Chapter 13:
The Shiruka Collection
As we trekked through the bamboo forest, we heard the sound of bongos. The sound grew louder as we trekked further in. When we reached a clearing, we saw a panda doing ballet while a crocodile played the bongos. I must be on drugs. Hell, maybe this is all a fever dream. Yes, maybe my dormmates actually started smoking shrooms and this was all a result of the drugs. Then I remembered I don't do drugs and that I was killed by a drop bear.
Wait, what about that cute zookeeper that tried to save me? Ugh, I wish I was traveling with her instead of this idiot.
As we tried to press onwards, we were stopped by an invisible wall.
"The hell is this!?"
"Gotta beat the boss," Richelieu's voice rang out.
"Why!?"
"Cause I said so. Bye Bitch!"
"Ahahahaha! Time to die!" the panda laughed as he danced over to me.
I pulled out my gun and attempted to shoot him, except he deflected the shots. I then tried kicking, but he blocked. Dumbee whipped out his knife, but just ended up killing us instead of the panda.
*Roux lost 70 brain cells to revive himself and Dumbee*
"What the hell are we supposed to do!?" I screamed out.
"Get in the groove," the crocodile stated.
I stared at the crocodile. The bongos he was playing looked odd. They were small and made an odd sound when pressed. Almost like the sound of a video game controller being pressed.
"*Sigh* Richelieu was right, you really are an idiot. Well, you are the MC, but still. Would it hurt to be a little more observant of your surroundings?" the crocodile groaned.
"I got it mate, we gotta out dance him!" Dumbee smiled as he began dancing.
It was painful to watch the movements he called dancing.
*Roux lost 2 brain cells*
Then, Dumbee tripped and messed up the panda's rhythm.
"Hey! You made me misstep," the panda growled as he fell and rolled towards me.
"*Sigh* Get ready to kick to the beat," the crocodile groaned.
The panda rolled up to me as I stared at him. He then got up and killed me.
*Roux lost 69 brain cells in order to revive himself*
"Wow bitch, ever play a rhythm game?" Richelieu's voice rang out.
"No."
"Then here's a hint, next time he rolls to you kick him on the count of 3. Bye bitch!"
Dumbee once again began dancing.
*Roux lost 2 brain cells*
Then, Dumbee tripped and messed up the panda's rhythm.
"Hey! You made me misstep," the panda growled as he fell and rolled towards me.
"*Sigh* Get ready to kick to the beat, 1,2,3, 1,2.3, it can't be that hard," the crocodile groaned.
The panda rolled up to me as I stared at him. He then got up and killed me.
*Roux lost 69 brain cells in order to revive himself*
"Lol you REALLY suck!" Richelieu's voice rang out.
I was starting to get tired of this damn loop.
Dumbee once again began dancing.
*Roux lost 2 brain cells*
Then, Dumbee tripped and messed up the panda's rhythm.
"Hey! You made me misstep," the panda growled as he fell and rolled towards me.
"*Sigh* Get ready to kick to the beat already before I lose my voice," the crocodile groaned.
The panda rolled up to me as I kicked too early. He then got up and killed me.
*Roux lost 69 brain cells in order to revive himself*
...
"Alright, get into the rhythm dammit. This is the 69th time you died. Fail now, and I'll make sure your journey ends here," Richelieu growled in annoyance.
"Hey! Time a to change the music!" a voice rang out.
I turned to see a mustachioed koala in overalls crawl up to the crocodile.
"*Sigh* Ravio, please no more of that dumb song," the crocodile pleaded.
"It's a my favorite song! Screw you!" the koala said as he suplexed the crocodile.
"Screw a the bongos! It's a pizza time!" Ravio shouted as an orchestra of mustachioed koalas appeared.
They then began playing funiculi funicula.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!? the panda screamed as he tripped on his own as Ravio began singing.
"Pizza pasta put him in a box! Bring him to me and let me cook the tortellini panda panini throw pepperoni on the walls! He's a cheesy weenie and I'm gonna succ some sauce!"
*Roux lost 2,004 brain cells*
"Wow, bad rhythm, but at least you managed to FINALLY LAND THE HIT! Never stream yourself playing a rhythm game if you somehow complete this quest. The barrier's gone. Bye bitch!" Richelieu growled.
Sure enough, the barrier was gone and we could proceed.
"Crikey mate, that was some of the most fun I've ever had dancing. We should do this again," Dumbee smiled.
"HELL NO!"
I grabbed him and dragged him away as fast as I could. I really hate him, and this hell.
...
"And WHY are there koalas dressed in overalls and wearing mustaches!?" the editor fumed.
"Because I saw a picture of a statue of a mustachioed koala wearing a hat and overalls and wanted to include it in this show somehow," Shiruka snickered.
"Care to explain the song!?"
"Funiculi funicula, it's a well known Italian folk song."
"NO! The bastardized lyrics!"
"Oh. Hey Ravio, sing the editor a verse."
Ravio crawled over and began singing.
"Pizza pasta you really suck cock. No humor either and you are an ass. You succ a macaroni, tortellini, ravioli, and the spicy meatballs! You're a cheesy weenie now I'm going to succ some sauce."
"The hell did you teach this little shit to say!?" the editor fumed.
"Hey, don't be mad that he dropped a diss on you," Shiruka snickered.
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