An Unopened Letter

*

Rozeli,

My mind is still going around in circles, and I've been writing, and rewriting letters to try and explain what's been going on, but I can't seem to find the right words. So if I'm going to send a proper letter without it sounding like a confused jumble of words, I'll start off with by saying this: I want you to know that I'm alright, I was (few words were scratched out) wounded in the arm, but only grazed. The nurse said it was nothing to worry about but they want to keep me here for a while longer just to make sure I'm fine. I can't (few words thoroughly scratched out) wait to get to get discharged. Hospitals make me antsy.

With the war over, I’ve been informed that we will be the first on the train back to Gierrochs. It’s a bit of a shock, even among my colleagues, but none of us are complaining. When I'm discharged from the hospital, I'll write again and let you know I'll be making my way back.

Rozeli, about the (word scratched off) other letter I sent you. I want to say I'm sorry. I was in a stressful situation, and I allowed my feelings to get the better of me. It won't happen again.

I (word scratched off) am eager to make it to Gierrochs and see you.

Warmest regards,

Laeo

Sergeant Laeo Vehrae

1st Vanguard Army

*

You press your cheek against the glass and feel the faint vibration of the train hauling across the lush countryside. The sight of remote villages nestled atop of carefully crafted hills with inhabitants tending to their crops, as well as children running around playing games beyond logic sooth the tense sensation in your chest. Yet there is one thing that you can't shake when you stare at them.

"Bend with your legs." You growl in annoyance at the farmers, but you roll your eyes knowing your stern lecture will go unheeded.

You gaze back at the children frolicking across the field and begin to make some sense of their game when you see some hiding behind a small outcropping. That's when one of the boys chasing those in hiding catches up to them brandishing a meek looking stick and begins swinging it.

You then see a smile on his face that gives you chills. It's not a that gleeful innocent grin but one that's rather demented and you grow alarmed of knowing that you underestimated how large and devastating that stick was. More like a club!

Paralyzed, you watch in horror as the boy bludgeons the other into the much, blood sprays out in all directions but his attacks are cut short when the beaten child lunges up and begins beating him to a pulp with his bruised fists. The sight grows more gruesome and and savage as other children begin butchering one another on the field with no reserve in malice or restraint.

Your eyes could no longer handle the strain and force themselves to blink. You release yourself from the spell with a heavy gasp and when you gaze out again at the carnage in the field, you find yourself at a loss to see the children lost in their imagination, laughing, running and dueling like each other like heroes in fairy tales until a section of children raise their sticks and fists in their air in victory while other raise their hands up with sour looks on their faces like they lost. But the mood merrily shifts as the begin a new set of games.

You close your eyes and vigorously shake your head to see if your eyes are playing tricks on you, but as you look out you can see the kids have begun a game of tag, absent of sticks and duels.

You let out a sigh and look away, casting a blank stare at the empty seat next to you before bowing you head down.

"Wonder if it'll rain soon." You hope.

You always love the rain.

*

The large station houses many of your comrades and soldiers from allied nations from various fronts. Several getting off their transports, while many others are boarding. Guess you should not be surprised given how neighboring Angardach houses one of the largest and busiest train hubs on the continent.

Still, you wish people can just hurry up and board the train!

One of the staff was kind enough to give you something to drink, and you politely accepted a bottle of apple juice. It may not calm the nerves like a proper drink would, but you never were a fan of that kind of taste.

The sudden hissing of the train nearly causes you to spill your drink, you curse silently from the fright but you begrudgingly regain your composure, embarrassed that a train got under your skin.

You quickly forget the humiliation as the train finally begins pulling out of the station. And the commotion outside can tell this cart is a lot livelier than when you first got on. So long as no one decides to steal that seat across from you. Or worse... right next to you!

As the train picks up speed and the steps outside falter, lukewarm relief flows through you as you're certain that your small sanctuary will not be shared with another grunt.

You bow your head and quickly become aware of the letter, wrinkled yet unopened, resting on your lap.

You frown knowing it's from Rozeli. She was quick to write back after your distressful letter, and you just can't help but feel she may have lost a bit of respect for you. She may not have been direct in her words, likely being polite with them, but the feeling would still be there. Hence you never really had the stomach to open it. Still, as strange as it sounds, having that letter may have just been your lucky charm. Or at the least, kept you sane on the front.

Or mostly sane at least.

You expel a defeated sigh, not having the courage to read her letter. Maybe you'll read it when you make it to Gierrox. But you can't help but wonder whether Rozeli will show up to meet you despite expressing your hopes to see her after a long time. Maybe she won't after your moment of weakness, but at least there's a chance.

