Megane

The struggle of learning began. He spent every waking moment reading. I had all the time in the world to relax, and just read with him.

Blissful; these days passed.

We’d eat, talk, read, eat, talk, read, and sleep. These were truly moments of beauty.

He began his literacy journey very modestly; he learned a few words at a time. Reading manga helped him identify and connect a word to its meaning. Usually, I'd leave him be and allow him to find his own understanding. He was usually able to correctly use and utilize words. But sometimes.... he’d... he’d... he’d ask me obscene questions! Of course, I’d encouraged him to learn with BL! It was the most engaging art form! Of course, he’d only feel motivation with BL! Even though he couldn’t read, he still had incredible taste!

He would point to pictures and ask

“Is this dubious consent?”

He’d pointed at a picture! It was a picture of a fruit bowl!

“No... that’s... um... that’s … fruit?” I muttered.

He turned the book back toward him and looked at the picture intently.

“I don’t get it...” He muttered.

Where had he even learned that word? I would hope that the books I had bought wouldn’t contain that. He didn’t need to see the downfalls of BL! He should only see tropes of perfection! He shouldn’t see the weird things that only weirdos like!

I grabbed the book from his hand. Surprised, he looked at me with eyes of dismay.

Who was I to limit his consumption of media? Who was I to dictate what he read? If he cared for BL, wouldn’t he know it’s downfalls? The problematic things that tear people away? Would he even be able to understand the genre without? Wouldn’t he be better off knowing? Wouldn’t he?

I slammed the book back down onto the table and pushed my glasses up.

“Kitto mou shittemasu you ne? Kono kantan na jouhou.” I muttered.

He looked at me. Completely amazed. Completely taken aback. Completely smitten. Completely in love. Completely astonished. Admiring completely. Blushing completely. His eyes shined.

Heh... he must know the true depths... he couldn’t stay on the shore forever.

“What does “blow your load” mean?” He asked. Completely serious.

I couldn’t say it! I was too embarrassed! How could I explain? How could I explain such embarrassing subject matter properly?

I pushed up my glasses.

“When semen is ejaculated through the urethra of male genitalia.” I spoke confidently.

He looked at me, his eyes questioning.

“What.” He asked.

Heh... heh... I pushed my glasses up.

“Seminal fluid is comprised of spermatozoa (Sperm) (Male sex cell); its purpose is to transfer sperm. It’s secreted (a gland, organ or cell able to discharge something) by the sexual glands (produces and releases hormones) known as gonads (a mixed gland that produces gametes (haploid cell) (number of sets of chromosomes found in a gamete) that fuses with another during reproduction) Seminal fluid originates from the seminal vesicle (5-10 centimeters in size, 3-5 centimeters in diameter, located in the pelvis) (Between your abdomen (stomach) and thighs)) Ejaculation is when semen is shot out of the urinary meatus (the opening in the urethra).” I said.

He stared at me.

Of course, he would! My mind had only been filled with thoughts of male genitalia! I knew everything about it! He could never challenge my genius! I was practically an expert!

He kept staring at me.

Ha! Perhaps my profound knowledge frightened him? Had he known that of his own body! Ha! Of course, I knew more than him! Of course, I was smarter! I wore glasses! I was just so megane! Of course, I was a genius after all!

“... I don’t care anymore.” He turned away from me.

“Doshite?!?!?!?!? Doshite sonna koto yattano!?!?!?!?!?” I thought.

How could he not care? I had explained it perfectly! Every detail, all the info! It was concise! It was cohesive! Tears fell from my face; the shock had proven too much. Wiping my tears, I pushed my glasses up.

“Did you... not... understand?” With confidence I spoke.

He didn’t look at me, his face shriveled in frustration.

“Did I upset you?” I muttered.

He didn’t look at me, he only looked angrily into the distance.

“Am I too...” I began.

“No! I don’t get it... I never get it! Can’t you do it better? Why do you say it like that... I don’t get it!” He shouted.

I stood.

Shocked, amazed, horrified, scared, frightened... he had never spoken such harsh words to me...

I hadn’t impressed him? Did he dislike the effort I had put into it? Did he find me stupid? Stupid for trying so hard? Was a person truly smart... were they truly smart if obsessed with coming off that way? Isn’t that complete idiocy? Shouldn’t a person be smart depending on their natural actions, and not one’s fostered to ideas of greater intelligence? Would a smart person have to try so hard; did they even flinch while obtaining their labels? Why couldn’t I be like that? Couldn't I be smart? Shouldn't I be able to prove myself by just being myself? If I couldn’t... does that make me a fool? An idiot? A coward? A freak detached from reality? Hadn’t I always acted like that? For simple compliments from my elders. Ones they didn’t mean, words without meaning. Had I clung to that? Had I held to those words? Had I believed them? Had they heightened my self-confidence? Had they worsened the person I had become? If I hadn’t heard them... if those words were never said... If I never sought them out..., would I have been able to harness true intelligence? As a smart person, a person who proved themselves by just existing. But didn’t intelligence depend on the viewer? Couldn't one see another as a genius regarding one field, but if that field was looked poorly upon by others... wouldn’t that make them an idiot in their eyes? If you don’t fit into a mold, did that devalue you and your thoughts?

These thoughts had stressed me. At that moment, I couldn’t speak, I walked away, leaving him alone.