From Kiri

And the bell rings in

three

two

one

Ring

Following up with the signal, I packed my bags and walked to the hallway, to one of the paths toward my dorm.

Just as my gaze entered the entranceway, a mass of strings of tawny gold came in contact with my skin, and a sense of tranquility surrounded the air.

But as anticipated, it wasn’t long before the bustling of students invaded the space. The visible particles of dust were now blown away by the colossal beings that were strolling around. And the rays that illuminated the hall were now obstructed from doing their job.

And as if it wasn’t enough, as all types of commotion enclosed me, my eyes became wary of their distinctness. With the intention to lure me in, the words that were involuntarily pushed around had a vivid shade, expressing the numerous interests and possibilities of speech. And yet, even though I certainly was mesmerized, my mouth stood still, and I gave them no response.

But I wasn’t going to go unpunished. Along with a sense of unfulfillment, the visible jests and talks had now become too bright, too conspicuous for me to discern anything else. And, in a final attempt to entice my vocal cords, they blinded me with their exuberant demeanors. However, I didn’t mind, for I knew that the only thing I needed was to keep walking forward, and my dorm would greet me nonetheless.

Just like so, I was indeed able to escape from the conversations of those students and arrive at the place I wanted to be. With my destination appearing just before me, I opened the door to my room.

As soon as the fluorescent was met with my eyes, so did one girl who lay on a bed.

Oh, welcome back, Kiri!

“Oh, welcome back, Kiri!” She greeted me enthusiastically.

And then I would say.

“Yeah, hello too, Qi.”

Our conversation did not continue further, and I habitually went into the bathroom.

After a long day of stuffing knowledge into my unfocused mind, a strong urge to wash all the fatigue away masticated me. But before that, there was a usual glint that sparked upon the mirror, and I shifted my gaze toward it.

Turning on the facet, I reached my hand toward the cascade of ice and launched it toward my face. With my slender fingers and palms, I made sure to clean and scratch out any remaining dirt, but the friction only caused a sense of warmth. As contrasting touches battled against each other on the surface of my visage, and only after seconds, I looked up in the mirror to finally see the aftermath of the war.

And even though what welcomed me was my same old face, a random thought encouraged me to think that the depiction will speak on its own.

.

.

But it did not, and I could only turn away from my own reflection, once more keeping the abandoned side to myself. What followed soon after was my long-awaited shower, which I knew I would enjoy.

The shower was hot and nice, evident from my rejuvenated soul.

With no reason to stay here anymore, I entered the room that I had left minutes ago, and this time there were two more girls.

“Hi, Kiri.”

“Hello.”

They spoke in unity, and I offered the same greetings back. “Hi.”

“Wanna play poker?” A girl asked.

As if following a script, one of them invited me right after. And, I would always respond with a ‘no’, plus some reasons.

So, until curfew, I stayed in my own corner fiddling with my phone and the two other girls were gambling just beside me. And well, guess I could call them having fun.

When our bellies started to take up most of the sound in our room, we decided to go to the cafeteria.

Having chosen our preferred servings, I followed the three girls to a table and we began to dine in. Eclipsing the ceaseless munching, their incessant talks and jests persisted through the whole table, and I could even argue whether they were even eating or not. Of course, the girls were aware and expressed some care by letting me in the conversation a few times. But the results were just small talk, and I delved deep into the dish for the majority of our meal.

Even though I convinced myself that I was fine with this, my mind was invaded with the usual doubts nonetheless. It’s when my social state showed clearest to me that I think about the contrary of my past, which existed only for the purpose of pitying myself.

Oh, how different I was back then, so energetic and joyful all the time. It was only natural for me to make so many friends, I was like a people-magnet. And none of the ceaseless doubts and needless wants that I have now could ever hope to be incessant back then. I had everything I could ask for, and whenever I ran out, he was always there to recharge me.

.

But he isn’t here now.

And then there’s Stan. Well, I wasn’t sure why he had always stood out from everyone. Perhaps it’s because he was who I needed to limit myself, to tell me when I had gone too far. And I knew that he was important to me, and so I wanted to keep him in my life.

.

But even he’s gone too, and now I have no one. Just this pathetic husk of what I once was, or perhaps what I truly am all along.

Well, what does it matter anyway? It just means that I had grown up and my life was starting to change. I have to focus on my future, my career, and I guess my family.

“Man, you are not going to believe this.”

A loud voice broke me out of my trance, and my gaze impulsively shifted toward the source.

“That blond cutie actually asked for my number!”

And my gaze impulsively shifted away from the source.

It was just a random boy boasting about how nice his life was going next to our table. I don’t have to be a sage to say that no one here truly cares about what you have, so please be more polite and stop stalking.

But as the cheers and clamor persisted within that table near me, so began the others to be as perpetually annoying.

“Look at what I bought for my boyfriend.”

A fucking strap-on.

“How is my make-up today?”

It’s nice, love your massacre eyes.

“Who else do you think we should invite to the hangout?”

Me! Yeah, as if I’d go with you boring fucks.

“What do you think I would do if she breaks up with me?”

Easy, kill-

.