If not, well then, you'll need to think ahead and try and get a job. Maybe you'll stay in Gierrochs, or maybe you'll-

"Excuse me..." A low soft voice catches your attention.

It's fortunate that you're looking down, otherwise the newcomer might have fully seen your disgust and annoyance that you would feel obligated to share this cabin with him. You bite you lip to hold in your sigh, donning your mask and glance up with a friendly grin.

The grunt standing outside the entrance is in full dress winter greys with the cap included, but you can tell by the crutch that his gait is not what it once was. Thankfully, it looks like he still has all his limbs attach, if you count the leg of metal and cogs. This auburn haired man wore a weary smile across his round face and his olive brown eyes look just as tired. Morbid as it sounds, it was comforting.

Maybe you just felt assured that you're not the only one feeling the same way.

"Do you mind?" He hesitantly asks. "I'm sorry, but... other spots are full."

"Not at all." You graciously offer, gesturing you hand out to the seat across from you.

His face brightens and nods in gratitude as he hops his way over before slowly plopping down on his seat. You two share friendly grins but choose not to say anything.

You wonder if he's feeling just as awkward as he is right now, maybe hoping that he would find a cabin all to himself.

"I'm Erik, by the way." He introduces. "Thanks again."

"Names Laeo." You coolly reply. "Pleasure."

It's likely you outrank him, but the chain of command is something you could not care less for right now. Truthfully, it's a welcoming change of pace.

He nods again and frowns. "Hey, sorry for... you know, intruding."

His apology startles you as you came to some irrational line of thinking that he could read you're feeling.

"Honestly, I was hoping for a nice peaceful ride back all by myself, but... well... this was the only spot I can find."

You raise a brow. "Train really that packed?"

Erik averts his gaze in shame. "Well... there's one other cabin with another person in it but..." He lets out a forced chuckle.

"Yes?" You gently press.

Erik frowns. "He's from my unit and honestly, I... don't want to be with him right now."

"Oh... I see..." You nod in understanding.

Nothing is said after that. Honestly, you don't even know what to say to that. Then again, maybe no words are needed.

You quickly relax with Erik, feeling the atmosphere you share has a mutual understanding.

"BLUUEEEY!" You hear a nasally gruff voice echoing out in the halls. "HEY BLUEY! Where are you, man?!"

"Oh no..." Erik groans and bows his head towards the window.

You can tell that this is the grunt that Erik is trying to evade.

And talk about an unfortunate war name.

It doesn't take long to see a short spiky raven-haired man to appearing out from the slide door. Medium build, nothing remarkable about him other than having that happy-go-to gung-ho attitude to him. He unleashes a toothy grin when peering inside the cabin and immediately barges in.

"HEY!" He greets cheerfully coming over to pat him on the back. "Been looking all over for you!"

"Oh... hey, Hugar..." Spencer replies with a strained smile. "S-sorry... I just needed a place to rest my-"

"Ah, don't worry about it!" The newcomer Hugar easily brushes it off. "But man, when we get to the city, we're going to have one awesome night! I've got the whole thing planned. So, here's the drill: We find the missus and then hit this awesome joint where they serve the best lobster"

It's clear that Erik had no say in this. Still, you feel there's no ill will coming from Hugar, just the fuming irritation of the his merry attitude that many you knew once had.

"After that, you’re free to crash at our place! We're more than happy to have you!"

"Umm... that's..." Erik struggles to find the polite words. It's clear that he's conflicted on where to go from here.

That's where you intervene.

"Sounds like a fun night, huh?" You chime in.

Hugar looks up at you with a friendly grin. "Totally, yeah." He says before turning his gaze back to a cornered Spencer.

"Nice." You spring your trap. "ADDRESS ME AS SERGEANT WHEN YOU SPEAK TO ME! UP ON MY FLOOR, SOLDIER!"

The rumble in your throat and the power of your roar felt rejuvenating and had a strange sense of clarity. The feeling was alien but welcoming regardless.

And it more than had the desire effect when Hugar springs from his feet and snaps to attention with his chest pressed out.

Even Spencer looked a little frightened, but your stern gaze was fixated on the screw up grunt standing before you.

"Name and rank, soldier." You lower your voice but still hold the same intimidating theme.

"Quistlin, Hugar, Private First Class!" Derek cries out like a frightened recruit back in basic training.

You emerge from your seat and encroach on your stunned prey. "Soooo.... what made you think it was a good idea to enter MY cabin without MY permission, Private?"

