The Prologue Ends Here

The following day unfolded like an extension of the torment. Papers were handed back like grim report cards, scores scrawled in red ink that seemed to bleed onto my self-esteem. 53 in Geography, 40 in History, 42 in French...

The final bell blared, its shrill ring signaling the stampede of students rushing to their after-school activities. The words held all the excitement of a soggy textbook. I, however, remained rooted to my seat, the arched sunlight still buzzing overhead like angry wasps. I was part of the track and field club, not out of passion or interest, but out of obligation. In our high school, every single student was compelled to be a member of at least one club. Not that all the students abided anyway... but it was still effective as an advertisement stunt. Parents would rather have their children do something productive than, I guess... doing nothing? And thus I had reluctantly enrolled, initially with a sliver of hope though, a naive freshman's dream of finding a niche. But that hope had evaporated faster than morning mist under the harsh high school sun. Now, my club participation was as consistent as a wisp of smoke—here one moment, gone the next.

Today, the track held no appeal. Instead, my feet carried me on a familiar path, up the creaking metal stairs and onto the rooftop. It was my sanctuary, a concrete haven shielded from the judging eyes and relentless expectations below. The sky, as always, seemed an endless expanse of cerulean blue that mirrored the vastness of my aimlessness. There were no mocking numbers here, no red marks to define my worth. Just the cool surface of the rooftop beneath me, the gentle caress of the breeze, and the slow, silent ballet of the clouds. 

I would lie down on one of the benches facing the west, watching the sun set slowly and asking myself... 

Just where do I belong?

The sun dipped lower in the sky, turning into a mix of orange and red. It was breathtakingly beautiful, a masterpiece splashed across the heavens, yet it strangely mirrored the turmoil within me. I stood by the edge of the rooftop, gripping the railing as if it could anchor me. For a second, my eyes flowed right downwards, at the foot of the building. Then my eyelids shutting themselves. The abyss of my thoughts yawned, whispering, a way to escape the misery that had become my constant companion. "What if, I j-..."

What am I thinking!?

I shook my head hard, trying to push those thoughts away, to send them back where they came from. Just then, the grating screech of the rooftop door pierced the quiet. Even before turning around, a prickling sensation alerted me to jump in surprise and fear. I recoiled, turned around, only to find myself face-to-face to a girl. 

"Hey," she spoke gently. Her voice was cautious, as if she didn't want to shatter the delicate stillness.

I mustered a shy smile, unsure of how to respond, "Umm..." The sun kept sinking, making shadows that blended us with the surroundings. The same shade as of the scribbles of black ink surrounding us. For a few moments, we didn't speak anything. But the quitness spoke. I'm not used to this feeling though. As the last light started to fade, she faced me, her eyes seemed to try meeting mine, "sometimes just looking up at the sky can make everything feel a little less overwhelming. What do you think?"

I nodded, my throat feeling a bit choked up. I still couldn't bring my eyes up towards her. The sun was almost gone now, leaving a sky colored in deep blues and purples. It felt as if the world itself was exhaling, letting go of the burdens of the day.

"Are you alone? Feeling lost?" Her voice carried a gentle honesty, as if she was confiding in me. 

"Lo-lost?"

"Yep, you look like you're about to let yourself go."

There was a hint of mystery in her eyes. It felt like I could see myself falling apart in the reflection of her pupils, even though I couldn't physically see it. But somehow, she could. 

"Does it really look that way?"

"How you're gripping onto the railing... the slight tremor in our eyes and voice... and the way you look at that ledge, like it's the answer to a question... it's clear."

My breath hitched. "I don't know what you're talking about," I mumbled, looking away.

"You don't have to pretend with me," she said, her voice surprisingly strong. "I've been there too, you know. The edge of the world, looking down, wondering if the fall would hurt. So, what's eating at you? Can you talk about it?"

"It's none of your business..." Is she here to make fun of me too? I'm tired of everyone treating me like this. "Just let me be!"

"Yeah, I understand..." She moved a bit closer, "It's not really my business..." even closer, "By the way, what's your name?" And in a quick moment, she was standing right next to me. The proximity felt awkward. I'd never been this close to a girl before, and the awkwardness felt thick enough to cut with a knife. My body reacted before my mind could catch up, shuffling back to create some space. 

She smirked. "So you're socially awkward too? Makes sense!"

