'T MAKE IT WORSE. YOU COULDN'T HAVE TOLD HER TO STAY WITH ME, COULD YOU? SHE TOLD YOU SHE WAS DREAMING ABOUT OSAKA AND ALL THAT, RIGHT? IT'S ALL A LIE, ALL LIES! SHE WANTS TO GET AWAY FROM YOU."

"What?"

"YOU'RE A COWARD. A COMPLETE COWARD." Rin had abruptly hung up. Mika didn't know what to think or do. His ears were still ringing from Rin's yelling as he stared at the ceiling.

His whole body was in pain. His chest felt tight. He didn't understand what was happening, but he was sure of one thing: he was in pain.

He got up from the bed. How many days had passed? How much food had he eaten in those days?  How many times had his family come to check on him? It felt like two weeks, but he couldn't be sure.

Standing was incredibly difficult. It was evening, and he could hear the sounds of the television from downstairs. He began to walk down the stairs, using the railing for support. As he went down, he thought,

 It's easy for someone to call you a coward and blame you. But what could I have done? I tried to keep my distance from her countless times. Each time, she stubbornly came to me and helped me. Are we both guilty just because we're attached to each other? Is that your idea of justice? Is our friendship really over because of a feeling she experienced? 

Mika descended the stairs and headed for the kitchen. His world seemed complex for a moment, as if his connection to reality had been severed. The flow of time slowed down, sounds and images mixed. Suddenly he felt like he was being pulled into a rapidly spinning tunnel. His thoughts, emotions, and physical presence blended together as if he were being pulled into a dream, and Mika felt like he was losing control of his body.

His feet slipped out from under him and as he fell to the ground he was shaken by a cramping sensation. The weakness in his body made him panic.

 The images in his eyes blurred, sounds faded into the distance, and his heart rate quickened.

The boundaries of his consciousness became uncertain; he felt like he was losing himself as his mind was seized by an abnormal electrical storm. The neurons in his brain began an irregular dance. Suddenly the whole world seemed to slow down like an echo.

Mika's inner world became incongruent with the outer world. It felt like a journey through time, where reality and fantasy merged, and then everything went dark. Consciousness was pulled into a momentary void. It was impossible to measure how much time had passed because the meaning of time had vanished.

He found himself on the ground. He felt no pain. He noticed that the ground was wet as he fell; he vaguely understood that it was actually his own tears that he felt. 

He noticed that someone was suddenly running toward him, and felt the ground shaking. His mother was in front of him, screaming. Concern was visible in his eyes.

"Mika, Mika! Are you okay, Mika! Ren, run, something happened to Mika!" He vaguely saw his father rush out of the living room. He felt foam at the corners of his mouth and his vision darkened.

He felt a presence approaching, felt hands on him, heard voices, but the sounds became distant whispers. His consciousness flickered, his grip on reality tenuous. He felt himself slipping away, fading into the darkness.