That’s How Much She Likes Me - I

Sensei… likes me…?

In the silent solitude of my room, I found myself lost in a sea of thoughts. I wouldn’t be lying if I said that I tried to forget what I heard the other day—I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to hear that—but the moment would reply in my hand numerous times. My mind would try to compute the revelation, and it would always lead me back to the countless moments we shared with one another—the laughter, the sad moments, and the sweet ones. There were times when she would brighten up my whole day.

But now, things have become complicated. On top of all that, there was an added layer—a confession he wasn’t meant to overhear, the words that had changed everything. I now saw those memories through a different lens, which changed my whole perspective of things.

But my head couldn’t get around the idea that someone like Sensei could like someone like me. What did Sensei like about me? How long has she had these feelings?

The weight of these feelings pressed on my chest. I closed my eyes, attempting to untangle the threads of his emotions. Do I like Sensei? She’s amazing—simply amazing. But can I reciprocate those feelings? Do I even have the right to feel the same way about her?

I need to know. I have to come to a conclusion.

Do I like Sensei?

A few days passed, and I had recovered from my cold. I went to the nurse’s office for my usual coffee time with Sensei. However, she wasn’t there. Instead, it was a different teacher who was acting as a temporary nurse due to the fact that Sensei was recovering from a cold. Did I give her that cold? I sure hope not.

“Kurosawa-san. Could you stay here for a moment? I’m going to quickly pop out. If anyone needs me, just let them know I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

“Okay!”

The teacher left, leaving me alone in a room full of memories. Looking back, Sensei and I had a lot of nice memories in this office. It was also where we first met each other after the incident. The incident… She saved me back then. Without her, I would be dead. She was my angel; she pulled me back from the abyss and guided me back to the living realm. She was one of the people who comforted me when my sister was in the hospital. She was the one who set me on a journey to overcome my fears. She was the one who stood up for me when no one else would.

I noticed a dark blue book hidden underneath some papers on the desk. Curious about what it was, I took it. There was a name on it. It belonged to Sensei. Was this a diary? To be more specific, was this Sensei’s diary? That’s pretty careless of her to leave it lying around here. Someone could take it and read its contents. Someone might open it and learn all her secrets. 

I was tempted by a deep desire to see what it contained. Maybe with this diary, I can find out more about Sensei’s feelings. One page wouldn’t hurt.

I slowly opened the diary. Skimming through the entires, I see multiple entries, but there were some specific entries that caught my eye.

April 4, 2023

Dear Diary,

A few days ago, I started my first job at a high school. I am their new school nurse. It’s somewhat exciting. I was surprised I even got the role, especially since it’s my first job and I only graduated recently. I was welcomed by teachers and students alike. I think that I’m going to have a good time here.

April 7, 2023

Today was an extraordinary day. I hadn’t had any students come to the office seeking medical attention yet, which made sense since it’s only the first week of the new school year. However, that all changed today. I encountered a boy with black hair and a slim figure who had injured himself during his PE lesson. He was very polite and nice to talk to. But there was something about him that made me think I had met him before. His name was Kurosawa Sozen. I feel like I’ve met this kid before.

April 12, 2023

I encountered Kurosawa in the school library today. It seems he likes to be in a quiet space when revising.

[…]

I noticed a scar on his head. He said that he got it from a collision with an out-of-control surfing board. It is him. He is the boy I saved last year from drowning.

May 5, 2023

Kurosawa has been avoiding me lately. I believed he had figured out who I was, so I decided to confront him.

[…]

As I suspected, he did learn who I was. I was a bit worried he would push me away after that, but thankfully he wasn’t bothered by it. I’m glad we can continue to be friends. I consider him someone I can easily talk to.

May 7, 2023

I bumped into Kurosawa and his sister in the mall. It was quite nice to see his sister after the incident. Furthermore, Kurosawa complimented me today; he was very embarrassed, but it made me happy.

[…]

As a nurse, I knew that performing mouth-to-mouth does not count as a kiss, but I couldn’t help but think about his sister’s comment about how I had my first kiss with Kurosawa. It was the first time my lips touched another person’s lips—a man’s lips, to be exact.

May 8, 2023

[…]

I don’t know how or why, but after he encouraged me to follow my dream of becoming a medical teacher, Kurosawa was all that was on my mind for the rest of the day. Am I in love with Kurosawa? No. I can’t be, can I? But I’m a teacher, and he is a student. I can’t have feelings for a student. Maybe it’ll fade away.

May 15, 2023

It’s been a week, and these feelings haven’t disappeared. Every time I interact with Kurosawa, my heart beats faster. I think I’m in love with Kurosawa.

[…]

Looking back at our time together, it wasn’t a single grand gesture or a momentous event that ignited this affection—it was the accumulation of countless small moments. Ever since I met him, my life has been more exciting. But I feel so guilty because this isn’t fair to him. If I were to reveal these feelings to him, wouldn’t it burden him? I need some time to figure things out.

May 18, 2023

Kurosawa has not been in school for the past few days, but today he came in with a bandaged hand. I tried asking him what happened, and he claimed that he burned his hand on the stove, but I knew he was lying. He has also been acting distant. Did something happen at home? I’m worried about him.

May 22, 2023

Kurosawa was still distant from everything, so I decided to confront the girl he brought to me a while ago. I assumed she could tell how concerned I was for him when she decided to tell me what had happened. After I heard what had happened to his sister, I felt a sense of sympathy for him. I couldn’t help but almost tear up at the idea that he had been suffering by himself. I want to make him feel better. What can I do for him?

May 23, 2023

I hugged Kurosawa today as a way to show my support for him. He was hesitant about getting a hug from a teacher, but I persuaded him to accept it. I want him to rely on me more.

June 7, 2023

Maybe because I was drunk, but yesterday, I was extremely overjoyed when Kurosawa carried me back to my room and tucked me into my bed. I had a bad weekend, but I felt much better after he comforted me. His touch was so soft. I can’t help but fall for him even more.

 […]

Kurosawa has a fear of the ocean, so I decided to help him overcome it. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to have him step on the sand as his first step of recovery, but he was so determined to overcome his trauma that he did it. I’m glad I could be of assistance to him. We also ran around together. It reminded me of my times in high school when I was a student on school trips. His smile always makes me happy.