Blood On Our Hands

Raz rubbed his forehead, trying to will the pounding behind it away. It seemed as though his head constantly hurt these days. He glanced at the sun in the sky, figuring out how many hours until night would fall when the screaming and fighting would turn to tears, and he could finally get some rest.

Ren had been gone for over a year and the girl only seemed to get angrier and angrier as the days went by. The boy had vowed to return in five years.

The man wasn’t sure if he could last another day.

He looked at the girl as she furiously scrubbed at her arms in the frigid water of the creek, a sticky, orange goo covering her from head to toe. After spending all morning looking for her, the man had given up only to find she’d returned home before he did. “You need to stop this shit.” He was trying to stay calm all while wanting to throttle the demon, to scream in her face the way she had done to him time and time again. To stop being the adult, and to start acting like the child. “You’re going to get yourself killed one of these days.”

“Good!” she spat, refusing to look at him. “Then you really won’t have to worry about anyone but yourself!”

Raz found it easier to ignore her cruelty. “What did you kill this time? You went up in the mountains again, didn’t you? How high did you go?”

“What does it fucking matter?”

This had become their normal routine. The first couple of weeks after Ren’s departure had been relatively quiet, Sakura confining herself to under the covers of his bed for the majority of the time, only removing herself when absolutely necessary.

Then came the anger and the disappearing for hours every day before showing back up a complete mess. She spent her days fighting with her fists and her nights fighting with her words until crawling into bed and repeating it again the next day.

There was no end in sight.

And Raz was so tired.

“Because you’re a fifteen-year-old girl who has no business running around those mountains killing pests,” he growled. “You’re making shit choices and making everyone else pay for them.”

“Well, that makes two of us then,” she snarled.

“I didn’t send him away.” The man didn’t even know why he argued. “It’s not…”

“Yes, you did!” Sakura screamed as her head whipped towards him, fangs bared and emeralds blazing. “You could have stopped him, but you didn’t! You told him to go and kill a devil!”

“And he will.”

“No, he won’t!”

“He will!” Raz roared, unable to hold back any longer. “If I can kill two then he can kill one!” He knew that his nephew had the ability to do so. It would just take time, patience, and sooner or later one would come along. Just like they had for him.

“He’s not you!” She had begun to cry, frantically wiping at the tears she didn’t want to fall. “He’s going to die! All because of you!”

He knew that possibility all too well and that his lack of foresight had put them all in this situation. He should have known better, done more to ensure the safety of his sister’s child, but there was nothing he could do now other than have the same argument again. “He’s coming back!”

“No, he’s not!” The girl got quiet. “I hate it here.”

Raz understood. He hated it here, too, and the constant reminder that the boy was gone with no guarantee that he’d ever return. “Then go back to your den, girl.” The words left his mouth before he had even thought them. His eye widened as he looked at the equally wide-eyed girl.

He hadn’t meant it. That was the last thing he ever wanted. Just the thought of losing her, another one of his children, was unbearable. It didn’t matter what she said or did, if she screamed or broke every plate or got into fist fights in the village, she was his little girl since the first time she looked up at him with her empty emerald eyes.

Those same eyes that were now full, drowning in betrayal.

He had fucked up again.

Raz moved towards the girl, reaching out to her, knowing it was already too late. The damage had been done. “Sakura. Please…”

“I hate you. I wish I never came here,” she whispered, and she was to the tree line and gone before the man could even try to stop her.

He looked at the sky and groaned in defeat. It wouldn’t be like this if Ren were here. He would know how to handle her. What to say to make things right. Raz was never so lucky in that regard. The boy was the complete opposite of them while he and the girl were too similar for their own good.

Too stubborn.

Too consumed with anger and hate.

The man turned towards the cottage. There was still daylight, but he’d probably be searching for the girl all night and he’d be lucky to find her. He should probably go to the village and splurge on something sweet.

She would like that.

Sakura did the only thing she truly knew how to do.

She ran.

She crashed through the trees, her legs pumping, her lungs burning, and she ran from everything she couldn’t control.

Just like she always did.

She could control her speed, her direction, the way she moved her arms. She could control how far she went, and she could control when she stopped.

But she couldn’t control the way her body slowed down and came to a cautious walk as the familiar scent entered her nose.

Rotting flesh.

It was similar to Raz.

But it wasn’t him.

She could hear the footsteps making their way up the path that few traveled, the way the fabric of his pants rubbed together, his breath.

And then she saw him as he made his way up the path. Tall with straight, golden hair in a low ponytail halfway down his back, eyes like the sky, and so very handsome.

He was an angel.

But he had no wings.

And he smiled kindly at her.

“Good afternoon.” His voice was friendly as he came closer to the demon. “Do you happen to know if someone named Raziel lives up here?”

Raz?

Why did he want Raz?

Sakura kept her head lowered, her eyes peeking up at the angel. He was in plain clothes. He wasn’t in Guard uniform.

He wasn’t there about Ren.

Ren was still alive.

For now.

“Who’s asking?” The girl looked at him wearily.

His blue eyes were so gentle, almost soothing. “An old friend. I’ve really been looking forward to seeing him. It’s been a long time, and I finally got the opportunity to visit.”

Sakura hesitated before walking past. “Yeah. He’s up there. Just follow the path and you’ll find him.” And she was running again before he could utter his gratitude.

She pushed the man from her mind and the uneasiness that sank like a stone in her stomach along with it. He was polite and seemed normal enough. She knew Raz wasn’t the only exiled angel on the land. There was a lot she didn’t know about the man and who his friends were was one of those things.

