I Hate Sunlight

It was already dark when I woke up, alone in my room as usual.

I am unsure of how long I’ve been out, but this was a long nap.

Unlike during summer when I would usually wake up drenched with sweat, I was relatively cool and dry.

But the feeling of coolness and dryness did not just seem external to me.

Even from the inside, I felt somewhat airy…

Empty and hollow even.

Like having an open cavity that air can freely pass through, I felt like I was an object with a massive hole in it.

Not to be taken literally, of course.

But it does just give that weird vibe that nothing is there, not even after a warm meal.

It is truly a weird feeling to be depressed.

In most times, you do not feel well.

Sometimes, you know why.

But then, there are also those times when you simply do not.

Even when you are seemingly not feeling unwell, the bliss is just temporary… fleeting.

Or maybe I was just numb to be feeling anything at the time?

I honestly do not know…

However, to say that the overall general sensation of it is weird is but an understatement.

To me, it is more akin to being on a roller coaster ride while having a major fear of speed and heights.

Why even bother being in that situation knowing your own cause of dread?!

There is no point in putting a word into it, but it is simply just that bad in general.

It has been several years already since I have been living like a zombie.

Looking alive but seemingly dead inside, I went by in life without any sense of meaning.

Day and night did not seem much different to me anymore.

It is simply just the day going on with so much light and then not much later until the cycle continues the next day… and the next day after that.

It is just an endless cycle.

Well, I can hardly see the difference anymore, I have been living in the dark for far too long than I intended.

At times, I cannot even believe it myself.

Like, one day I am being punished with the burden of simply living, and then the next, I am feeling completely fine—or so I think.

However, I was not always the loser I think I am now.

Before this, I was your typical kid—curious about many things and always finding delight in new things.

Heck, by the time my friends were already pursuing the next stage in life, I was still at the point where I was enjoying my inner childhood.

Like any other adult who is a kid at heart, fancy toys and video games were my favorite interests and hobbies at the time.

Maybe, it is because I never really got to indulge in these things as a child.

That is not to say that I never had the pleasure of experiencing them—but if I were to measure it, the extent had been largely limited and wanting.

And, oh, I love food, too—always looking to find the next big bite that my limited budget allows!

But as I got past puberty, my interest shifted to something else—naturally, seeing beautiful girls, and probably getting into a relationship with one.

I knew I had reached a different stage in my life when I encountered that realization.

As if having gone through a rite of passage in life, I was then a different man—yet, also, the same.

Let us just say that my plate is fuller now than it used to be, and it consists of more than just things that entertain me.

How a seemingly normal boy turned into something that is alive yet also dead may seem like a big mystery to anyone…

But it is all because of one girl I met one fateful night that has become the turning point of my life… for better or for worse.

I have been engaging myself in my hobbies a lot over the past few weeks.

Feeling liberated at the fact that I now lived by myself and was able to sustain it because of a good-paying job, I was quite literally having the time of my life.

I have never felt more fulfilled and contented in my life than being able to do the things I want and not have to worry about what life will bring tomorrow.

I was, at that moment, self-sustained.

For a while, I thought that was the case…

But sometimes, life can get an expected turn that seems to drag you into it, which you can do nothing about.

In my case, it was meeting a beautiful woman who would be the first to make my heart quite literally skip a beat… and embarrassingly, my knees tremble.

I think I just saw something I should not…

Like a prey in front of his predator, I felt helpless and weak by the fact that I was face-to-face with a real-life, blood-sucking vampire…

But not just that kind of vampire—rather, a real pretty, real-life, blood-sucking vampire that was actually sucking the life out of someone in one lit corner of the street at that.

I wish I was just having a delusion… or if I was asleep, I wish was just having a nightmare.

One where I would just suddenly wake up after every frightful thing that could have happened in that scenario is done.

Yet, no, everything felt way too real.

At least, the fright that comes with knowing that I was probably already in my very last minute is.

I feel like the world was collapsing on me knowing that I may be breathing my last…

And the reality of that seemed to grow closer still as I saw my potential killer inches in on me.

I resigned to the possibility of dying then and there…

I even closed my eyes in fear, slowly embracing the idea of death itself…

And it only gets cold feeling the wind gushing through my body that is already leaking and soaking with sweat…

And then, one strange thing happened… there was nothing.

I opened my eyes only to see myself in the same spot that I thought would be the place of my death… but not dead at all, rather completely alive, with my heart wildly pounding.

But I was neither hallucinating as I still see the hapless victim devoid of life on that one corner of the street nor I was having a nightmare because I was still on the street, fully awake by the events.

Ironically, this was not really what messed me up…

What did was the idea of falling for someone I knew I should not—I fell in love with a killing vampire.

Did you ever have that feeling where you know something is wrong but also feel like something is right with it?

Yeah, that was exactly how I felt when I acknowledged the fact that I desired a vampire in my life.

And I was not putting that statement any lightly.

But this is not the kind of sensation you get for adopting a strange pet, even knowing the risks that come with it.

If anything, this is that very same feeling you get when you meet that special someone whom you thought could be your other half.

I do not know how long a vampire in real life truly lives, or if they even die at all.

But whatever the case may be, this is one sucker I want to spend my eternity with.

Is this love at first sight?

Maybe.

However, our initial encounter was far from our only meeting.

After that event, I may have probably seen her take out the lives of numerous more of her victims…

Not for sport like a bloodlust killer would, but one who seems to do so to survive.

To me, she is not any different from a wild animal who preys on smaller and weaker animals in order to continue living, like a cougar would.

It is completely instinctive and natural.

And each time, I would survive the ordeal.

I do not know exactly what she saw in me for leaving me relatively unharmed every single time that happened.

Yet, part of me was always relieved that those gruesome things did not happen to me.

But do you know what the real kicker is?

It’s her smile—it is what got me...

And probably what had caused me to finally be bitten.

Nowadays, I seem to be hating the sunlight.

And recently, I also have been seeing something truly beautiful from afar—and it is actually someone rather than something.

The funny thing, though, is that she only appears during the daytime like anyone else would…

But, man, that sucks…