Father

I have been very lucky to have very good friends that helped me survive in this hellhole called earth, with how much I'm struggling to keep myself in check. The amount of times I almost drowning from depression and thoughts of ending it myself is too many to count, I am very fortunate Olivia and Hanako is always pulling me out of the lake or otherwise I'll be gone by now.

There are still missing pieces from my body that I will never get back, that still haunts me everyday.

It has been 5 years since my father passed away, died from a heart attack from overworking himself. My mother often said to him that he should not work too hard and look after his health, but my father keeps overworking himself and said "I want to support my daughter, as much as I can."

My mother told me that father came from a poor family, that's why he tried his hardest to make sure that I don't have my dream ruined because of money like him. He always dreamed of opening a ramen shop, but can't do so because he can't afford to run it when his family was struggling. By the time he have enough money, he already have me and my mom so he prioritize our family and gave up on his dream.

Every once in a while when he got time, he made us ramen that is still the best ramen I've ever had.

I hope he is happy seeing me from heaven, now chasing my dream to become a musician.

I am visiting my father's grave to commemorate his passing, mother doesn't come with me today because she still has work to do, though she said that she will visit here as soon as she is done with her work.

I cleaned the grave, place a few apples because dad likes them, and pray.

After it's done, I stay there to talk to him, "Dad, thank you for everything that you did, now I am pursuing my dream to become an artist." Tears start flowing from my eyes, "I wish you could see me now, in a band with friends that always got my back, and fans that love my music." I wiped my tears and stand up, "I wish we could eat your ramen together again."

I went home holding back my tears in the way, and release all of them when I arrived at home.

I want to write a song for him, so everyone can know that he is the best father ever.

I picked up my book, and my pen, and start writing.

Father's Dream

Walking from work I can see your hands shaking
You worked so hard to get me going
And abandoned your own dreams
To make my dream come true

Times and times again we always told you
But you still keep doing it
Working until the sun is gone
Ruining your own body in process

He always said
"I want to support my daughter,
As much as I can"
Without minding his own
And passed away without seeing
His flower to start blooming

His dream of owning a ramen shop
He gave up on it, to keep me going
Every time he is making us ramen
I can see his smile doing it

I want to see it again

Now that I am blooming
You are not here anymore
But I hope you see me from up there

Thank you for everything
I can't be where I am right now
Without your sacrifice
Thank you for everything

I recorded everything in one go, only me singing with my acoustic guitar. I want people to hear me singing to my dad and nothing else. I teared up a little bit while singing, the memories of we're being together start to creeping back, which I am glad that I can still remember all of those beautiful memories with him.

Then I looked around for a photo with my dad, and found the photo where dad was carrying me as a baby on a sofa. It looks grainy and a bit dark, that makes it more nostalgic.

I hold it with my hand and capture it with my phone, and then use it on the Youtube upload of the song.

I titled the video "Father's Dream" only, and I leave the description empty.