Empty Promise

Three weeks have passed since I’ve lived in Celicia’s home. The family has treated me well despite the fact that I still sleep in the workshop room, but I don’t really mind since I’m kind of used to it at this point.

Right now, I’m in charge of making dinner for the whole family. I’ve taught Ms. Clairene some dishes from my hometown and she’s really quick to pick things up. I would teach her a dish and she would’ve gotten close to mastering it within a week.

“Here you go…”

The entire family cheered in harmony as the smell of my home dish Okonomiyaki emanated throughout the kitchen room.

“…”

Everyone except Celicia who is narrowing her eyes at me.

“…?”

I pay it no mind and return to the kitchen station.

“Hngrh…”

I clasp my head with my right hand, the pulsating ache radiates through my entire head. It's as if a weighty chain is attached to me, slowing my movements. Each step I take is accompanied by a perceptible heaviness, like trudging through thick mud.

I accidentally dropped the tray on top of the kitchen table, creating a loud clanging sound that made everyone jump.

“…!” Celicia stood up from her chair whilst stretching her right hand.

“Is everything okay?” Ms. Clairene said as she got out of her seat to approach me.

“…” Celicia then slowly retracts her hand, her gaze looking downwards, and sits down.

“Yeah… I’m okay,” I replied, followed by a dry laugh, “I’m just a bit tired is all. Hahaha…” I scratch my head.

“…You should get some rest Shizue. You have dark circles under your eyes…” Ms. Clairene replied.

“I-Is that so?” I gaze away from Ms. Clairene only to be met with Celicia’s furrowed gaze.

Why does she look upset? Did I do something wrong?

---

After that whole ordeal was over, we sat down together and started eating our food. As we were eating, the old man and Ms. Clairene were cheerfully talking about their day with some flirtatious comments inserted here and there that made me a bit annoyed. However,

“…”

Celicia only replied with yes and no’s whenever her parents brought her up, but her gaze is still stuck onto me even as we eat.

“…”

Why does she look so upset anyway? I don’t remember doing anything that made her upset… All I did today was practice my pottery skills so that—

“Ow!”

“…!”  

I accidentally dropped my spoon, and then I held my right wrist that has a gnawing pain as if something was pressing down on my wrist, followed by my right hand’s wrist becoming red.

“Hey kid, are you okay?” The old man stops eating and asks.

“Yeah… I bumped the table on accident…” I replied.

“…That so? Make sure you be careful kid.” The old man replied as he continued to munch on his food.

“Shizue, if there’s a problem make sure you talk about it with us, okay?” Ms. Clairene said with a frown on her face.

“It’s okay, really. I’m just a bit tired is all…” I raised my hand at Ms. Clairene.

“…If you say so…” Ms. Clairene replied as she continued to munch on her food.

---

“Shizue, are you sure you won’t let us do the dishes? You made this for all of us to begin with…” Ms. Clairene said as she stood next to me in front of the sink.

The sink is filled with an assortment of utensils and plates for the Okonomiyaki. There are also some leftover plates from the middle of the day lying there as most of us in this household are too lazy to clean everything up one by one, so we decided to clean things up once we’ve piled the dirty dishes up.

“Hey Mom, is it okay if I help him out instead?” Celicia asks as she stands behind me as she puts her plate in the sink.

“Is that okay with you?” Ms. Clairene asks.

“It’s okay…” Celicia gave a nod.

“That so…” Ms. Clairene smiled, “Alright, I’ll be going then, thanks for the help, dear!” Ms. Clairene said as she went back to her room.

“As carefree as always huh…” I muttered.

“…Let’s get to cleaning. I want to sleep early for tonight.” Celicia headed to the sink and turned it on.

“O-Okay…”

“…”

“…”

Both of us stayed silent for a while as the clacking of metals reverberated throughout the room being the only sound that filled the place.

“…”

I look at Celicia to my left who is solemnly cleaning up every plate.

However, her movement suddenly stopped, gazing at the plate.

“…Hey, Yuuma…” She called out while still looking down.

“Yeah?” I continued doing my dishes.

“What time did you sleep last night?” Celicia asks.

“…Around ten or eleven—”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“…”

I stop my hand motion, keeping my gaze stuck on the plate.

“…”

I slowly turned to my left to be met with Celicia’s fierce gaze that gripped my heart, as if she's not letting me go if I don't talk.

“…I slept at four…” I replied in a mutter.

“… And what were you doing at that time?”

“…Practicing pottery…” I avoid her gaze.

“And why couldn’t you do that in the middle of the day?”

“…It’s because…”

I don’t want to be left behind. I want to be recognized by the old man. I want to be useful to you all for the first time in my life.

“Your answer?”

“It’s because…” I clench my fist as hard as I can. I gulp my saliva and look Celicia in the eye, “I want to improve…”

“…I see.”

As Celicia said that, she placed the plate she was holding onto the drying tray and picked up a new dirty plate, scrubbing off the dirt.

“…”

“But…” Celicia continues to scrub the plate, her eyes gradually welling up with her face slowly crunching, “Don’t overwork yourself…” She picks up the pace of her hand movement and then moves on to the second one, moving at a fast pace so I can’t look at her face.

“…”

Why does she look as if she’s on the verge of tears?

Worrying about people is one thing, but worrying about someone until you want to cry is something else…

“…Okay…” I replied.

“…Good,” Celicia replied.

As I finished cleaning off my plate, I motioned my hand to grab the next one, only to realize that there was non left.

“…”

“…”

Both of us stood still, the quietness slowly suffocating me as if I were at a bottomless ocean.

“…”

“…”

“…Seems like we’re done…” I said, trying my best to break the silence, “Thanks for the help Celicia. I’m gonna go to bed now, so see you later—”

“Yuuma.” Celicia pulled on my shirt. Despite the fact that she’s not putting in any strength, it still feels as if I got caught in a mouse trap, unable to run away.

“…”

I look back towards Celicia, her face facing downward.

“Promise me that you won’t push yourself.”

As Celicia said that, she looked up at me. However, what’s painted on her face isn’t a pleading face or a sad face from when we were doing the dishes.

“…”

It’s a determined face.

A face showing absolute certainty in their decisions. A face that is prepared to face any kind of obstacles. A face that won’t budge until I give her a proper answer.

“…Okay.”

I can’t beat you.

I’m just hoping that you’re not doubting yourself in what you can achieve. You can go higher than me, leaving me behind in the dust.

That’s why I can’t keep your promise.

If you have that look on your face, how can I just be honest with you? Showing my weakness now will only bring you down to me, and I don’t want that.

You have the ability to become something extraordinary. I see those kinds of fiery eyes a lot in people, and most of the ones that have that flame would end up either extinguished or it’ll burn even brighter.

Knowing you from these past few weeks, you will fall to the latter point. I just wish you could be aware of it and take pride in it.

That’s why I need to push myself to the best of my ability to be a match for you. Even if I have all the time in the world to catch up, you’ll also have all the time in the world to go further beyond, so I need to be able to stand by your side before that day comes.

“Be sure about it.” Celicia brings up her right hand and brings up her pinky.

“…Yeah.” I clasp that pinky with my right hand.

“You can work hard if you want, but please rest if you’re tired,” Celicia said with her eyes looking forlorn.

“I will…” I said as I strengthened my pinky.

So now I’ve become a liar huh… As if I don’t have any more reasons to resent myself…

The least I should do to answer those eyes is to keep a check on myself. I’ll still push myself, but let’s try to keep it at a moderate level.

…

…..

……