Hugar’s ice blue eyes are wide as sauces with a bed of cold sweat on his temple. "S-sir, I jus-"

"MY NAME IS NOT 'SIR'!" You blare out. "DO I NEED TO MICROMANGAGE HOW YOU FUNCTION?!  YOU WILL CALL ME SERGEANT, OR SERGEANT VEHRAE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!"

"S-SIR-, SERGEANT... YES SERGEANT!" He shouts back with a quivering voice.

"Eeeeexcelleeeeent, You're catching on quick, now! So, I am going to bestow upon you a RARE opportunity! I am going to disregard my plans to thoroughly dissect your frog ass for abnormalities and stitching you anew! WOULD YOU LIKE THAT PRIVATE!?"

"YES SERGEANT! T-THANK YOU SERGEANT!"

"Now I want you to double time it back to your cabin." You bark you command. "You are forbidden to leave your post until you have arrived at your designated stop! And you will do a fine job! DO YOU COMPREHEND ME!"

"Si- Sergeant, may I take my buddy with me-" Hugar attempts to negotiate with a trembling lip.

But you would have none of it. "YEEARREYOUAIDIIIOOOOT?! YOU NEVER MAKE TERMS WITH ME! WHEN I SAY 'JUMP', YOU JUMP! WHEN I SAY 'FIGHT', YOU FIGHT! WHEN I TELL YOU TO GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, THEN YOU WILL DO IT WITH THAT STUPID GRIN ON YOUR FACE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR ORDERS?!"

"YES, SERGEANT!"

"DIIIIISSMIIIIIISSED!"

With a sharp salute and a whimper, Hugar flees your cabin at full haste.

You feel the adrenaline rush leave your body with only exhaustion remaining.

A shallow breath follows as you plop back in your seat, thinking to yourself that it was all worth it.

Erik looks petrified and is trying to resist the urge to hold a laugh.

You assure him when you couldn't hide your grin and both of you started laughing.

"I nearly crapped myself!" Erik admits, still trembling.

"Heh... Looks like I completed my rite of passage." You say with a hoarse voice. The consequence of pushing your vocal cords to the limits.

"Uh, come again?" Erik looks curious.

You offer him a warm smile to remind him that he won't get the same treatment like his friend.

"You're not a real Non-Commissioned Officer until you gutted a private like a fish." You explain. "Seems I've just joined a club."

"W-well then..." Erik starts. "U-umm permission to order some drinks for your achievement then!"

You smile and nod. "Permission granted."

And perfect timing, too as the slide door opens.

You both see a professionally dressed lady with a cart casting a scowl at both of you.

"I'm going to have to ask you gentlemen to keep you voices down!" She growls.

You let out a nervous chuckle and rub the back of your head in embarrassment. "Ahaha... I’m so sorry ma’am. Won't happen again."

Her stark glare focuses on you but does not say anything.

"I'll have a refill of the same bottle please." You tell her rummaging your pockets for money. "And whatever he's having."

The lady does not say a word as she offers you another bottle of apple juice and Spencer a glass of some rich golden colored drink. No doubt that it's some type of top-notch brandy. You make a mental note to be more cautious about offering to pay for some else's drinks later on.

"A toast to a full-fledged NCO of the Motherland!" Erik raises his glass.

You respond with your glass clinking to his and rewarded your throat with a sip.

*

"Wait, that was you?!" Erik blurts out, almost like he could not believe what you just revealed to him.

The pink sky bruises into a faint purple signaling that evening is in its infancy. The lush view outside begins to show pockets of civilization with sturdy copper bass looking towns that look relatively unscathed. Signs of celebrations are present with stalls and games displayed on the streets, as the people rejoice that the war is over and that they won.

But after a few quick glances, you easily ignore them as your conversation with Erick is much more enjoyable.

"Yeeaaah... That was me..."

Erick lets out a quick chuckle of disbelief. "So... that custard sweet roll... that wasn't Kuersten's?"

You sheepishly affirm your deed with faint nod. "Yeah... that was mine... I thought hiding it in his footlocker would get Meimhanner off my ass!" You chuckle thinking back to basic training. "Didn't really go as planned

"No, you think!" Erick sounds more open and relaxed around you, as he grins at the memory. "Meimhanner was on ALL of our asses! Seriously, while I was punishing my arms and legs, Kiersten was eating that custard like a kid on holiday leave!"

"Hey, I was on the same boat as you!" You poorly defend yourself. "Besides, I saw that look on his face, and trust me, I think that moment ruined custards for him. With the rant our Instructor gave him, think he really did have it worse than us."

"Heh! When you put it like that, we did get off easy!" Erik raises his fourth glass before gulping half his drink down. "Way to take one for the team, Kiersten!"

