Contagious Psyche

"What the heck are you doing!?"

It was just the morning hours, when he just woke up to see her, sitting on top of the bed beside him, trying to cut her hand.

"Nothing. Just trying to see if I can feel or not."

"Look at your hand! It's bleeding! Is harming yourself the first thing that comes to your mind in the morning?!"

It might come as a shock to many, but it was normal for him. Every day, she does the same thing, tries to cut her hand, but gets saved by him. She was suicidal. Her suicidal mood comes at random times. For a few days, she was having suicidal thoughts in the morning.

Grabbing a band-aid from the bedside drawer, he gently put it in her hand, after applying disinfectant spray. But no reaction was seen from her. As if she was dead inside. A hollow, human being with no heart.

"Hey, how does it feel to have pain sensitivity? Can I ever feel them?"

"Trust me, you don't wanna feel them. I don't want you to die."

"What is pain actually?"

"You will understand it someday."

She has a rare condition, named as Congenital insensitivity to pain and anhydrosis, or CIPA for short. In easy words, she cannot feel physical pain.

"Hey, why are you dead set to feel pain? Isn't love enough for you?"

"People say that those who don't feel pain don't understand true love. It makes my heart shatter like a fragile glass. Sometimes, I feel like I am being spoiled by you. I feel like I am just accepting the fact that you love me without ever giving you anything in return."

He gently hugged her. At that moment, all her thoughts went away like vapor. Her mind was cleansed by him just by a simple hug.

"You are here, with me. You will be here with me. That's enough for me. You don't need to do anything extra."

Her mood cheered up in an instant. Her eyes took notice of the clock. It was 8 am.

"Honey, it's 8 am. You better hurry. You are gonna be late for office."

"Ehh? But I wanna hug you more."

"Hehe. But you can do it another time."

"You happy? No more suicidal thoughts?"

"Yep. No more suicidal thoughts. Thank you."

She helped him prepare as he hurried to get ready and go to the office. She prepared breakfast and lunch and packed those in the box.

"Well then. I'm going to the office."

"Have a safe trip."

"Don't be suicidal before I come, okay? Text me if you need help."

"Well... if you bring me some ice cream... I just might consider..."

"Well, I guess there is no helping it."

As he was going to go out, he was stopped by her, who gave him a goodbye kiss before going and locking the door. He just stood there, comprehending what had just happened.

"I-it is the payment for t-the ice c-cream. Y-you better bring it, okay?", said she, peeking at the door, all embarrassed.

At work, he was caught off guard by one of his male colleagues.

"Wow, man. Someone's embarrassed because of a goodbye kiss, I see."

"Eh?! You saw?"

"Man. Newlywed life sure is amazing... good for you."

"B-but how did you see?"

"I live a few blocks behind you, idiot."

Now, he was more embarrassed about it than when he got the kiss.

A few hours later, his shift was finally over. He was relieved and tired at the same time. As he stretched his back, he got a message from her.

"You better come home with ice cream."

"I promised you to bring your ice cream. I won't back up on my promise."

"Yay."

Even just three chats with her were enough to make him happy. He leaned back, as he remembered the time when they first met...

It was a fuzzy memory, but he knew that she was bullied in her childhood for her rare condition. She was deemed "overprotective" by her classmates. But the opposite was with him. He somehow started to 'like' her. That 'like' slowly turned into 'love' as they progressed from childhood, adolescence, and youth. In other words, she was his childhood friend.

"Uhh... which ice cream flavor should I take?", said he, looking at the ice cream area of the supermarket.

"The strawberry flavor seems unique. Maybe we should try those. It might become her favorite."

He went to his house, happily carrying the strawberry ice cream in his hand. As he unlocked the door, he was hit by shock...

She was nowhere to be seen...

"Honey? I'm home?"

"Honey?..."

His heart almost stopped beating. Did the unthinkable happen? Did she really... end herself?

"No... this can't be happening... this can't be true-"

His doubts were removed as he rushed to the balcony, the only place he didn't check. But with it came a wave of emotions.

She was sitting on the railing, stargazing at night when she noticed him gasping for air and almost bursting into tears. But she couldn't understand why. Before she could understand, she was welcomed by a tight hug.

"... I almost thought I lost you. I-I almost thought you ended yourself."

She could understand the situation a little bit. As he was hugging her, she patted his head, to calm him down.

"Didn't I say I won't end myself? I keep my promises too."

"Sorry. I was doubtful."

"Well, I guess falling from here will get me killed."

"Again with your suicidal thoughts?"

"I don't know why. But sometimes... I just want to end myself without any reason. But at that moment, your face comes to mind. I guess you are my only reason to live."

"Don't say that, please. And your ice cream is gonna melt."

"Oh! Ice cream! I almost forgot about that."

They went to the kitchen, leaving behind the beautiful full moon that could be seen from the balcony. The dim light was enough to keep everything visible to the naked eye. But that dim light wasn't enough to heat the atmosphere. It was a cold and chilly night.

"Eat up and be happy. Don't be suicidal."

She looked at him innocently, with a spoon in her mouth, as she gulped down the ice cream.

"Okay.", she mumbled.

He just feasted his eyes as she feasted on the ice cream.

"You want some?", she said, when she had eye contact with him.

"You want to share? Aren't ice cream your favorite?"

"I don't mind."

"Well then-"

They were living their lives as usual, when something unexpected happened that changed their lives...

It was an earthquake. Living on the fifth floor of the apartment, there was nowhere for them to escape. In the blink of a moment, the roof above them collapsed, causing a huge pile of debris to fall over them.

Without any thinking, he jumped in and hugged her tightly, saving her from the falling debris, sacrificing himself in the process...

...

He died... for me...

He died... saving me...

Why?

Even if I can never feel pain, even if I didn't have receptors, that was the first time I ever felt true pain in my life. That was the first time I had ever shed a tear of pain. A pain deep inside my heart. Physical pain might not affect me, but the pain of the heart hurts very much...

Why did you have to protect someone like me? Someone who always brings you hardships? How can you be so patient and calm while dealing with my emotions?

Why?

I see. So this is real depression.

I don't want to get saved. I don't want to live. I have lost all hope in life. He was my life, while I became his death...

I am sorry for all that I did to you. I am sorry for trying to end myself. I wanted your attention... I wanted to be spoiled.

Please... please... please... please wake up... please wake up.

He didn't wake up.

Seeing my fate ending up like this, I hugged him for the last time, in return for all that he had done for me, as I awaited the same fate...

As I waited for death to approach me...