My voice, when it finally came, stumbled over itself. "Who cares...? W-why do you want to know my name?"

"Don't be so cold, just share it."

"Reol. Reol Wright. Are you happy now?"

"Yeah. And now that I know your name, Reol, I guess you can open up to me as well."

"What are you talking about? T-to let you know... knowing my name doesn't change anything. Just go away now!"

"I would've left you alone... But what were you planning to do up here after that? Even if it's none of my business, I can't imagine a good reason you wouldn't want to talk about it with someone..."

It was as if fate, in a twist of irony, had chosen this rooftop to shatter the isolation that had become my prison. But still, I desperately craved the solitude, the comfort of my self-made isolation. 

"I didn't ask to hear that from anyone. Just let me be..."

"Reol, like I said earlier... you seem alone... But I feel that you didn't choose so to be. No one chooses to be so... without any real reason..." 

"Don't sprout anything. You don't understand anything about me." 

"But if you don't tell me, then how can I even understand. I could tell that you're used to people turning around from you. I mean, you totally jumped when I got close to you..."

'So if you understand, then..."

"But if nothing else, I'm not turning around from you. Because I'll never accept what may happen next. I'll not be able to forgive myself. So, how about you turn towards me too?"

For a moment, I brought my eyes towards her. Right at they way of hers. Her words seemed to chip away at the black strokes between us. Walls I had gotten used to standing against anyone who dared to get close. It was a strange feeling, this tug-of-war within me.

She had brown hair, the color of rich, dark chocolate, capturing the fading sunlight and transforming it into flowing warm auburn highlights. Her eyes held a distant glint, a reflection of a pensive mood. Everything seemed to stand still in that unexpected moment. My own anxieties, momentarily forgotten, gave way to a strange sense of solace. There was something about her voice, her quiet persistence, and the way the world seemed to hold its breath around us... something that whispered a different message. To exhale... to let go...

"We got some test results back today," I mumbled, the words scraping against my throat.

"Uh-huh," she replied softly, her gaze still fixed on the canvas of dark blues emerging above. "And one of them wasn't kind?"

"Not one, actually... all of them were... bad."

"That's it? You're feeling down just for that?"

"Just for that!?" My words tumbled out in frustration, "How could you even understand? You don't know anything about me, except my name."

"Maybe you're right. Perhaps I misspoke. But even so, I still think you're blowing this out of proportion."

My breath hitched. "It's not just the grades," I whispered, the words tumbling out like a torrent that had been dammed for far too long. "It feels like...no matter what I try, no matter how hard I work, I just fail at everything." These words were a first for me, baring my soul to someone else. All this time, I had kept them locked inside, tightly sealed away in my heart. But now, they were pouring out, my words, my feelings, all my doubts, everything. And even though I knew she couldn't solve all my problems, there was a flicker of hope, a tiny ember of possibility that maybe, just maybe, by letting someone in, I could start to find my way out of the darkness.

"I'm a complete failure. No matter what I attempt. I have an older brother, and he's this brilliant star, excelling in everything he touches. Something I can only dream of achieving." My voice dropped to a near whisper. "But I do try. I really do put in the effort. It just...it hurts. It burns like a fire in my gut every time Mother compares us. It just fuels this self-hatred that festers inside me."

But that's not the point.

I had been bottling them up for far too long. If she hadn't been here to listen, I can't imagine what I might have done. It felt like a time bomb, and she appeared just in time to keep it from detonating. "It's the same for everyone in my class as well. Every single person. They laugh, they joke... and then move on, as if they have no issues in their life. The pain I carry, it's invisible to them. And that, that's what makes me despise them the most. This all-consuming hatred...I hate them all! I wish they would just disappear, vanish into thin air! Because if they can't see past their own happiness to the misery I'm drowning in, then they don't deserve to be around! THEY SHOULD ALL JUST..."

"Die?"

I held onto my shirt, my words all out in the open now. "...THEY SHOULD ALL JUST BREAK..." There was a certain relief that came with shouting them out. "...feeling the same I've been feeling for years." Even though it hurt too. 

"And that's why you were thinking... about ending it all?"

I was waiting for those words. What I truly wanted to scream, yet couldn't make myself to. "Yeah! What's the point of living anymore if this is all I am? A complete and utter failure." Every word felt like a shard of glass, scraping against my throat.