You smirk and raise your glass. "To Kuersten."

Glasses clink in honor of the recruit you thought long forgotten. And to reunite with a fellow survivor from Master Sergeant Meimhanner wrath certainly brightened the mood as you two swap more misadventures back in training and on leave. But Erik imitating the grizzly instructor just left you short of breath from cackling. You must admit, Erik is fun to drink with.

No stories or reminiscing about the front though. No need to.

"Kuersten... wonder where he is now..." Spencer says somewhat solemnly.

"Knowing him, the Army put him on latrine duty for the rest of his career." You say lightheartedly, trying to maintain that merry mood. Though you can tell its a vain attempt as a lukewarm numbness returning.

"Yeah..." Erik doesn't sound convince and his expression darkens as he takes another swig. "Ahhhh... that's the stuff. Where's this been all my life?"

"First time?" You ask, not giving up on sustaining a good conversation.

"Ahhh naaaah..." The slur is faint in Erik’s voice. "One of the boys from my platoon told me this stuff does wonders for someone! And he knew how to make any boring situation exciting! You would have liked him! Everybody did, such an amazing guy."

You decide not to risk asking about the popular troublemaker and just gaze out back at the sky. Nighttime is now in its prime and you can see the a large lake beautifully reflecting the ethereal stars in the sky. You feel a sense of peace.

"Almost to Gierrochs." Erik mutters.

You turn to Erik. "You a local?"

He shakes his head. "Nah... just been here a few times. You pick up a landmark quick to let you know you're close. But... my sister is staying there, and... well I'm just lucky to be staying with her."

"I think she'd love to have you." You boldly claim.

He scoffs. "Yeah..." His brows furrow and you feel a chill in your bones. "What makes you so sure?"

"I-I mean... If I was-"

"Yeah, but you're not are you?!" He snaps.

You mouth drops slightly and you feel his words twisting into your chest.

Erik growls and attempts to finish the small remnants of liquid in his drink, but a rumble makes him spill it over his face. He growls and throws the glass at the door, shattering it into several pieces.

"Argh! Dammit!" He slams his fist to the side. "DAMMIT! Broke my fucking GLASS!"

You watch as abruptly rises from his seat, absent of his crutches, and attempt to stomp towards the door, probably to demand another glass and drink. But he staggers at his first step. Instinct kicks in as you spring from your seat and barely catch a falling Erik, carefully lowering his limp body to the floor.

"Easy... Just take it easy." You gently tell him, though you know those are unwelcome words.

Just then you hear the faintest gasp for breath as Erik jolts, alarming you. Two more gasps, quicker and louder are heard and you can small beads of water dripping onto the carpet floor before quickly being absorbed.

You purse your lips and keep your grip around Erik. You've seen this before, just a few times, but they all stood out. Each moment was different, as you recall your affected comrades wailing for different reasons, fear of dying, wanting to see love ones, or were just tired of all the fighting.

And you still have no idea what to do about this.

"Th-they're gone..." You can hear his croak. "I... I was there... at the front... but my m- mom... dad...I thought we had time… I thought we could reach them but… why wasn’t I fast enough?”

Your breath is caught in your throat, and you wouldn't dare breathe.

"We pushed them out! But when I searched for them in town..." The cracks grow. "I know I screwed up, okay?! I know I let everybody down when I couldn't reach them! And now... Aura hates me... I know she does..." The dam breaks. "I don't know if I can... I can't face her knowing I couldn't get our parents out..."

You clutch Erik close as you feel your heart tightening. You easily steel yourself, numbing those feelings that could risk you turning into

No words are offered to Erik as he just weeps on the ground, no reserve in is grief.

Your mind suddenly flees from the despair, desperate for any form of comfort. That's when you're blessed with the warm embrace of her. Even if she is a figment of your imagination, her wrapping her arms around you, her hands dancing in your ashen hair, her soothing whispers blessing your ears, she's your refuge in that moment.

Rozeli...

You are not initially aware of it at first, but several minutes pass and Erik calms himself. He didn't attempt to get up, nor did he offer any sort of gratitude, he just laid in your grip, not moving a single muscle.

Its only when you hear him muttering to himself is when you decide to whisper, "Shh... stay with me, pal. Focus.”

Nothing else is said after that. What else can you say to make this guy feel better after the can he just opened up?

Its only when the letter you hold in your possession falls to the floor beside your knee is when you come up with an idea.

It may not be the best one, but its your only shot right now.

"You know I'm kind of jealous." You start masquerading as some suave talker. "Someone waiting for you, even if they're planning on giving you an earful, makes me wish I had that someone like that waiting for me when I get there."

