Final Straw

I have no idea how long I have been daydreaming in silence. But it must have been long enough to get used to the silence since the unexpected knock on my door startled me. I almost dropped the cufflinks to the floor but I managed to grab it hard enough not to. I took one final look at them, then put them down on my desk and went to open the door.

To my surprise, I didn’t even have the time to ask any questions because as soon as I appeared in the doorframe, Jack grabbed my arm and pulled me after him. At least he let me close the door behind me.

After entering his room, it didn’t escape my attention that after closing the door behind me he turned the key in the lock. Then grabbed my arm again, and motioned me toward the sofa to which I sat down obediently.

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” I said. I didn’t have to say where he knew what I meant. I have no idea why I had to say this now out of all the times. Jack didn’t say anything just walked over to his table to pick up something that turned out to be a remote control.

So, it seems he finally accepted my leaving. It hurts though that he doesn’t even try to make me stay even if he knows it’s futile. He pressed some buttons and a slow, loud song started playing as background music to whatever he was going to tell me.

“It’s the Age of Cathedrals from the musical called Notre-Dame de Paris. It’s my favorite part because it’s beautiful and majestic,” he told me and put down the remote control back on the table before walking toward me. “But now, it will be useful, too because Bruno Pelletier can really belt out those high notes. I put it on repeat, so you don’t have to hold yourself back.” he grinned at me as he knelt down on the sofa beside me. My face didn’t even have the time to turn red at what he implied, when he kissed me like there was no tomorrow. And now I suddenly wish there wasn’t.

It seems my subconscious knew better what my heart desired because my mind couldn’t even register what I was doing when I already felt my body leaning down and Jack leaned over me as if I was the one pulling him after me slowly like a magnet.

It didn’t take long for his breathing to become heavy and ragged, which was music to my ears and I got lost in the moment as if I had nothing to lose. When I got to the point that I involuntarily wrapped one of my legs around him, I realized that if this keeps going on, he will likely destroy everything he has been working so hard to achieve. And I cannot let this happen.

“What is it?” he asked as I pushed him away gently and sat up.

“I’m leaving tomorrow. We might not see each other ever again. So there’s no point in doing this,” I told him harshly but my hoarse voice probably indicated the opposite.

“On the contrary. If you’re leaving, then it’s all the more reason to do it,” he said with a grin and leaned over to kiss me again but I pushed him away again. He didn’t say anything at first but when realization hit him, his expression became angry and hurt. Extremely hurt. “You just don’t want to be taken by a younger guy. That’s it, isn’t it?” He looked straight into my eyes as if he wanted to look right into my soul.

“It feels like a betrayal. As if I’m betraying the present you."

“I AM the present me for God’s sake!” he shouted at me, trying to outshout the loud music. “At least from my point of view. You don’t even know the future me, so what are you even talking about?”

I looked at his angry face but even in his fury he still looked absolutely handsome. I can’t deny there is something in what he said, although, it didn’t even cross my mind up until he mentioned it. But even if I were to tell him, he probably wouldn’t believe it.

Jack remained silent waiting for a reply which didn’t come. When he convinced himself that I wouldn’t say anything, he got up and left the room. I thought he would slam the door behind him but even in his hurt, he was as civilized as ever. I don’t know which one was more frightening.

After he left I felt emptiness and an eery silence, even though the singer was still belting out those high notes as Jack called it. He was right. It was really beautiful and majestic. So much so that the more I listened to it, the more I felt my eyes welling up with tears which started to roll down slowly on my face, even though I didn't understand a word of it because it was in French. I could have cried to my heart’s content since no one would have been able to hear it due to the music. But I felt like I had no strength anymore to even do that as if my HP dropped to almost zero.

I don’t know how many times the song ended and started again before I decided to get up and leave his room. Before leaving, I looked back at the room knowing I probably won’t be seeing it again or hear this song which is his favorite. Even his cat seemed to like it because it was sleeping peacefully in the corner despite the loudness of the music. Funnily enough, I didn’t even notice the cat's presence before but then again, my mind was preoccupied with its owner.

I walked up to the cat and stroked its back carefully not to wake it up. Somehow, it reminded me of Jack. He was just as bossy and easily pissed off as a stereotypical cat. This made me smile instantly and I stroked its back again before standing up to leave the room. When I finally opened the door, the silence outside was in great contrast with the loud music being played in Jack’s room. I hesitated for a moment but stepped out into the silence and left the music behind.

I didn’t bother to turn it off.