Leap of Faith

Hana’s eyes went wide with shock, her jaw hanging open as if he had just slapped her across the face. He didn’t need to look to know that his words had cut her deeply, and for that he was truly sorry. A deafening wall of silence fell between them, forcing the gap between them wide open.

“Wh – why?” The halting words were soaked in bitter confusion, almost desperate in their pleading, “Why? Why, Lucius!? Why would you say such a thing? I-Is it something that I did? Something I said?” His gut twisted in response to her obvious pain, and he forced out a hasty reply,

“No, no. Trust me, Hana. This…this isn’t about anything you did wrong. It’s…quite the opposite in fact.” He heard her step closer, “Then tell me! Explain this to me, because I do not understand! Why do you want us to separate?”

This was expected, though he didn’t quite anticipate for it to hurt so much. But he owed her this much, so he would need to endure this suffering a little longer,

“Once we reach Ikara, everyone will hear about what you did here, Hana. Your name will spread far and wide like wildfire, and people from all over will want to seek you out to learn who you are. I’m sure that one of them will be able to help you far better than I can.” He was surprised at how relieving it was to finally put words to that acrid sensation, that which had been plaguing him since the day he had met her. It had been a wonderful dream, to travel alongside such a wonderful person as her, but it was time for that dream to end.

Hana struggled to fight back, “H – H – How can you say that? You have done nothing but help me, since the very beginning!” A sad excuse for a smile showed weakly on his face, only to be chased away by melancholy, “I appreciate you saying that, but let’s be real for a moment, Hana. How much good have I actually done for you? Every time I tried to make a call or plan or literally any kind of decision, it ends up backfiring horribly. Staying with me will only put you in more danger, that’s why you should find someone more capable.”

His admission tumbled from within like a waterfall that threatened to drown them both, spilling out without feeling or remorse. This was his truth, that which he had been hiding from her for days now, or perhaps had been hiding within for far longer. There was no way he could keep her safe, not that she needed protection anyways. Stupefied as she was, Hana could to little more than sputter incoherencies that quaked with grief, and through it all his torrent continued unabated,

“I’ve seen what you can do, and you know that you don’t need me. I do appreciate you keeping me around this long, and I do mean that. But we both know that you’re better off without me, I’ll just get in your way. I’ll stay with you long enough to find you someone good, and I’m sure Astora will reward you for saving the ship. I’d just take a little bit of gold to get back home and the rest can –”

A pair of slender, trembling arms hesitatingly wrapped around his waist from behind while a familiar warmth pressed into his back. The ocean spray moistened his face and he tasted salt. He could feel her shaking as her grip tightened on his clothes, “What poison is this? Do you truly believe that I take you so lightly? That…that is inconceivable! How could possibly think that?! You have no idea what you’ve done for me, how much you’ve done for me!”

The words simply rolled off his shoulders, deflected by his certainty, “I’ve done nothing but cause you suffering. It was my decision to go to Atin, and we both remember how well that turned out. And it was my idea to push using the sea to escape my own mistake, which nearly got us killed. Each time, it was you who ended up being the solution, the one who cleaned up after my mistakes. I don’t want to be the problem anymore, to be the cause of your pain.”

“But you aren’t! You are anything but that!” Hana’s voice rose to near shouting, pressing her forehead into the space between his shoulders, “Please, please stop this! I can’t…I won’t accept it! I don’t want to be away from you, not now, not ever!”

A great swell lifted the Wavecutter several feet in the air, drenching them both in salt water, but Hana refused to let go. Lucius could feel cracks beginning to form in his heart; her words were pure and without any hint of deception, there was no doubting that she truly wanted this. Despite her heartfelt pleas, he simply could not willingly accept them without reservations,

“You don’t need me around, Hana. We both know that you’ll accomplish so much more without me slowing you down.”

Angrily butting her head against his back, she cried out, “Who are you to tell me what is best for me? Is that not my decision? Can I not decide for myself what I want or do not want? You keep saying that I can do wonderful things, that all you do is get in my way, but you could not be more wrong! The only reason I can find the strength to do those things is because of you!”

A shiver ran through him as her words rang clear in his head, dispelling the fog that claimed him for but a moment. Sensing an opportunity to be heard at last, Hana pressed the moment with a torrent of her own,

“Do you remember, when we first came face to face? I was alone and scared, lashing out at everything around me. Even when faced with nothing but my hatred, you responded with kindness. When I selfishly asked to be taken with you, I didn’t do so out of duress, but desire. You took pity on me, even though you did not have to, and allowed be to walk alongside you. You showed me a world so full of life and color that it would have swallowed me whole if not for you guiding me every step of the way! It is because of you that I find the strength to keep going! The knowledge that I always have you at my back spurs me on to discover more about myself, that no matter what I might do or become you’ll still be there when I wake up! So please, please…don’t abandon me…”

As effective as a dagger to the heart. If it wasn’t for Hana’s shuddering arms, he would have simply collapsed onto the railing, so deeply did her words cut. From deep beneath the sea of boiling doubt there came a simple want, “Believe her.” She had laid her heart bare for him, opened herself up in the most honest way a person can, and he had been ignorant to not see until now. This person hadn’t been simply abiding his presence, she had chosen him.

