Our New Inside Joke

I was frozen. Not because I didn't know what to do, but because I was mentally purging all my previous worries since they were no longer my top priority. I was still haphazard with my emotions, but my mind finally gathered enough logic to tell my body to rush to her room immediately.

Sprinting across the second floor, I looked at every door's plaque until I saw the one with her name. Her room door ajar inwards, and I hurriedly opened it all the way and found her. She was peacefully sleeping in her bed with a damp towel on her head, and two caregivers on either side of her.

I took a step inside.
"I-Is she…Is she okay?!"

One caregiver put a finger to her lips in response to my volume.
She whispered, "She's doing fine."

The other caregiver stood up and approached me.
"You can relax, Vieira-san. There's no need to panic right now, that's not what she needs from you right now. Ringomori-san has had depressive episodes since her arrival to the orphanage, and sometimes they led to her passing out. We're well accustomed to taking care of her."

"R-Really?" I asked, catching my breath.

"Her last episode hadn't been for awhile, I think it was on September 22nd, so there was a bit of panic when it occurred, but I assure you that everything is okay."

September? Was I there for that day? I don't remember, I don't really need to remember that right now.

The other caregiver stood up.
"Please, take a seat here."

I tilted my head.
"M-Me? Wh-Where are you two goin'?"

"Ringomori-san requested that the next time she had an episode, we would bring you to stay by her side. We'll handle your duties for the day, so no need to worry about that. Make sure to talk to her when she wakes up."

The two displayed a smile that seemingly told me they found us cute. They left the room and I calmly sat down on a chair with a soft cushion next to her bed. I reassured myself of her stable condition and looked around her room.

It's the first time I've ever been in here...or well, any orphan's room.

We weren't allowed to paint the walls, so she covered them with RONDselia posters from their different eras that gave the room a rosy undertone. She had a few small bookshelves stacked with manga and food recipes that radiated a warm feeling from them; she must have handled them with care. On a hanger of her door hung her schoolbag with the Tsukki raccoon pin I told her to buy at the mall. Her neatly cleaned desk had her camera and a laptop – I assumed it was where she edited her videos.

My ear twitched at the sound of a faint groan and I nearly snapped my neck turning to her and softly whispering her name.

She opened her eyes and blinked a few times, then used her left hand to take the towel off her forehead and rubbed her eyes awake. She shifted towards me.
"Vi-Vieira…kun?" she muttered with a growing smile.

My hand was still shaky from the pills' effects, but I gently placed it atop her hand and asked,
"You had me scared, I thought you joined the parents for real. How you doin' now?"

She issued her usual giggle.
"I'm doing better, now that I'm not breaking down in the corner of my room until I hyperventilate enough to pass out."

"Can I ask what happened that caused you to have an episode like that again? I heard it hadn't happened for a while."

"It was simply stress from the past month finally releasing. Things like midterm exam stress and my birthday coming up brought back my worries about a lonesome life, and I felt like I needed to release my emotions before they clouded me more."

"I understand, it's good that you didn't bottle them up any further."

She turned her hand around so that our palms were touching.
"Why are you shaking? Are you okay?"

I tightened my fingers.
"It's the same as you. Stressin' over school and life, plus my two lives are intertwinin' more and more with the return of some memories."

I didn't mention what I had experienced with the house because she already had a lot on her plate and it didn't seem to involve her at all, so there was no point.

Her eyes flickered from me to the ceiling, and I took a glance with her expecting to see nothing. I was wrong, there was something there. I had to tilt my head to see the right angle, but I believed it was a drawing of an apple resting on the edge of a window with a blue background.

"Um, what's that?" I asked.

"Ah, do you remember the light in my life that disappeared? They made that for me in elementary school around the time my father first became ill. While life in the house was darkening because of the circumstances, it wasn't so bad at school because of this person in my class. We were both lonely, and though we didn't talk to or do anything with each other, we got closer while everyone else had their fun during recess and lunch."

I looked down at her and she was beaming. Her recollection of this "light" seemed to have made their mark on her.

She continued, "They became the light of my dim life, and I feel like my depression really took off when they were extinguished."

My other hand sneakily gripped my chest as I felt a sharp pain hitting my heart. Call it whatever was appropriate, but hearing her talk about another person making her happy in life wasn't all that sweetening.

Am I j–– What's the point of feelin' this stupid emotion? I-I should appreciate what that "light" did for her. C'mon idiot, get it together.

I took a deep, long look at her curved lips as they displayed her emotions like a heart on her sleeve.
"Well, I wish you the best of luck in findin' that light again. If you want, I'll do my very best to help you."

Our eyes connected again.

"Then I'll do the same for you," she said.

My eyebrows dropped and a "Hmm" was intonated.
"What do you mean?"

She said nothing in return and only smiled, apparently I was supposed to take that for an answer.

From outside her room, we were able to hear the younger orphans running around and laughing and screaming with joy.

She said, "I'm happy we're the only two kids here with excessive depressive problems. Those kids, while still unfortunate, can still experience fun without a worry in the world."

"Hey, we can have fun too, y'know. It's just a different type of fun, like doin' nothin' except individually playin' games and readin' manga. It's actually kind of funny how my recent experiences of fun have you with me. It's not so much 'Me' and 'You' but more like 'Us.'"

Upon saying that, Ringomori shouted, "That's it!" and suddenly went from first to fifth gear. She sat up in her bed with such speed that she made herself lightheaded. I gave her a shoulder to lean on for balance.

"What happened?" I said in a panic.

"I have another idea for us."
Once she regained her balance and focus, she said, "Do you remember how we often text each other 'Don't join the parents' because it only applies to us? And we also agree to meet up at oddly specific times to better remember and it confuses people who don't know about it?"

"Yeah, I do remember that…'cause we still do it."

"Exactly, we do it because it's fun and special, because it only applies to us and I find that special. So, at least for us, I dislike singular pronouns like 'She' and 'He' and 'Her' and 'His' because they refer to one's own experiences and desires. However, since the two of us share those experiences and hopeless desires with each other, and only each other. I'd like to suggest something."

"I'm followin' you, continue."

"I'd like for us – when we talk to each other, or even about each other to other people – to use plural pronouns instead."

"So like, we'll use 'We' and 'Our' instead of the singular ones you mentioned?"

She nodded her head and intonated an "Mhm."
"This will confuse people, and that's the joke that only we'll understand!"

I saw how passionate and exuberant she had become about her suggestion. It caused me to remember what I had thought during her Sports Day, about getting even closer to her on the boat.

"Let's do it," I declared.

Her lips parted and her smile revealed a white, glimmering glow.

I noticed that my shakiness had ceased, and it was because my emotions were no longer wayward and confused. That smile of hers – that must be so rare for others to see – overpowered the pills' effects without even having to try. Both of our days started okay, and then spiraled horribly, but then this new inside joke uplifted our moods to the end. It was my turn to spark an idea.

I said, "So, we [I] want to get closer to us [You], and we [I] have half an idea on how to do that. But, we [I] need our [Your] help to come up with the rest of it. How about it?"
That was so hard to do!

She stared at me with understandable confusion, but it quickly changed to laughter. She laughed. Not giggled or chuckled, but genuinely laughed at my attempt to use our side joke. That was cute.

She said, "Okay, we're [I'm] excited!"

We planned something special for a special day in her room.