Temptress of Thanatos

“Goodbye.”

It is such a simple yet deep word. It is used every day. A word passed on between strangers, from friends to friends, from lovers to lovers. It is almost innocuous in its mundanity. Yet it holds different meanings depending on the context.

‘Goodbye, until next time.’

‘Goodbye, for now.’

‘Goodbye, may we cross paths again.’

In this case, the singular word that popped up on his phone could only hold one meaning from her.

His breaths come out short as he sprints up the set of stairs that lead to the roof of the apartment building. Each breath sucks in the hot muggy air. Sweat drips down his back, making his shirt stick to his body uncomfortably. Yet he doesn’t stop. He keeps running up the stairs with one hand gripping the railing to prevent an untimely slip. But he doesn’t need to, as his feet do not falter as he climbs each step.

It is almost strange how his feet know exactly where to take him. There is not even a brief moment of wonder how his steps are the same each time.

This will be the fourth time he has stopped her from jumping to her death. It is almost a repeat of their first meeting, where he had come up to the roof and found her there, attempting to jump off.

He had stopped her that time too.

Maybe it was a prediction of their future.

It is said that there are two types of people.

The ones who are ruled by the desire for life - Eros

And those who are ruled by the desire for death- Thanatos.

While the rest of the world is ruled by Eros, she is firmly in Thanatos’ embrace. That rung true even before they started dating. He knew that if he pursued her, he would have to fight with Thanatos to prevent her from being taken away.

In a way, he takes every message sent to him as a call for help. As if she is asking him to fight Thanatos for her and take her away from his embrace.

Bang-!

The door hits the wall as he slams it open. The hinges shake from the force, trembling under the many times he had abused it in his frantic chase to save her. He hopes that it breaks this time.

“Haah… Haa…”

He sees her, an image that is burned inside his mind and overlapping the many times he had seen her in the same position.

Standing behind the railing, her back facing him, and her dress and hair blowing with the wind.

“Wait!” He calls, jumping over the railing just like the many times before. He grips the railing with one hand to anchor himself before he takes her hand.

Compared to the muggy air, her hand is freezing to the touch.

“Let go of me.”

Her soft melodic voice is devoid of emotion, like the many times he had found her like this.

“Never.”

He tightens his grip. His hot hand must be burning her chilled skin.

“Why do you always do this?!” he demands- pleads for an answer.

“Because the God of Death is calling me,” She says in a soft voice, staring at the night sky with void-like eyes. Hopeless eyes with only a singular star that represents her desire to seek death.

His heart aches and he clenches his jaw. “There is no God of Death!”

“Why don’t you understand…!” Her voice comes out choked, sounding close to tears.

He grits his teeth.

It’s always like this.

It is as if Thanatos has completely ensnared her.

He comes in the form of the most desirable thing to his victims. To her, whenever she gazes at the God of Death, she is gazing at the form of her dearest love. Whenever she gazes into the distance, even when there is nothing to see, he knows that she is gazing at Thanatos.

Her heart is completely enraptured by him.

“Look at me.”

“No!”

“Look at me!”

Do not look at him. Do not be entrapped by him.

Unconsciously, he tightens his grip.

“Ow!”

He loosens his grip. “I’m sorry.”

He grimaces as she refuses to look at him. Her gaze is locked on the darkness of the sky, staring at the God that has ensnared her heart.

“Why?” he asks with a trembling voice.

Why does he feel like he is losing to Thanatos?

He cannot lose her to the God of Death. Not when she is the angel in his life. The only bright light in the unending void that surrounds him.

If he loses her-

“I’m tired,” She says.

‘I’m tired too,’ He wants to say. ‘But I’m here.’

“It’s difficult,” She says.

‘Everything is difficult,’ He thinks to himself. ‘But I’m here.’

“I want to die,” She says.

An ugly feeling rises inside of him, the pressure that had been kept at bay for who knows how long finally bursts.

“I want to die too!”

She stills. Then she turns her head.

Their eyes meet and he can see the void that overtakes her eyes. But he can also see the void that overtakes his own eyes.

For a moment, they just stare at each other.

“Then?”

He blinks.

That pressure that had been unknowingly building up inside of him releases, making him feel like he had taken a fresh breath of air.

She smiles at him. A beautiful, enchanting smile. Her void-like eyes started to fill with stars.

“You mean…?” His heart is beating wildly inside his chest. “Is that why…?”

“Do you finally understand?” She reaches her hand to him and places it on his, the one holding onto the railing that anchors them to the world.

Her hand feels warm.

“...”

He had always thought he needed to be strong. Strong enough to handle the God who is trying to take her from him.

It never crossed his mind that he was not fighting Thanatos, but actively being pursued by him, through her. She is his muse. His temptress.

And he is irreversibly entranced by her.

He smiles and removes his hand from the railing to slide it into her hand. Their fingers intertwine as they stand face to face.

“Then shall we?”

“Let’s.”

They don’t have any attachment to the world that has become too difficult for them.

So they let go.

And they step, hand in hand, into the night sky.