Chapter 23:

That’s How Much She Likes Me - II

I Need You, Sensei

July 20, 2023

The first day of summer arrived. Yesterday, Nishida-san informed me that Kurosawa’s 18th birthday was coming up, and she invited me to his birthday party. At first, I wasn’t sure if it was okay for me to come to a student’s birthday, but I eventually convinced myself to go. He was very surprised to see me, and he tried numerous times to avoid eye contact with me, which makes sense since I am his teacher.

[…]

I gave him a kiss on the forehead as his present. It’s something my family and I do when we celebrate someone’s birthday or if we want to wish someone good luck. He was very flustered by it. Good. He avoided conversation with me most of the time, so it serves him right.

July 25, 2023

I bumped into Kurosawa at the swimming pool today. I told him that I was waiting for a date, but that was a lie—I didn’t want him to think I was a lonely person. It was good to see him more comfortable near large bodies of water again. We also pretended to be boyfriend and girlfriend, which was fun. I wonder if we would act the same way if we were actually dating.

August 7, 2023

I came across Kurosawa in the cinema today. It had to be a coincidence that we were at the cinema, watching the same movie at the same time, and sitting near each other. It must have been fate.

I looked really bad today, but he didn’t seem to mind.

[…]

I even made a move by sitting next to him since the seat was empty. What if he found it weird? Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.

[…]

The way he ran to me to give me my hat was so cute that my heart almost collapsed on me.

[…]

I must be insane because I also asked him out for coffee. But he offered to go see another movie with me another time. He is really too much.

September 8, 2023

After failing to pass the interview stage, I was really upset. I tried my best to hide it, but it seems I didn’t do very well at doing so. Kurosawa saw right through me and confronted me about it.

[…]

If it weren’t for his kind words and wisdom, I probably would have never been able to get over my depression. He has done so much for me and encouraged me multiple times. I don’t know how I deserve to have this man care for me, but I’m thankful he’s in my life.

December 23, 2023

I can’t believe I asked Kurosawa out on a date. He said he would be busy on Christmas Eve, so we went out today instead.

[…]

There were these boys—I believe Kurosawa said they were from his sister’s university—who criticised his sister and joked about her alcohol addiction. I couldn’t listen to them say such horrible things about him and his family, so I decided to stand up for him. They were much bigger than me, but I wasn’t going to let that scare me. No one hurts my Kurosawa.

I couldn’t believe we fought back against those bullies and ran away. We even held hands as we ran away together.

[…]

We almost kissed! I wanted him to understand my feelings for him. But I knew it was wrong. I am an adult, and I should be responsible, even when it comes to love. If I am going to pursue this forbidden crush, then I need to do it properly.

January 1, 2024

The new year arrived. I unexpectedly bumped into Kurosawa and his group at the shrine while I was waiting for Haruno-sensei.

[…]

There was this unspoken tension between us two. Ever since our Christmas date, we haven’t contacted one another. There were many times I wanted to text him, but I was afraid he would see me as being pushy.

January 8, 2024

I think Kurosawa saw me and Azuma-sensei in my office today. He must have misunderstood the situation because he’s been ignoring me. I don’t know what to do to make him realise that there is nothing going on between me and Azuma-sensei (although I do think Azuma-sensei has feelings for me).

January 9, 2024

Azuma-sensei confessed to me today. I told him I would have an answer for him tomorrow. I don’t know why I did that since I already know where my feelings lie.

January 10, 2024

[…]

I rejected Azuma-sensei’s confession today, and thankfully, he took it well. However, I did expose that I had feelings for Kurosawa (I didn’t mention him by name, of course).

I’m pretty sure Kurosawa didn’t hear me delve into my feelings since he was asleep when I checked on him again. But even if he did hear me, I don’t mind. I am serious about him.

I like Kurosawa.

As I read those last words in her latest diary entry, I realised that Sensei’s feelings were genuine.

Sensei likes me.

“I see you found her diary.”

I turned around to see Haruno-sensei standing at the entrance.

“Haruno-sensei!”

“Don’t bother acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You read her diary, didn’t you?”

Accepting that I couldn’t lie to her, I said, “Yes.”

“I see.”

“Did you know that she has feelings for me?”

“Yes. She never mentioned it verbally, but I could tell by the way she looked at you and acted whenever you were in her presence. I have never seen her act like that for anyone else.”

“She must really like me.”

“She does. But how do you feel about her?”

How do I feel about Sensei? She likes me so much that she even turned down a handsome man like Azuma-sensei. Ever since that day, I didn’t want to accept that she liked me. Was it because the idea of a teacher and a student dating was deemed transgressive? Or am I a coward? I know how Sensei feels about me, but how do I feel about her?

“If you like her, then you need to tell her. Usually, I wouldn’t condone a teacher-student relationship; it usually never works out for either of them. But the relationship you have with her is special. It is so special that I want to believe it can work. Now, you have an obligation to answer her feelings.”

Haurno-sensei was right. I need to confront Sensei about her feelings, and I need to come to terms with my own.

Two days after Sensei returned to school, I went up to her and asked her out on a date.

“A date?”

“Yes.”

“This—this is unexpected.”

“I know. Sorry. If you don’t want to, then—“

“No, no, no. I want—I will go on a date with you.”

“Great! I’ll text you the details.”

“Sounds good.”

The next day, I met with Sensei at the train station.

“Sorry. Did you wait long?”

“No. I just got here.”