Erk sniffles and looks up at you puzzled. "W-what do you mean."

You let out a dry chuckle and help Erik back onto his seat. "Yeah, I'll let you in on a little secret, I've uh... I've actually got someone I fancy."

That's putting it mildly.

Erik sucks a bit of snot back into his nostrils as he dries his eyes with his rough surfaced sleeve. "Oh yeah? Girlfriend?"

"I mean..." You shrug. "I don't know maybe. I met her on leave at..." You bite your tongue recalling how you just met, and you proceed with feeling the heat in your cheeks. "Well, she certainly caught my eye."

Erik seems more invested now. This plan is going better than you hoped.

"When I got deployed, we sent letters frequently, but... I had a bad day and... well..." You let out an embarrassing chuckle as you scratch the back of your head. "I... kinda sent her a letter saying that things were too hard, and I just wanted to leave the army. Y'know, drama."

Erik is quiet for a moment, and you can feel the air growing heavy with suspense. Its only when the kid just starts laughing the feeling loosens up.

"C'mon! What made you think that's a good idea?!" He cackles.

You shine a toothy smile, but deep down this just confirms your fears that she truly does think less of you now.

"Well... least she sent me a letter. Haven't open it though." You continue not even giving Erik a chance to indirectly mock you more. "I mean I already know what the content is, 'Oh Laeo, you seem like a nice fella, but things are going a little too fast for that sort of thing. I'm sorry for any misunderstandings, but I hope we can still be friends after all this.' Somewhere along the lines like that."

Your poor imitation of a lady causes Erik to lose his composure and laugh without restraint. You take comfort that you're making the poor kid feel better.

"I mean, hey, I'm only 21-years-old, so there's plenty of fish in the sea!" You continue on like your some sort of comedian. "Just some lucky girl out there that's just aching to hear a perfect sob story. I mean, really! 'Oh, poor dearest Laeo, how tragic! Let me help you work off that stress of yours somewhere more... comfortable.'"

Again, more laughs. Has this kid ever heard jokes before? These are just things you're making up on the fly!

"And don't even get me started on hot springs!"

*

"Well... looks like this is our stop." Erik states as he gazes out at the station. A look a mild dread is present on him.

You gaze out and you can't blame him. It's not as big as the other one from much earlier, but the station is packed with people, many of them women and children as they wait for the train to empty itself of the soldiers their carrying. You gaze out to see if you can get a glimpse of her, wondering if she showed up. But you feel a soft hint of sadness and disappointment.

You're not holding your breath right now.

"Huh... place looks busier this time around." You say as you look beyond the crowds, beyond the station, and at the view of the city proper.

Although its dark to see the city proper, you can make out the small illuminations from the building windows and shimmering lampposts that lighted the bustling street outside the station.

Now that you're here, you feel uncertainty, unsure of whether this was the right call, and a small part of you now wishes you won't leave this train.

The sound of chatter outside your cabin and the sight of soldiers eagerly lining up to depart and some of the looks on their faces, see their love ones is what the desperately need.

You turn to see Erik, seeing him somewhat fearful of his reunion.

You act first and stand to your feet, offering him your hand.

He stares at it for a second and then takes it, steeling himself.

"Hey now... stiff upper lip." You pep him.

He nods, more determined now. "Yeah. I got this."

After a quick pat on his shoulder, you allow Erik to leave first and you're not far behind him.

With your duffle over your shoulder and your letter trapped in your hand, you patter your feet down the car as the line slowly moves up.

It takes a few minutes to take in a breath of fresh air, but you still cannot find an opening onto solid ground.

Thankfully you find and opening and quickly come to Erik’s aid by offering him a hand down.

"Thanks." He says.

You nod. "No problem."

"Soo... umm..." There is a deep pause coming from Erik. "Take care..."

"Same to you, pal." You offer your hand. "Same to you."

The two of you share a firm handshake and Erik begins to brave through the crowds.

You smile knowing that it takes him no time at all to see a girl with matching hair rushing towards him and wrapping his arms around him. And already you can see him breaking down while the girl, crying as well, is more composed and holds him close, whispering warm words that you couldn't make out.

You were right: Aura doesn't hate Erik at all.

"Hugar!"

The gleeful cry catches your attention as it sounds close. You turn in the direction thinking it may be her, but frown when you just see a young twin braided brunette woman embraces a familiar face.

You smile, feeling glad that Hugar has someone special waiting for him. After what you put the poor kid through, he deserves it.