It would be fine.

But the man’s scent lingered.

Rotten flesh.

And misery.

Exactly like the man who raised her.

The girl ran through the village and to the river that she then followed downstream before throwing herself into the water and scrubbing herself clean. How she loved to kill pests, but she always created such a mess no matter how hard she tried to pull back. She would have to get better.

Raz wouldn’t like it.

But she’d do it anyways.

The fox exited the water and lay on the bank, closing her eyes as the sun warmed her wet body, drying her blue dress and shorts. When she opened them again, the sun had made it across the sky, the last rays of light threatening to dwindle away.

She considered staying.

She was still mad at Raz.

But she was angrier at herself.

Getting to her feet, the girl picked up a stone and hurled it into the river. She picked up another one and another one and another one, sending each one as far as she could, until her arm was exhausted and limp.

She screamed until her throat felt raw and dry.

And then she slowly walked back home.

She would apologize for saying all the things she didn’t mean.

And so would he.

But there was so much blood.

“Raz?”

The angel looked up at the demon, his body sitting against the closed door of the cottage, his bag laying undisturbed close by. Eye so blue, so dull. “The coward didn’t even have the decency to finish the job.” He smiled weakly. “But I suppose I deserve that much.”

Sakura fell to her knees, covering the hole in the man’s chest with one hand, wiping the blood from his mouth with the other, her tears landing in his lap. “That man, he did this?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Raz reached up and tugged at her ear weakly. “It has nothing to do with you. Mind your own damn business. You hear me?”

She did, but she wasn’t listening. “Raz… we have to… I can…”

He shook his head. “No. We all pay for our sins, girl. Now’s my time, and it’s long overdue.”

“Please Raz.”

“You should stay here. Wait for Ren. But you won’t. You never listen. Never do as your told. Give me your forehead.”

She looked at him. Horrified. Confused.

“To my lips. Now.”

The fox complied, pushing her forehead to his lips, feeling the coldness set in.

“Forgive my sins,” he whispered, kissing her warmer skin. “If you’re going to run then you’ll need to take care of yourself. You know where it is. Take the coin as well, but don’t spend it all on sweets. There’s not that much. Hunt for your food, but not with the glaive. There’ll be nothing left.”

“No.” She pushed harder against the wound, blood seeping through her fingers, spilling down her arms. “Take it back. You need it more than I do. I don’t want it. It’s yours.”

“You’re going to be alone for a little while. I’m sorry about that. But Ren will find you. Just wait. You’ll be fine until then. If you could survive alone then, then you can survive now.”

Sakura dug her face into the angel’s shirt. “Please, Raz, don’t! I’ll be good! I promise! I’ll never yell or fight again! Please! I’ll be good! Don’t leave me!” There was only silence as the girl pleaded. She prayed, but there was no one left to hear.

She prayed through the night, holding tightly onto the man that had raised her, as if saying just the right thing would bring him back. She made promises that she knew wouldn’t matter whether or not she kept. He wouldn’t be there to hold her to them.

As the sun began its rise over the mountain, Sakura left Raz. She grabbed a shovel from the shed and went to the tree line.

She dug his grave.

She dragged his body.

She took his bracelet, his mangled wings making their second appearance in her life and put it on herself.

She pulled him into the hole, his final resting place.

She buried him.

She went back to the shed and foraged through scraps of wood until finding something acceptable. With clumsy hands, she put it together, hitting the nails too hard at odd angles, twisting and bending them. She carved into it.

Raz

Ren.

He would have made something nice. He was so good with his hands. Measuring and marking and building and fixing.

Sakura could only use her hands to destroy.

She pushed the cross into the freshly turned soil.

She wandered to the creek, stripped her clothes, and scrubbed Raz’s blood from her body. Grabbing the garments, the girl went back to the cottage, pausing at what was left of the angel, red and sticky on the ground. She breathed in the scents around her, so strong she could taste them on her tongue.

Iron.

Misery.

Rot.

Her eyes followed the invisible trail left behind by the blonde stranger, following the path towards the mountains before it veered off into the trees and away from their snowy peaks.

She could go after him.

Find him.

But she was so lost.

Sakura entered the cottage and tossed the clothes onto the hot embers of the dying fire where they smoldered, thick black smoke rising, before erupting into flame, incinerating the tainted cloth. She pulled on her shorts and one of Ren’s shirts, tying it in the back, before laying in the bed they had always shared and fell asleep.

The girl woke a few times but would quickly fall back into slumber.

Dark.

Empty.

Alone.

When sleep refused to return, she slipped from the covers and grabbed her bag. She packed some food and clothes and coin before pulling out the box of daggers from under the bed, placing each one carefully in the bag, pausing on the one with ruby handle. She pressed her lips to the gems and put it with its brothers.

She entered Raz’s room, the chill in the air heavy and unsettling. Opening his closet, the glaive that she had always wanted, always begged Raz for, stood waiting for her.

She finally got what she wanted.

She wished she hadn’t.

She put the baldric over her shoulder and across her chest, tightened the strap.

She was so much smaller than Raz.

She breathed deeply, bracing herself, as she grabbed the handle and pulled.

It was like wielding air.

She cried.

She placed the glaive on her back and walked through the cottage, checking that she had everything she would need.

She said goodbye to Raz.

She would say goodbye to Torg and Okag.

She would find Ren.

And together, they would find and kill that man.