Jesus…

This petty envy and jealousy, why the hell is it in me? I mean, haven’t I gone through enough stuff to not be bothered by other people’s life? What reason is there for me to bat an eye and express hate toward them just because they have it better than me? Just why?

Come to think of it, that girl Susan in middle school that tried to bully me, this was how she felt wasn’t it? Hmm, guess we’re not so different after all.

But before I could continue that thought any further, a burning sensation came up my throat, and I rushed to the nearest restroom.

As soon as a toilet was in my sight, I shoved my face in straight away.

And yet, even though I could feel the tingling feeling inside my throat, and my face reddened from a lack of air, what came out was just a puff of suffocating breath.

After a minute, I was finally aware of that fact, and I stood up from the stall along with a sense of disgust. Feeling that I’ve been inside a restroom for long enough, I opted to go straight back, and yet, my feet halted still when a glint of light sparked on the mirror.

And involuntarily, I once more embrace the heinous sight before me. The lighting in the room was dimmer than my preference, nonetheless, it was enough for perception. And so, I bowed my neck down and pull my visage closer to the mirror, all in an effort to scrutinize my own being.

But something was off, I was looking at the same face I’ve always had, and yet an eerie feeling gnawed at me.

The doll-like face that was described by everyone as cute and innocent now seemed like an inanimate object, just a simple imitation hoping to associate itself with a being with a soul. And that black bob of hair on my head was curved up so perfectly that anyone would think that it was carved by human hands. Then, those eyes, I never knew they were so empty. How can I see so clearly when they are so dark and uncanny just as all light had been consumed?

Desperately, I delved deeper into the irises, but I was met with nothing, apart from a vacant and lifeless space.

Without my own will and out of nowhere, my mouth moved.

“Talk to me, would you? I whispered to my own depiction.

And I waited for a response.

A second passed, and then ten, and then a minute. Nevertheless, my reflection did not come to life, and I covered up my face. Whether it was embarrassment or despair, it did not matter, for I needed an escape.

Guess I’ll do extra homework tonight.

***

The next morning, my day went on as normal, and by normal, I mean nothing happened. Well, aside from the interminable conversation that accompanied everywhere, I guess that was the usual. And just as usual, I stayed in my place and didn’t involve myself with anyone.

I knew that I wasn’t okay, that I wasn’t stable enough to be considered normal. I already learned that from my classmates in my first year of high school, and I’m not going to make the same mistake again. Plus, if I had really wanted a fun life then I wouldn’t even be in this country right now, I’m here so that I could focus on my future.

And so, with my resolve solidified, I shifted my attention toward the notes before me.

.

But as stubborn and willful as I was, the distractions did not cease.

It wasn’t the first time, and there surely won’t be a last.

***

And the bell rings in

three

two

one

Ring

Following up with the signal, I packed my bags and walked to the hallway, to one of the paths toward my dorm.

Just as my gaze entered the entranceway, a mass of strings of tawny gold came in contact with my skin, and a sense of tranquility surrounded the air.

But before this pacifying scene could be disturbed, I rushed forward with the intent to not remind myself of the reality just seconds after. But in spite of the fact that I had made the initial move, those sentences would continue to pursue after me, nevertheless, they could not obstruct my physical runaway.

As soon as the terracotta grounds entered my view, a sense of relief suddenly met my mind, and I gave way to the relaxation of my lower half. My sprint had now been transformed into a stroll, and I carried on my path as the dorm slowly appeared on the surface of my irises.

“C’mon babe, put some of that excess height to the two of us boys.”

Until a choice of word so uncanny came out not so far away, and I glanced immediately toward the source.

“Sorry for my companion’s impure sentence. What he meant was how about you go for a drink with us and have some fun time.”

I guess that explains it then, there were two guys trying to pull a girl. However, after a few gazes, I realized that the situation at hand here was more abnormal. First, there were two guys and neither of them wore uniforms. One had a style that screamed obnoxious hippy vibes, while the other was more mild-mannered. Just before them was a girl taller than both of the dudes, and her face discerned clear shyness and that she needed help.

“Oh no, somebody help me, please.”

Whether it was because her tone didn’t sound desperate enough or avoiding trouble had become a habit too engraved into me, I halted in batting an eye, and continued to stroll.

“Hey! Let go of that girl, right now,” a feminine voice entered the scene and my head turned once more impulsively.

Apparently, it was a girl without a uniform. The two guys glanced at her with what seemed to be a pseudo-annoyed expression, and one of them raised their voice.

“Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it then?”

“This.” As soon as she finished, her arm retracted and gave out a punch so slow that I doubt a turtle would even get hit.

And it wasn’t a surprise when her assault failed.

“Ha! You thought your weak little frail arm was going to hit me?”

“Sorry, but your dream of being a hero is going to have to end here.”

And as the two girls were cornered, the boys guffawed villainy.

.

Sigh.

Can’t believe I’m doing this.

And so, I walked up to them. The hippy one was the first to notice my approach, and he signified his friend. But before he could turn back a palm had already been launched to his face. The other cried out in shock as if he had not expected me to hit his friend. But before he could cause any more commotion, another slap was delivered toward him.

As the two girls stood there in awe and stared at me. I grabbed their wrist and we three rushed out of there.