Salt water continued to sting against his face as realization slowly dawned on him. In his foolishness to see how he thought she had perceived him; he had never taken a moment to consider if this was actually true. His good hand slowly slid over hers where they clasped together, and it was unclear which of theirs shook more,

“You shine so brightly.” The words were thick and heavy, forced out through a throat that seemed to close entirely as he sucked in air, “When…when I see you, it’s like I’m looking at the sun itself. I just…can’t imagine myself standing anywhere close to you, not without either burning up or casting a shadow over your brilliance. And I think I’m more afraid of the latter…” Lucius paused to try and compose himself, during which Hana waited silently, each of their fingers slowly calming those of the other,

“I just can’t see a way to be someone who’s good enough for you…I can’t see any way forward.”

Hana carefully maneuvered her hands around his, turning him about so that they faced each other properly. Fresh tears flowed from the corners of her eyes, but even they could not dampen her smile’s infinite luster,

“Then why don’t we find one, together?”

Lucius stared into those immutable verdant pools and saw them alight with possibility. They screamed at him to trust in them, to forge a path of his own no matter what he might believe. Those eyes would never blink, never falter and never fail, not until their journey was done. If he would only fall into those eyes, those arms, then he might be offered the chance to become the impossible.

He looked down to where their hands joined and raised them to shoulder height, spreading out his fingers so that their palms were flat to each other. He admired her hands for a moment; not only how such power could be contained in such slender appendages, but also how soft and smooth they were against his skin. Then, against any kind of judgement, he laced his fingers into her own, forming a single, united fist.

“Alright, Hana. Let’s go find out who we are. Together.”

She breathed out a sigh of giddy relief, wiping away her tears with the back of her other hand, as she refused to let go of his. They remained in such a way for several minutes, recovering from their heightened emotional states and returning to their senses. When he became very much aware that some of the sailors had started to notice their absence, he gently unwove their fingers, much to Hana’s chagrin.

“Hey, so, Hana. Quick thing that I was wondering about.” She tilted her head and her tail swished along the deck, “Yes? What is it?”

“When you, uh, went a bit crazy back there…you…kinda bit me.” Even in the dim light of the lanterns nearby, he watched as she blushed so furiously that her skin resembled an overripe tomato. She spun away to quickly hide her embarrassment, “N-n-no, of course I didn’t! I would never, ever do such a thing! Nope! No way, no how!”

Lucius held up his hand and pulled back the bandages, “Are you sure? We can compare your teeth to these suspiciously teeth-shaped markings here…” Hana grabbed onto her ears and shook her head from side to side, “Ghhh…aaaahhhh! I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry! I don’t remember doing anything like that!! Ahhh…. this is so embarrassing…”

He waved her off, smiling a little, “It’s fine, just surprised me is all. I thought you were going to go berserk again, so I thought if you knew I was around it might calm you down. I think I was half right, at least.”

Hana crossed her arms and did a good job of hiding her expression, though her tail was swinging wildly about, which told him that she was hiding something,

“Well of course that would help! I did tell you that you had a good scent, and that I would recognize it anywhere! S-so good job!” Sensing opportunity, he pressed a bit more, “Okay then, but then you should’ve just sniffed a bit and be done. Doesn’t explain the biting part.”

“Ummm…. well…” He stepped around, trying to get her attention, enjoying the rare moment where he had the upper hand. Finally, she relented, “I think…I guess it was what you might refer to as…marking?”

Confused, he looked at the mark she left on him, “Marking? What do you mean by that?” Hana looked positively mortified, “I’m just guessing here…because I really, honestly don’t remember what I’m like when I become like that, but, and I am just making a guess here…butmaybethatpartofmesmelledotherwomenonyouandwantedthemtoknowthatyouwerealreadyclaimed?”

He blinked rapidly, sifting through the blur of words that Hana spilled out faster than anything she had said before. Though she tried to hide the meaning within the babble, he was still able to piece it together. Now it was his turn to turn a darker shade, colored by embarrassment. “There’s still a lot of mystery around her and her…behaviors. But I guess it isn’t so bad after all.”

By now, calls were being made out to them to rejoin the revelry, along with some very suggestive noises by some of the drunker sailors. Lucius rolled his eyes and gestured towards them,

“Looks like we’re being missed. Should we go back?”

Hana gave a firm nod and wrapped herself around his good arm, “Indeed! I have been wondering what this alcohol tastes like. It looks like so much fun!” Lucius sighed aloud, unsure if a drunk Hana would be a very good idea. “Or at least get some good booze, this stuff is basically swill. But it would get the job done…”

Astora reached them in the middle of the fracas, “Oh, by the way, keep that sword that I lent ya, should serve ya well in the future! And no give backs!” He smiled back and shouted over the music, “Thanks a bunch, Captain! So, do we have a plan once we reach land? We don’t know anybody there!”

She laughed at the question, “Ha! I’ve got just the person for ye! You’ll love ‘im, cause he’s a real piece of work, just like me!”

Leaving them to be once more swept up in the cheer, Hana and Lucius would enjoy the remainder of the evening as the celebrated party. The next day, Lucius knew they would reach Ikara, and they would begin a new stage of their journey.

And he knew that they would be facing the unknown, but he wasn’t as worried as he used to be. Because he was no longer alone. Whatever would come their way, whatever might deign to oppose them, Lucius knew that they would take it head-on.

Together.  

                                                               End of Part 1