Not all moments were full of glee as your peripheral vision locks on to another young woman with short blonde hair collapsing to her knees with an envelope clutching her heart while a guilt-ridden grunt and a dear friend crouch down with her. She tries to resist the urge to let the dam break, but her sobs can faintly be heard through the commotion.

Similar sights are seen with an older man bowing his head while holding his weeping wife close. Others, just look as they have their hopes dimmed.

One prominent example is a mesmerizing corn fed amber skinned woman with long glossy black hair gracefully braided that travels down to her lower back, and an anxious expression in her piercing coral eyes, frequently biting her garnet lip. Just then you notice something familiar about her. Is it nostalgia? That's the right word, is it?

Her black and golden open bustier emphasizes her unconventional beauty, displaying her cleavage that makes your glance the other way with a warm feeling in your cheeks. Very daring attire, but nothing scandalous with it.

You frown fearing that the person she's waiting for may not be on... that...

"What the...?"

You let out a gasp blending of shock and joy.

"Rozeli..." Your breath carries her name. "She actually showed up..."

You suck in the air, as you somehow feel unusually overpowered by something. Its almost enough for you to... why are you feeling strangely jittery?

You steel yourself as best you could and begin approaching her, each step faster than the last until you freeze when her peering eyes stop on you.

Her body language and gape mouth cause her to let out a gasp of air and she slowly brings a trembling hand to her chest. Her chest rises and falls as she takes in several shallow breaths and you can see her teeth softly connecting. It's a sight that is making you feel those awkward emotions that you're having a difficult time containing.

But you cannot stop your eyes from fogging up and you can no longer have a clear visualization of the woman that brought you to Gierrochs. You can still make out her abruptly marching towards you, with purpose you might add. Its only when she closes that distance you can hear the sharp clicking of her knee-high boots and steaming growls within her breathing.

You finally force yourself to blink, clearing your vision at the exact moment you hear a sharp clapping sound piercing your ear and a stinging burn across your cheek. You immediately react by planting your hand on your cheek and look to see a sight that was rather frightening: sharp breathing through clench teeth, furrow brows towering eyes of raw fury, and the retraction of her arm after smiting your face with the palm of her hand.

"You better have a damn good explanation, buster!" Rozeli dangerously snaps, her slight scratchy voice sounding unusually somewhat gravelly due the dangerous rage that's bordering onto feral.

Again, she leaves you petrified. Out of all the possible scenarios of a reunions you could imagine, cheerful or gloomy, this one is certainly not one you imagine.

"Come on!" She growls roughly grabbing you by your wrist and started dragging out out of station with titan strength.

You have to pick up your pace to make sure that Rozeli does not literally drag you to wherever she's taking you. You glance back, amazed that you two managed to get a great deal of distance between you and the station.

Rozeli forces you along what looks like the main plaza of Gierrochs, and you bear witness to the silhouettes bizarre structures of wood, brass and copper made visible by the soothing aqua orbs within the lamplights. All while festivities infest the streets with stalls and games to sustain them. There would have been a strong chance that you and Rozeli would catch up while enjoying the festival if you had not provoked her.

That just leaves one question: What did you do this time?

You had a feeling that letter you were embarrassed to send her would be a mood killer, but not enough to make her angry. That is, she took offense to it by heart. Maybe it's because you didn't write to her that much as you used to and caused her to worry. That's more plausible, but then again, the expedition against Junuil didn't leave you with many options to write back.

Maybe... no... no she can't know. I mean, that sort of information is confidential. Right?

With a rough huff, Rozeli hurls you against the railings separating you from the ocean, as if she has the intention of throwing you into it. Seeing that frightening look on her face, she's just waiting for the perfect chance to do so.

There is silence between the two of you, you frozen and frankly a little terrified with a cold sweat. And her, just gazing at you with that hard fuming glare that you can't help but feel is growing. But there is something else in her eyes, it's like she's studying you.

This just makes this all the more frightening.

"Roll up your sleeves." Rozeli instructs calmly, but you can hear the storm brewing within her voice.

"Uhh... what...?"

"You think I haven't been keeping tabs on you?!" She seethes. "A friend of mine told me what he saw, and I want to see it for myself. Roll them up! I'm not going to tell you again!"

You open your mouth to try and protest but seeing those daggers in her eyes suppresses any words you would have summoned. Backed into a corner, you hang your head in defeat and hesitantly obeyed, slowly rolling up your sleeves.

You can see the lacerations along your arms, some of them not fully healed but not bleeding as well. And she sees them as well and knows that this was your doing. When you dare to face Rozeli again, her expression remains relatively calm, but still even more chilling.

