A change in lens (Part 1)

Years into the past

“Can I hear just the saxophones play that section once more?” I rushed inside, trying to find where such a pretty voice was coming from. I heard my mom call after me but I ignored it.

“Up to the oboe solo.” The voice continued as I walked through the reception area and out the other side of the door left half open.

“Yes.” A chorus of voices replied. I stood at the entrance of a massive hall. Mom had told me it was like an ‘auditorium’ and that seemed to be the case in more ways than one.

My eyes were drawn to my left as I saw a large ensemble, either sitting in chairs with their notebooks in front of them in a sort of metal-like thing or standing with their heavy instruments. A young man with dark hair and blue eyes stood on a raised podium as he talked to the various members of the group.

I looked around to find a group of dancers, earbuds plugged in their ears, dancing together. Completely in harmony with one another. I saw solo musicians practising in the corner and then my eyes fixated on a corner of the room that had an almost closeted look to it. I jogged my way towards it, curious to find out what it was when I heard the man’s voice again.

“One, two, three.” The rich sound of the instruments filled my ears. I stood frozen listening to the beautiful music as it went up and down. I couldn’t describe it well but it made my eyes well up slightly. But then suddenly the man raised his hand, his fist clenched tight, and pulled it down. The music stopped. He sighed and said, “It’s not flowing well. Could you please make it more connected and smooth?”

I was surprised. And also somewhat angry. He was just standing there being critical of something even without playing it! How was that even fair? I didn’t really get all that about being ‘connected and smooth’. It felt pretty much like that to me.

“Lead the oboe in gently.” He said as the chorus replied affirmatively yet again. I started walking towards the ensemble now.

“Tenor saxes, your entrances were shaky,” he continued, “Let’s listen individually, okay?” I wondered what a tenor sax was. All those big, golden instruments mushed together in my head. Dad had pointed them out to me when I was younger, but I couldn’t really remember. I stopped just beside the podium where the… Oh! That’s right, they called people like him the conductor. Like the ones in the train! The conductor looked at me and pleasantly smiled as he turned back towards the group.

“Three…” He said softly this time, as only the sound of what I guessed was the tenor sax rang out. The deep sound of the instrument filled my ears but this time, I could tell something was off. It sounded kinda empty. Like that sound I had heard, dropping a rock in an empty well. Is that what mister blue eyes was talking about? I couldn’t believe he had been able to pick out a single player’s fault amongst the sound of all those instruments playing.

He pulled his hand down again and sighed, “Once more.” But for some reason, the girl playing the instrument didn’t start. I was confused. I heard whispers of her name in the lips of the players. I looked to the conductor again to find his eyes tighten, almost like he was giving up.

“All right,” he finally said, “Miss Jenny Lee.” He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. They looked tired. Like dad’s after a long night of work. I remembered how he was still able to smile through all of that. I remembered because mister blue eyes smiled the same way.

“Yes.” The girl arose from her seat. She looked so prim and proper in her school uniform. Oh, I guess that meant this was the Willowby high school ensemble?

“When will you be able to play that part?” The conductor asked, his voice a bit strained. The girl stayed silent. Why did she look angry? “Unfortunately, the competition won’t wait. Try and create a schedule to meet your goals. Unless you reach those goals and improve, well… I am sure none of us here want to give anything but our best on the main stage. I hope you understand.”

“Yes.” She replied now, her face dismayed now. Mister conductor was right, I realised. You wouldn’t want to have someone bring down the entire quality of the performance, right?

“We need a beautiful harmony to accompany the melody. Your tenor sax is the only thing muddying the sound.” I winced, imagining how it would feel to be singled out like that. He paused for a second as he wore his glasses again. “I know you’re busy studying for your entrance exams. But at the same time, you’re a wind ensemble member preparing for a national competition.”

“Yes.” Her voice was so incredibly quiet now. I could barely hear it over the ambience of the hall.

“I’ll ask again.” His voice was firm. “When will you be able to play that part?”

This silence was familiar. It was an uncomfortable one. I saw all those gazes on the girl. All judging in their own ways. I could relate to that feeling of standing out.

“Sir.” She said aloud finally. She looked up, straight at him. “I quit.”

I wondered if this was what people meant when they said ‘a dam broke’. Because all of a sudden, that silence was replaced entirely by the murmurs and gasps of the group. For good reason, I guess. It probably wasn’t everyday you got to see someone quit like this.

Mister blue eyes looked disappointed as he asked, “Have you thought this through?”

“I am sure.” She replied curtly as she sat back down on her seat. Her tenor sax, now resting on her lap.

“We will talk about your reasons later today. For now, practice is over. Whoever wants to play their parts or with their sections are free to stay. Rest of you can go.” I stood awkwardly and waved back as all the ensemble students smiled and waved at me on their way out. The conductor finally came towards me and bent down on his knees to match my height. He ended up being the shorter one in the end.

