Chapter 1:

How I Became a Thanatos

How I Became a Thanatos

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I never wanted anyone to get hurt. I didn’t think anyone would find me, but he did. The wind blew through me as I watched him approach, right hand instinctively reaching out to me. Me. A crazy girl about to throw everything away.

That must have been what he thought, yet he didn’t stop. I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

“Hey… um?”


“So, ah… what are you doing up here?”

I shifted slightly, fighting to ignore him and throwing myself to my Thanatos. But I couldn’t do it even as I looked behind me.

“What does it look like?”

“Is there any chance I can talk you out of this?”

“Why would you want to?”

“Because you….”

I turned back to him, searching his face as he struggled to find the right words. And that’s when I saw it. He was looking at me the way I look at my Thanatos. My God of Death. I never believed in love at first sight before seeing my Thanatos for the first time. And now this stranger was looking at me the same way.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but this is where my Thanatos led me. So it must be fate. I wasn’t ready to let go of the fence yet, though.

“Go on. Because I’m?”

“Because no one should ignore something like this. And I’d like to help you if you’ll let me?”

“Help me?”

How can anyone help me… unless?! I stepped down and took his hand, surprising both of us. He smiled and gently pulled me away, but I couldn’t resist looking at my Thanatos again. He was smiling, and he looked like the boy holding my hand.

It wasn’t the last time I went to the roof, but I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye. I texted him and waited for his inevitable arrival.

“Don’t do it!”

It was almost like a game. I let him take me home and eventually moved in with him. We learned about each other, and there were days when I didn’t see my Thanatos. But he never stopped looking at me like I was his Thanatos. It was odd. But it didn’t prevent me from going to the roof.

How many times are we going to do this? I’m tired. I just want to end it with you, please say you understand so we can go together. So we can be together.

I never begrudged him. I never wanted to see him hurt, but no matter what he did. I continued seeing my God of Death. In him. His face. His voice. How wonderful this turn of events became. If I’d been anyone else, full of life and energy. I’m sure we could have gotten married and pursued normal things.

But going to the roof always felt right. Not taking his hand time and time again felt wrong. It wasn’t right to go alone. I could see the same tiredness in his eyes, but even though he saw me. He wasn’t ready to come with me. So, I keep going to the roof and texting him.

And he never stopped coming.

The chill wind was a relief in more ways than one.

“You did it. You finally figured it out!”

I didn’t think I could feel so happy, but seeing him smile was the most beautiful thing in the world.

He nodded. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting so long.”

“Don’t be. You’re here now. You’re ready… aren’t you?”

“Yes. Let’s go together before we change our minds!”

I took his hand and kissed it. “I’m not going to change my mind. I took your hand back then because I knew we were the same. Hey. Did I ever tell you that my Thanatos looks like you?”

“Really? No, you never said that. Has it always looked like me?”

“He. And no. I don’t really remember what he looked like before, but it doesn’t matter now! Are you ready to come with me, my Thanatos?”


I squeezed his hand as he joined me on the right side of the fence. The free side. Then, we let gravity and the wind do the rest as we ran. The sky had never looked so large before that moment; the wind played with us as we fell. But I never let go of his hand as the earth slowly drew us back down.

My Thanatos’s smiling face looked so peaceful in sleep I couldn’t resist kissing him before hugging him tightly. The butterflies danced around us as our new world welcomed us home.