call to arms

"I'm sorry!"

I bowed to Mr. Clarence the moment I saw him the next day, minutes before opening the shop. He sipped on bubble tea while I did this. 

"I-I was irresponsible and I won't do it again. I really, really like this job, and—"

"Did you get sick because you're irresponsible?"

"...no..."

"Then there's nothing to apologize for." Mr. Clarence went to sip bubble tea somewhere else. I stayed there, baffled, amidst a sea of tables and chairs and carnivorous plants I kept bringing over because they didn't fit in my apartment anymore. Still, I'd have to pay back the hours I owed sooner than later. I had no medical proof after all. Because I was never sick. 

Speaking of which, when Ootsuki Rima—just Ootsuki, actually—showed up behind the counter, I  bowed to her, too. "Thank you so much!"

This made her flinch. "Uh. Um. Sure... for what?"

"For informing everyone that I was sick."

"Oh, that. It's nothing. I imagined that's what you wanted instead of... well, you know. Just be glad that Mr. Clarence is so lax about this stuff."

She was nice nice after all. So was Mr. Clarence. So was Youji. I was the only asshole in this place. (Youji had self-described as such at some point, but that was just him being stupid.) Perhaps, with time, I'd become at least nice through reverse osmosis. 

For now, I had a coffee shop to protect.

It didn't take long for the first challenger to approach—that guy with a cap, sunglasses, and a scarf that'd showed up last time. The guy, not the scarf. I waited until Youji walked out of the kitchen with some snacks so I could show him how brave I was, then asked Ootsuki, "Has that individual done anything suspicious lately?"

Ootsuki rolled her eyes. "Yeah. That's Touma. Just ig—"

Something clashed behind us: Youji. Well, the snacks he carried. The metal dish he carried them upon. It made that sound when it hit the ground. Not him. Though he certainly looked the part. "Sorry," he mumbled, as we all picked up the mess. "Such a waste."

Ootsuki said that it was okay, that it happened to everyone, and I agreed.  Youji left and didn't come back out. "Must've had a rough day," she told me. 

"Not really. We slept through most of the m—" I swallowed the rest of the word, but it was too late. Much too late.

"...oh yeah?"

If only she knew that we didn't sleep in the same room, let alone the same bed. Nothing. Youji had refused to leave the couch, and I strongly suspected it had something to do with the fanart he'd seen on my phone from Not Youji. "A-anyway, what were you saying about the Touma?"

"Eh, just ignore him."

"But what if he does something bad?"

"He won't. He's stupid. He thinks I haven't noticed him yet. Just watch." Ootsuki went to ask if he needed anything else, and the Touma adjusted his sunglasses twice before he replied. She came back, mouthing, 'See?' before she went to work on some drink. I didn't see how that proved anything, but I didn't want to appear dumber than usual, so I left it at that. Kind of.

"How do you know the Touma?"

"Boyfriend."

"Why is he hiding?"

Ootsuki opened her mouth, closed it, then shook her head. She served the Touma's coffee after that. It appeared that I'd misjudged him, then, since he didn't seem to be related to the syndicate of evil, although... why was he hiding, then? Unfortunately, the usual pack of schoolgirls showed up, and Ootsuki shared the sentiment, for she went to force Youji out of the kitchen. I wondered if they bullied her. The schoolgirls. They weren't from the syndicate, but remained evil nonetheless. 

When I went to attend them, one of them groaned. The girl next to her laughed, then asked, "Could you tell the other guy to come instead? Thank you."

"He's. Busy."

"He's literally not. I can see him."

"Can't. He has. Omurice to make."

The girl who used to frequent this place by herself stood up all of a sudden. "O-omurice? No way!"

The rest of the pack howled like monkeys. "One omurice, please!" Ordered one of them.

"Make that two!"

"Three!"

Two minutes later, as I reeled back to the counter, I told Youji, "They all want omurice, but it's not... it's not in the menu... what do... Mr. Clarence isn't here anymore... what do..."

The original sinner randomly teleported beside me (I hadn't reached the comfort zone behind the counter yet), which made me squeak. "Hi," she said. "We, um. We forgot to tell you. Could you prepare the omurice?" She spoke to Youji, who nodded. He had the same expression as when I'd asked if he hated me three times in a row. A stranger wouldn't be able to tell he was annoyed. But I could. The girl continued: "Can you write the following in—wait, no, how about you draw? Can you do that? Can you draw hearts in all of them?"

"...sure."

She skipped all the way back to her seat. Youji sighed, told me, "I'll just tell Rima-chan to do half of them," then headed to the kitchen. 

I was alone.

I was alone at the counter, but not lonely. It reminded me of pre-Youji days, though. Usually I didn't pay attention to people because they scared me, but this guy watching the shop through the window—I couldn't not. It wasn't even because he could be part of the syndicate, but because of how pretty he was. It was uncanny. Of course Youji was better, but this guy looked as though someone had put him through a filter, with his business suit and middle part and... cigarette? Maybe? He didn't walk in, instead watching until he didn't, until he got bored, maybe, and left. Scary. Perhaps I'd finally lost my marbles. 

By the time Youji emerged with the orders, I crouched behind the counter like the imbecile I was, nauseous, powerless against my new hallucination. Where somebody else might have moved ahead, he stopped the cart so he could sink to my level. "Did something happen?" He asked, placing a hand on my back.

"N-no. Um. I think I'm hallucinating."

"Seriously?"

"There's a. Weird. Man. Was. Not anymore."

"Where?"

"Outside."

Youji glanced above the counter for a moment as though I hadn't just told him the hallucination was gone. "We'll talk about this later," he said, kissed the corner of my mouth, then carried on with his duty. It helped a bit. A lot. I even managed to stand up again. Maybe I should tell a doctor about this. That I'd finally lost the plot and now a guy that looked like an idol smoked in front of the coffee shop while looking in. Then again, it'd only happened once, so there was that...

They were being too loud at the schoolgirl table. The den of wolves. The beehive. I pretended to clean a table nearby. The girl possessed by makeup told Youji, "Could you say 'please be delicious please be delicious' and do a heart pose with your hands?"

"No," he replied. 

"Pleaaaase!"

"I'll give you a huge tip," said another.

"Yeah! Her family's rich! They do it at the maid cafés. Why can't you?"

"This is not a maid café."

"My dog died yesterday," lied another girl, which made those around her giggle. "Please. For me. For Pochi."

All things considered, if I didn't know him, I wouldn't suspect he was (very) annoyed. Well, then. Time to show him how brave I was. "W—"

"Will you guys cut it out?"

Were the hallucinations auditory now, too?

But no, the Touma stood up, took the sunglasses off. "Don't half of you have boyfriends?"

The girl possessed by makeup flinched. "Oh, shit. Ukita."

"I'll kill you if you tell Shou-chan about this," threatened the girl whose dog hadn't died. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Yeah!"

"Why are you dressed like that?"

"Laaame."

Youji seized the chance to escape. He'd learned that from me. The Touma sat back down, crossing his arms. He smirked. "If you want me to stay quiet, then I better get every single thing on the menu. Your treat. Thanks."

They yelled at him, and when one of them threatened physical violence, he took out his phone, which shut her up instantly. Ootsuki's boyfriend (?) didn't seem nice nice, but I couldn't be that sure lately. Anyway, he seemed to have things under control, and they did order the entirety of the menu for him, so we'd have actual work for once. I told this to Youji. He didn't laugh.