“You must be Miss Hoover!” He exclaimed, holding his hand out towards me. I met his hand only for him to place his other hand over mine before shaking it vigorously. “It’s so good to see you finally. Gosh, it’s been what- 5 years since I last saw you? I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t remember me. But… Uncle Miller? Ring a bell?”

Oh. He was my uncle. I had completely forgotten his face. Not to mention his full name. I think mom had tried to remind me on our way here but I was half-asleep by then. My blank face must have been plainly visible as he gave out an embarrassed smile.

“You have grown up so much since then. Into a cute and proper lady!” He let my hands go as he rose up from his squat. I looked up at him as he started looking around. “Do you know where your parents are?”

I shook my head, “They are probably busy talking to the people in the reception area.” Mom and dad were what my friend Lucy called ‘party animals’. Or what Ryan called a ‘socialite’, although I wasn’t quite sure he hadn’t just made that word up. The guy inhaled oxygen and exhaled lies.

“And what do you wanna do today?” He asked, looking at me. I turned towards the curtained off part of the hall again. I heard him laugh. “Ever the curious one, arentcha?” I tilted my head in confusion. Wasn’t it natural to look into things you didn’t know about?

“It’s the part of the hall usually reserved for artists of all sorts. That’s right, Jim- er, your dad did mention your interest in art and such recently. You wanna go take a peek?” I nodded my head with extra effort to stress my answer. He laughed and took my hand. I wasn’t really all that short, coming in at about 135 cm. Well, 130 cm technically but the last phys-ed checkups were a year ago! And I have definitely grown a bit taller since then. Definitely.

“Uncle, I thought you only played the piano.” I was confused why he was conducting a whole ensemble. All I heard about him usually was how much of a prodigy he was. How much he travelled around, playing the piano at concerts and winning awards one after the other.

“Oh? I am surprised you remember that. I must have made a really good first impression.” He smirked at me. Smirked!

“W-well it’s all I ever hear about you! It’s not like I remember much else…” I mumbled. He chortled at that.

“Now now, don’t go puffing your cheeks on me already.” I puffed my cheeks more in protest. He grinned even more. “Frankly, I wasn’t planning to be the conductor and advisor for those students. It just happened to work out like that. Well, what matters now is whether they are really willing to push through and become capable of even applying for competitions.”

I didn’t really get it. I thought they sounded really pretty already. But maybe those judges and musicians really had an extra ear to catch every mistake. I peeked at uncle’s ears but there didn’t seem to be another one. Hm, maybe it was hidden somewhere. That’s right, it might lead to discrimination otherwise! I had learnt recently that adults were really mean to those who didn’t look like them or agree with them. I really really didn’t get it.

“Look, we are here!” He exclaimed. I looked at him and he smiled, pointing me to go inside. I parted the curtains to find… nothing. I looked at him to find him just as puzzled as I was. “Uh, I guess no one decided to come today? I’m sorry, Lily.”

Honestly I was more perplexed (learnt that word from Lace) than anything.

“It’s fine! I was just a bit curious. Maybe I will see them another day…” I immediately remembered that we never really came here after the obligatory visit was over. Maybe I could ask them to bring me here? Maybe I could tell them I wanted to paint here? Learn from the artists here maybe… “But we will be leaving soon anyway so probably not?”

Uncle didn’t respond. I looked up to find him holding a phone to his ear. He replied in a series of ‘uh-huh’ and ‘okay’. It sounded very one-sided. After almost a full 5 minutes of me pacing around the place, trying to find more hidden spots (I found a locked storage room) I heard uncle call out to me. I walked back to find him with an awkward smile on his face. Shifting nervously on his feet.

“So your parents just called me.” Why were they calling when they were already here? “Apparently they have to leave for some very urgent business. Grown-up stuff, you know? Anyway, they didn’t want you to miss out on your vacation and be bored at home. Soooo, you are staying at my place this time around?”

Stay at my uncle’s place. My parents had left. Wait, did that mean…

“CAN I COME HERE EVERYDAY THEN?!” I clasped my mouth immediately. I could feel the heat on my cheeks. I wanted to run away so badly. Uncle looked shocked for a moment but he quickly started laughing heartily. I scowled at him.

“Sorry! I was just surprised. It’s been a while since I have seen someone so excited to come here.” He smiled gently. “I am glad though. I would be very happy to have you around.”

He looked much more at ease now.

“Remind me to introduce you to someone tomorrow. He’s about your age. Usually he just plays the piano alone in that corner.” I followed his gaze to the place right behind the makeshift artist space. It looked quite isolated. “You might like to hang out with someone your age too, right? I am sure he would appreciate the company too, for a change.”

I nodded wondering what kind of boy would spend his days practising alone in a corner. To what end? I was curious. Curious!

I suppose I would know soon enough.