"So you think all your problems would disappear? That all your problems vanish with a single step off the edge? That somehow, you'll find something better in a life you haven't even lived...by abandoning the one right here in front of you?"

My jaw clenched. "But I've tried! Countless times! Nothing changes, nothing ever gets better! It's the same cycle over and over!"

She turned away, her gaze now on the horizon where the last embers of the sun cut into streaks of orange and purple. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she asked softly.

"W-what?"

"The sunset," she replied. "It doesn't do anything extraordinary, just rises and sets, following the same predictable pattern every single day."

Confused, I followed her gaze, my eyes drawn to the breathtaking display of color above us. I had seen countless sunsets in my life, yet for some reason, this one felt different, tinged with a bittersweet beauty.

"A life where we just follow the instruction manuals written by someone else... it's really pretty too, right?"

"I don't understand..."

"What you said a little while ago. Yes, they should all break! All those suffocating ideas you've been clinging to. Because honestly, Reol," she said, her voice dropping a bit, but bouncing with more character now,  "who cares what they think? The world around you is unpredictable, chaotic even. This is your life, and you get to decide how to live it. Nobody else gets to write your story for you. And yeah, maybe I'm a bit like that chaotic world," she admitted with a shrug. "Uncertain, unpredictable. But even just existing...even facing all that uncertainty...it's a challenge, wouldn't you agree? Sometimes I wish we were like characters in a video game, where a few button presses could change everything. But that's not how life works, is it?"

"But doesn't that contradict what you were saying earlier?"

"Don't misunderstand. That's simply how the world operates. We can't change that. But what we can do is be patient. Life has no strict rules, it just keeps moving, evolving in its own way as time goes on. You can't go around your instruction manual, but that doesn't mean you'll find the same sunset on summer and fall, on rainy and clear skies. So just speak you heart out, even if just once! It might take a few years, maybe even a decade, or perhaps just a single day. Just wait until then. And when that moment arrives, you'll enjoy this same sunset again... but with a smile!"

In the end, I never learned her name. Once she finished speaking, she departed just as she had arrived – like a breeze. I didn't chase after her. I held onto the railing tightly. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I couldn't help but let them fall. Perhaps, just perhaps, she was right. Maybe I had been waiting for this moment, for a stranger to break through the walls I'd built, to show me a different way of seeing the world.

"Reol, I'm telling you for the last time! Come downstairs!"

Mother's voice came from the kitchen. It wasn't something unusual – her voice getting louder whenever she's annoyed – but at this moment, I couldn't quite figure out why. Maybe because I got home a bit late today? Yeah, that might be it...

I went down the stairs, a mixture of curiosity and a bit of worry in my steps. My father was already sitting at the table, lost in the newspaper. "Oh, hey, Reol," he said, not looking up, just nodding like it was no big deal.

Mother appeared from the kitchen. "Reol, why were you so late today? Where were you?"

My guess was correct. "I told you I had club activities..."

She seemed almost shocked. "But do club activities usually go on until after sunset? And it's not like you're so involved in that club."

"Well, it's compulsory for everyone. I don't really have a choice, and I don't really like it either."

"Then why are you talking back to me?" She turned to my dad, as if expecting him to say something. "Honey, don't you have anything to say?"

My father, as always, seemed to shrink under her gaze. He was a man who thrived on peaceful co-existence, and any sort of confrontation sent him scrambling for the nearest exit. He usually wants to keep things simple and avoid any fuss. It might not be very helpful to me, but at least it's one less thing to worry about. 

"It's okay, maybe he was just hanging out with friends," he said calmly, trying to smooth things over.

"Friends?" my mother scoffed. "What kind of friends keep someone out until the streetlights flicker on?"

My father opened his mouth to counter, but my mother cut him off with a curt, "Let's not get into that now. Reol, sit down."

I slumped into my chair, tracing the worn path on the seam of my jeans with a numb finger. 

"Alright, the reason we called you down here," my father began, his voice taking on a serious tone, "is that we'll be moving out of this house next week."

My head snapped up. "Moving? You mean, to a new place?"

"That's right," he confirmed. "I got a transfer letter today. It's sudden, usually they give us a month's notice, but apparently there's not much we can do about the timing."

It might take a few years, maybe even a decade, or just a single day. Just wait till then. And when that time comes...