Dream

I was walking down the street, but I don't remember why. It was sunset, the sky was painted entirely in red, while the orange sun was almost disappearing behind the mountains. It was truly a unique sight that I had never seen before...
Although I was captivated by the view, on the other hand, I thought it resembled hell due to the overwhelming amount of red. Ahead of me was the park I had passed through in the morning. I wanted to sit on a bench and try to remember why I was outside. Not knowing the reason filled me with anxiety. I couldn't see anyone. However, it was different from this afternoon. While today the park was empty due to the heat, this time not only was the park vacant, but the other streets were empty as well. The entire place was deserted. I searched for a bench, but they had disappeared. 

After walking for a while, I realized I had gone in a circle. I saw a bench. How strange, I thought. Yet when I passed by earlier, it wasn't there. But the strange thing was that in front of that bench, one meter away, there was another bench facing the opposite direction. Who on earth had designed the placement of those benches? If two people sat on each bench, they would be embarrassed to look ahead because the other person's face would be so close that they'd be unintentionally staring. I sat on the bench to catch my breath. 

After a few minutes, I saw a girl in the distance. Finally, someone. I no longer felt alone. But... her face, from afar, seemed familiar. Only when I could see her well enough because she was approaching me did I realize I knew her.
It was Aya, but the Aya from a year ago. She looked a bit younger, and her hairstyle was different—she had her hair in a ponytail. Her red hair blended with the red sky. She carried a bag, half purple and half green. I thought she wanted to tell me something, as she was walking in my direction. But instead, she didn't say anything and sat on the bench in front of me. I felt a strong embarrassment. To avoid looking her in the face, I lowered my gaze. There was silence, and nothing happened for about 30 seconds. At that point, unable to wait any longer, I decided to look up at her. I looked at her face and realized she was staring at me intensely. What did she want from me? Why was she looking at me like that? At that point, I couldn't handle the tension anymore and said, 

"What do you want from me?" 

But she didn't respond and continued to stare at me. Who was this girl? It couldn't be Aya... she was behaving completely differently from the Aya I knew... Or maybe this was the true side of Aya... it seemed really strange... perhaps this Aya represents the image I had of her when I first saw her? She looked like a character from a horror movie. Maybe if I had apologized to her, she would have forgiven me and stopped looking at me that way. After all, I still feel a bit guilty about how I treated Aya at the beginning. 

"I'm sorry. If it's about how I behaved, I didn't mean to do it." 

Aya didn't change her expression, yet she opened her mouth to say something. 

"And yet you did." 

The tone of her voice was calm, yet it didn't match her gaze or the meaning of her words. 

"I've already told you I was wrong. What else can I do to make up for it?"
"I knew it. In the end, you don't really care about the suffering I went through. The only thing that matters to you is to free yourself from your guilt. Only if I forgive you, then you'll feel relieved. You don't really care because I suffered, but because you continue to suffer. You're a selfish person." 

At that point, I didn't know how to respond... her words shook me deeply. Could it be that I did it only for myself?I replied,
"But you're selfish too. If you can stop my suffering, then why don't you just forgive me? Even if you haven't truly forgiven me in your heart, why don't you tell me you've forgiven me and that's it? After all, as you say, all I care about is hearing the words 'I forgive you' from your mouth."
"Then, following your logic, it's useless for you to ask me if I forgive you or not. If you want me to tell you that I've forgiven you in any case, then my feelings don't matter at all. It's hypocritical reasoning, isn't it?" 
Then she continued:

"You know what your problem is, Shin? You keep these problems inside, and you've never talked to me about them. I forgive you. But I want you to talk to me about these things because it doesn't make sense to suffer if we can solve the problem by talking about it." 

Her words shook me deeply. But I replied,

"Not all problems can be solved by talking about them. There will always be disagreements or misunderstandings that can't be resolved for countless reasons."
"I don't deny that, Shin. But you haven't even tried to talk to me about it. If you had talked to me about it, there would have been a chance for you to resolve the conflicting emotions you're feeling."
At that point, Aya pulled out a sheet of paper from her bag. On this paper was a drawing of the cover of my story that I'm writing, which Aya had made for me. While I was staring at the drawing, I saw that everything around me was dissolving and turning into smoke. 

Suddenly, without moving and without even realizing it, I found myself in Aya's room. The girl I had seen just a few seconds ago had disappeared. However, I still had the cover in my hand. I looked around. Aya entered the room. But it was the present Aya. The person I knew now. I looked around. This looked anything but like Aya's room. The walls were pink, shelves were filled with stuffed animals, the furniture was covered with dolls, and there were lots of sweets on the desk. It was all too... too much. It made me nauseous. I asked Aya,
"When did you change the room's decor?"
And she replied,
"What are you talking about, Shin? It's always been like this."
Suddenly, I heard a female voice coming from below, calling for Aya.
"Yes, Mom, I'm coming!"
and Aya left the room. After a minute, she returned and said,
"Ugh, I can't take it anymore. Mom always calls me when I'm doing something important or when I shouldn't be disturbed. How I wish she'd leave me alone for a while."

But was this really the Aya I knew? Sure, the noisy personality is the same, but I couldn't help but notice something different.
"So, a few minutes ago, you were talking to my past self from a year ago."
"Huh?"
What's happening? I don't understand anything anymore.
"You know, a year ago, I was different from now. But that's normal. People change constantly. Myself from a month ago, or a week ago, is different from myself now. Even myself from 5 minutes ago is different from how I am now. But I'm sure that a good part of what I am now is thanks to your help."
I decided to talk to her.

"Aya, I've always felt guilty for the indifference I showed you when we first met."
And she said,
"Thanks for telling me, Shin. I admit, I was hurt during the first week too, but then I got to know you better and began to appreciate you. Communication is essential in any relationship with anyone else. Understanding others is difficult, if not impossible, so we must communicate as clearly as possible to try to make ourselves understood. Even if it's impossible to be completely understood by the other person. Besides, we can't even completely understand ourselves, so how could another person possibly do?"

Aya's reflection made me think a lot. I said,
"I'm glad we've cleared things up. Now we can have a healthier and more satisfying relationship."
Aya looked at me with a slightly confused face.
"Huh? What are you saying, Shin? The real work starts now. Right now, you're dreaming. I'm not the real Aya, but the image you have of Aya. You have to tell her in reality, as soon as possible, how you truly feel. But the image each of us has of a person is different from the image that person has of themselves. So when you tell her, if you tell her, you won't already know the answer in advance like in this case, but it will be unpredictable. In any case, it's for both your sake and Aya's that you tell her honestly what you feel." 

I was incredulous. I would have to work twice as hard, what a injustice! And then, I still felt confused... Suddenly, the entire room around me was sucked away. Before I could do anything, I was in absolute darkness. Aya had disappeared. Suddenly, I felt like I was falling into emptiness. I started to panic. I was falling, and I couldn't do anything to stop it!

"AAAAAH!" 

I woke up all sweaty. It was 8 in the morning. What a nightmare. After I calmed down, I realized the headache was gone, and I felt better physically. Mentally, I couldn't say the same.