"Tell me..." She starts in a low voice that's slightly quivering. "Why you did it."

But she doesn't even give you a chance to speak. "If you lie to me even once, I will throw you over into that freezing water, and don't you think I won't!"

Her merciless words are already tearing into your chest. Should you be surprised? You always have a habit of messing things up with people.

"And don't give me the excuse of 'I don't know why' or any cock and bull.” She jabs her finger at you. "You know perfectly well why... you did... what you did..." Her stark visage softens. "So... please... tell me..." Her voice is now bordering on a whisper.

Your body locks as you try to maintain your collapsing composure. Rozeli was able to read you like a book, and deep down, you think she already knows the reason. She just wants to hear it from you.

"Laeo..." Her quiet whisper pleads for you answer.

Your throat tightens and your eyes sting leaving you temporarily incapable of speaking. With what resolve you have left, you muster the will to answer her and when you summon the courage to face her, Rozeli stares unleashes a volley raw powerful emotions upon you long forgotten.

Crush your emotions and carry out your objectives with a little guidance and the rude awakening of combat, it was easy to master. But now with the war over and you no longer needed to fight, how can you hold out against what Rozeli has unleashed upon you.

You begin speaking from your heart. "What was I supposed to do?" You start quietly. "We… I mean we held…” It becomes hard to speak with your throat locking on you. “We held the line, we kept our country safe and... I'll be leaving the service. And I know... it's strange but..." You plead she can at least understand. "Being on the frontlines, kind of kept my sanity, I guess. I mean... it was scary, but least we've been kept busy to let the fear sink in, right?"

That's only half true. For you it worked. Barely. But for others...

"I didn't have to worry about... you know... those things all that much, because... I guess I didn't have the luxury to think those things." Your voice begins to crack. "So, when I was in that hospital, with nothing to do... I guess... it just crept in. Ahem... at first, I thought it was stupid and maybe I just needed to relax or something. But... then it... phew..." Your breath shivers on the exhale. "There was just so much dirt on my… I thought that I…”

Your will fizzles out as the memories, the fear, the sheer idiocy, petrifies you, but Rozeli, with the tears running free and a clutched fist over her heart, allows those squashed feelings to flood out, threatening to drown you.

"I... shit what's wrong with me...?"

A fist rests over your head as you weep quietly but without reserve. You can feel your body being wrecked by the tremors within you as you are powerless to turn back the demons that have been plaguing you for so long.

After permitting the torment to run rampant for a while, you're able to calm yourself somewhat and you vaguely become aware of fingers tenderly wrapped around your hand, trapping you in another.

The gesture, simple, yet feels so powerful as it soothes your heart. When your eyes open and witness Rozeli, you find the frightening aura she possessed is gone, only finding her looking somber, but strangely relieved.

"You never read the letter I sent you." Rozeli’s low murmur wasn't a question, nor was it an accusation, merely her stating a undeniable fact.

You shamefully nod you head.

"Why?" Her question comes with her grip tightening, gently assuring you that you can tell her.

Your exhale is long and heavy before you shamefully admit, "Because I was scared I..." You struggle to form a coherent sentence. "I thought you thought less of me after what I told you."

There. You said it. Now she knows.

Even if it's true, at least you got it off your chest, rewarding you with a small measure of relief.

Rozeli says nothing, but keeps you locked with her piercing look.

You gulp silently, anxiously awaiting her response.

Her body rises and falls as she silently sucks in and releases a breath before gently capturing your other hand with her own. Your eyes dart down and watch Rozeli’s finger circle and dance around. The gesture plants the thought of dancers skating across a frozen lake. You watch as her fingers flutter around in your palms until her soft voice brushes against your ears.

"Rozeli,

I don't know how much longer I can do this...

There's so much whistling, hissing, ringing that I just want it to stop! 

Everything is dead. The sky, the dirt, and even people!

And those who are alive, their either dolls just waiting for the next order or just rambling animals. Their unpredictable and dangerous!

And the dirt and mud, no matter how hard I try it’s always sticking to me, trying to get into my eyes and… I have to keep my mask so nothing gets on me.

Order is kept by our commanders. Giving us order and orders. No matter how mundane or dangerous they are. I’m grateful for them as they keep me occupied. As long as they don't send us over.

And I'm scared what will happen if they have none to give!

I need to write this while what remains of my soul is still with me: meeting you is truly the most treasured memory I can keep. Please, whatever happens, keep these memories alive and I just hope that they are just as precious to you as they are to me.

With every fiber of my being.

