weak and powerless

It mattered a lot.

That guy. 

Unlike prior opponents, upon entering the coffee shop, he came walking straight to the counter. Why had he come back? Hadn't he had enough already? I'd fight him. Because of the way the girls quieted down to gawk at him, I figured that he wasn't a hallucination after all. Despite the suit, the smile, the full lips, he looked wild—his eyes. "Good afternoon," he greeted. "Does Youji work here?"

"Um. Who. Who is."

"Natsume Youji?"

"N-no..."

He checked something on his phone. His eyelashes were pretty long, too. "...yeah, I didn't see him earlier, either. Tell him that Touma came to visit, that I just want to talk. There's no need to run away. Also, I'll take some coffee to go."

"Okay. But. It's very busy. Right now."

"I'll wait."

He didn't wait for long, because I skipped the queue just to get rid of him as soon as possible. Toumas were all beings of evil apparently. At this point, I'd faced so many enemies from the syndicate that I could not only spot them from a mile away, but also know their ranking with just a glance... and this man? Dangerous. Very dangerous. I'd been so successful at chasing all of them away that they'd had to retort to the most primal, most tempting: seduction. 

Not on my watch, though. 

There was mean Touma hanging out with the evil schoolgirls and incubus Touma who left after I actively-aggressively gave him the coffee. Minutes later, Youji emerged, and the rest was history. Hours later, we were done, and the evil schoolgirls had left. Would Youji do an omurice dance if I asked him to? He'd probably give me That Look and then change topics. But that was okay. 

Mean Touma didn't leave even as I mopped the floor around him, cleaned the tables, told him we'd be closing soon. "I'm waiting for someone," was all he said. 

"T-there is. There is. Nobody else. All the other people left except for Y—the other male employee and me. The girl is gone."

"Since when? And where? I didn't see her leave."

Moments ago. Through the back door. "Anyway," I said, "I need to close. I'll have to ask you to get out."

All this while, he'd sit on the chair as though he were made of slime, but now he straightened. He took the sunglasses off, the cap. "Wait, did she seriously leave? Alone? How long ago?"

Rima told me not to tell him anything. So I didn't. 

He stood up, which made me stumble backwards a bit. "How long ago?" He repeated. "Five minutes ago? Ten? Two?"

Still nothing. Mean Touma shoved me on his way out, which made me stumble backwards a lot. I'd spit on his drink if he showed up tomorrow again. (Not really.) Outside, Youji destroyed his lungs while scrolling down his phone, waiting for me to close the shop and whatnot. He'd stay at my apartment again. And sleep on the couch. Again... 

He mustn't have noticed mean Touma leave, for he didn't notice me standing next to him, either, or when I called him, or when I tapped his shoulder, though when I poked his cheek, the look he gave me would've paralyzed old Isao. The phone's light against his face and the darkness around certainly didn't help. Sometimes that happened when I startled him. But it was okay. Because it was probably due to evil syndicate conditioning. Not now, though. "Isao," he said. "Why did you lie to him?"

"To. Um."

"You know who I'm talking about."

I did. Incubus Touma. The one who 'just wanted to talk'. It'd be really hard to explain myself without exposing my knowledge about the syndicate of evil, thus causing a rift between us, making it easier for Yamada, incubus Touma, Jun and the rest to lead him astray once again. I could only nod in response. 

"So? Why did you lie to him?"

"Be... because..." Had incubus Touma texted him or something? I recalled Yamada the syndicate boss reading the same manga as Youji had before, so perhaps they were all in contact with him already, after all, which rendered the crusade pointless, unless... 

"Because?"

...unless it wasn't a crusade, but a parade. Intimidation. A way for them to show that they knew who, where, how Youji was, and how easily they could destroy everything he cared for. He could be mad at me right now, but that's because he didn't know all the shit I did behind the scenes. Nor would he. Nor should he. "He looked dangerous."

To which he said, "Everyone looks dangerous to you."

To which I replied, "Fuck you."

To which there was silence. One, because I was too embarrassed to exist. Two, because I'd probably shocked him. Three, because stabbing and getting stabbed hurt. Mine had been a weak parry against a critical hit. 

"Isa—"

"No."

"Yes."

"Apologize and I bake you. No. No no no don't come any closer do NOT I will fffhhh..."

I didn't push him away when he hugged me. More like squeezed. "I'm sorry," said Youji. I would bake him. "I'm sorry." I'd bake him twice.  

Still, I returned the gesture. He was right, anyway. We both knew it. I was a shield made of paper. 

...yet I couldn't care less. 

So?

So what if everything scared me? 

Everything scared someone. 

Everyone was scared of something. Anyone who claimed otherwise was a coward. Because I said so. Youji pulled away, only to place his head on my shoulder anyway, let me hold him instead. "Don't sleep on the couch this time," I told him. He said nothing, so I added, "Don't worry. I won't do anything like the stuff you saw on my phone."

For once, he laughed when I intended him to. "Why did you show me that shit, anyway?"

So he'd stop thinking of me as innocent fragile paper.  "Um, so. The articles were one thing. For the pictures, though, I thought I'd show you more cup designs in case I wanted to commission something else, but ended up getting, uh. Distracted."

"By your favorite character?"

"...yeah."

Despite his actions and his words, he dropped me off before heading off to Yamada's lair. He didn't tell me that, but I knew. Or was it the house of incubus Touma? Why did I still not have his number?