Chapter 1:

My Name

My Name

It’s said there are two types of people:
those ruled by the desire for life—Eros
and those ruled by the desire for death—Thanatos.

Sugaru is neither and both at the same time. In the old skyscraper at the very top of the world lives a lone sixteen-year-old who isn't wearing rose-tinted glasses. He sees the world for what it truly is- an ugly mess. 

He hates living with all his heart and couldn't be happier to be freed from the seemingly inescapable, all-binding shackles that are life. 

And yet, at the same time, he couldn't be happier to be alive. He truly enjoys even the most mundane things, like breathing.

Every time I take a breath, it reminds me that I am alive.

Sugaru thinks to himself as he lies in his bed, surrounded by nothing but trash from all sides. He last left his room a few years ago. He sits in complete darkness in his own little trash filled world. 

The longer he lies there, the more he yearns for someone to free him from this misery. The longer he stays in complete isolation, the more frantic his thoughts become.

We will all die anyway; what's the point of continuing all this if nothing matters in the end? Why bother trying to do anything if, in the future, everything disappears anyway? Whether you are Alexander the Great or a random peasant lost to history, in the end, both of them are equally worthless.

Sugaru continues to lay there, surrounded by his dark thoughts.

He ponders as he picks up a knife yet again. Sugaru does it daily to the point that it has become his habit.

Should I go through with it? In the end, even existence will disappear; what's the point in me continuing to exist?

Do I genuinely enjoy this, or are my self-preservation instincts trying to prevent me from disappearing? Why bother trying when you can give up? Does it truly make a difference whether you give up or not? Whatever I might achieve would be worthless anyway...

Logically thinking, I have been stuck on this bed for nearly a week. I can't move my legs anymore. That's no good. The smell used to be horrible, but I can't smell it anymore. Heh, am I starting to lose my senses? It is as if I am already disappearing.

Wait... Isn't that life in general? Like you already start dying even before you are born.


Now that I think about it, I haven't eaten in a while. When was the last time I ate? I can't remember; was it weeks or months? Years? It can't be. I would have died by now if I hadn't eaten that long.

"Haha !"


Huh, who could be there? I lived here for years now, and no one come to visit me once.

It's this damm room. Pitch dark, filled with trash so high even the windows are completely covered, and the stench is so foul it could make you vomit. It's a hell within four walls. And yet, it provides me with safety and comfort.

That's right, this place might be hell, but at least it's my hell, my own personal hell where no one else is allowed. Although I wish I could leave this place for one last time, I don't have the strength to do so.

"Heyyyyy! "

Someone shouts, interrupting Sugaru's thoughts.

Did I forget to lock the door?

He can hear someone walking through all the trash straight towards him. In the complete darkness, Sugaru can't see a thing.

"S-t-t-tay a-a-away !"

He shouts in horror as the creature approaches him. A downpour of scary thoughts suddenly overwhelms him.

To his surprise, before him, there is a beautiful girl. She stands above his bed and is looking straight at him. Slim and short, with nice looking long, lightly pink hair and weird clothes. Her eyes sparkle in the darkness. She also has two horns. It's even stranger that Sugaru can see her face so clearly in the complete darkness.

"Hey, can you hear me? !"

"W-who-o a-are you ?"

Stammers terified Sugaru. It's the first time he has spoken with another person in years.

"You mean me?"

She leans above him and takes away his knife.

Wow, she smells so good the terrible stench of the cursed room is dissipating.

"I have come here to take you."

"Take me where? Who are you?"

"I'm * **** ******. I came here to free you!"

She jumps down from the bed gracefully like an angel.

"So what are you waiting for? Follow me!"

"But my legs won't work! I can't feel them!"

Shouts Sugaru.

Oh my god, is this guy retarded?

"Heyy, you.. have you ever tried getting up? You know it's stupid to give up before you even try, right ???"

The mysterious girl looks at him like he's some cockroach.

What is with this girl? Why is she looking at me like I'm some pest?

Sugaru attempts to get up, and his body instantly springs back up from the bed.

Whoahhh, what is this? My body is so agile that it almost feels like I'm floating.

"Did you do something to me while I was asleep? I don't remember ever feeling like this ?"

"Huh? Don't be a weirdo. Nobody is doing anything to someone like you, so don't worry, you can sleep soundly in peace."

"What ?! You don't have to be this mean, you know?"

"Will you stop arguing with me?"

Grumbles the mysterious girl.

"Just follow me..."

She says as she steps out of the room. The girl disappeared.

Sugaru looks around.

Hmm, it's weird. Maybe I will follow her and see how it goes.

He musters up all his courage, steps out of his room, and is shocked by the sight bestowed before him. Sugaru is standing in the cosmos, surrounded by the stars.

Wait, how did I even get here?

Sugaru looks behind himself and sees something unsettling.

The door to his room disappears into thin air.

"Heyyy !!!!"

A familiar voice shouts out.

Sugaru looks back and sees her, the beautiful girl standing in the middle of the star-filled scenery.

Wait, isn't she floating? What's going on? 

He starts to get a bit nervous.

"Jeez, you are a difficult one, aren't you? Just follow me, or is that too much to ask?"

"Who are you?"

Sugaru asks with an unnerved look on his face.

"Didn't you hear me last time?"

I guess he isn't ready yet. That's strange; this one is clearly different from the others, and the room was also weird.

She thinks.

"Well, you could say that I'm the guide."

"What guide?"

She jumps up and gracefully lands right in front of him.

"I'm here to guide you on your journey towards the ***."

She says with a straight look on her face. However, the weirdly cold smile makes Sugaru even more nervous. Her long hair touches his face, and her small, slightly pointy nose tip barely grazes his cheek.

Woah, I have never been this close to a girl before.

Sugaru blushes.

"What do you want from me?"

"Ugh, you are seriously getting on my nerves now, you know what? With that attitude, you will never get to enjoy anything in life. Stop complaining and enjoy the trip !"

She grabs his hand and jumps deep down into the endless abyss of stars.

"Wow, it's so pretty!

Sugaru can't help but be immersed in the scenery around him.

He then looks at the girl holding him by the hand and blushes.

She's pretty as well.

"Heyyyy, what are you staring at ???!!!"

Although her attitude kind of sucks, I wonder who she is. I could have never imagined that someone so weird existed.


Sugaru laughs at the bizarre situation.

"What's so funny, you idiot?"

"I realized I haven't asked your name yet."

"Oh, that, my name is *****."

Huh, it feels as if I missed her words yet again.

He still doesn't get it?

She is a bit disappointed now.

"Look, we are here!"

Shouts out the girl.

She points at the vortex of stars going through the Milky Way.

"What? What is this place?"

Asks confused Sugaru.

I have a bad feeling about this.

"The end."

Says the unknown girl as she pushes Sugaru straight into the vortex of stars.

"Thank you!"

Sugaru says to her with a smile on his face as he disappears into nothingness.


This one was most definitely quite different from the others. As short as it was, our journey was delightful.

"Ahhhh, what's wrong with me today?!"

The girl remembers when she was standing so close to him that their faces touched.

She blushes, smiles, and looks at the endless stars.

"I don't know where you are or what happened to you, but I hope we meet again someday."

"Oh yeah, if you can hear me now, my name is Thanatos !!!"

She helplessly screams at the top of her lungs into the void.

My Name