Laeo

Your ears record Rozeli’s low cracking voice as she recited that humiliating letter you sent her. But to it echo off of her tongue, there is nothing embarrassing about it, nothing shameful is felt. Instead, what you felt was the agony, the fear, clinging onto desperate hope, things that you felt in that very moment all reappearing in an instant.

The grip on your hands tightens. "Words are messy, a lot of times they don't even fully tell what full story. And more recently, people twist them to deflect and deny, pushing away others whether they mean to or not." Her soft voice hangs in the air. "But that letter, as... hard as it was to read it… it did my heart well to know that… nothing was hidden.”

Your eyes shoot up slightly having a feeling Rozeli is sensing how you feel.

"I lost how many times I read and reread what you sent me.” A bitter chuckle follows. “As for me, from the gossip of prigs boasting about loved ones extinguishing life like it's a sport, the flashy parades, and even the jubilant masquerade at the at the station, all of it felt nothing more than a callous satire. And I wanted no part in it!” Her fiery voice softens before continuing. “And neither I wanted you being forced to put on that act. It's tormented you for long enough.”

You let out weary chuckle sprinkling of relief. "Honestly, I was worried that I would get the usual 'Oh, darling, I'm so happy you're home safe and sound! I just want to have you all to myself right now!'"

You interpretation of Rozeli makes hers truly cast a raised brow at you.

You quickly get flustered. "No! N-no! I didn't mean like that!" You stammered truthfully. "What I'm trying to say is-"

"I know." Rozeli spares you the potential embarrassment. She truly can read you.

"So... I guess what I'm trying to say is..." You curve a small grin and truthfully say, "Thanks for slapping me across the face."

Rozeli’s gasps initially surprised by your choice of words but hums and flashes a warm smile that you so desperately missed, knowing exactly what you are talking about.

"Laeo," She starts, her soft voice soothes you along with her hands grasping yours. "Read it. Read the letter I sent you."

You blink, recalling the crumpled letter you clench in your hand.

With a curt nod, you allow your bag to plop to the floor, the faint sound your equipment clanking inside is heard while you carefully try to open the letter. Eventually you give up half way through and rip the envelope only to gently fish out the letter that you dreaded to read, but gave you hope.

Upon reading through the first quarter of the body, your eyes grow warm again as droplets of water stain the paper.

"Wow... I..." You cannot speak.

Then a small sharp-edged paper slips from the letter and onto the floor, Rozeli notices it but you're quick to retrieve it and what you see causes your legs to buckle.

"I'm sorry..." You choke out weakly. "Why am I... such a freaking idiot... jumping to conclusions? All this time, I was scared about what you would think of me... that you would think less of me..." Your smile quivers as you suck in a quick breath. "But you... you saved me! Oh my god, you saved me, Rozeli!"

"...!"

Without warning, Rozeli lunges forward and snakes her arms around your neck, pulling you in as you immediately bury your face into her shoulder. A hand frantically grips a portion of her silky hair as your sobs become stronger. You feel Rozeli’s fingers digging into your skull as quick and shallow breaths brush against your ear, not daring to release you from her grasp.

The two of you stay like this for what feels like an eternity until you break the silence with words that you wanted to tell her for so long.

"I love you... with every... fiber... of my being." Your whisper is heavy and shaky but true and without reserve.

"I know..." Hers is faint but loving. "I love you... Laeo... my darling." A sob wrecks her before continuing. "I love you so much..."

Darling. Such a cheesy title feels so wonderful. Along with those three little words...

Yeah, you're an idiot, but you're her idiot.

*

Laeo,

I got your letter not too long ago. By the time I finished reading it, my heart nearly stopped. It took me a moment to realize that I was reading your letter and not a page out of those books with that dreadful Amorkraphian atmosphere.

For me to accept what I have read as reality was something I refused to believe. But deep down, I knew that I was only deluding myself of what I have been told

Sweet boy… I am so sorry. I should have known. I should have never let you board that damn train!

And my heart cannot help but ache of you suffocating. From the barren wastes, to those old men puppeteering their dolls, to even those you are supposed to trust. The heartache and fury within me is in full bloom knowing this world threatens to strangle ever ounce of life out of you.

But even with the vast distance between us, I refuse to let this happen!

So, remember this, my darling: in your darkest hour, hold this letter close your heart, let my voice chase away all the fears and horrors haunting you, and allow me to be your oasis in the wasteland you are trudging through.

The fella who took my portrait complained about me not having the prim and proper etiquette, but he knows that it was hopeless to argue with me. Just don't forget to give it a kiss every now and then.

Stay strong just while longer, My Sweet Boy. Until the day you return into my arms, I’ll see you in your dreams.

I love you now and forever.

Rozeli