Chapter 1:

You're a star, Hikari.

You're a star, Hikari.

I am an idol. Or rather, I was.

I was in a car accident on my way home from the Obon Vacation. Suddenly, my busy life turned into a routine of exams and recovering from the trauma. While I was in the hospital, a rumor spread throughout the hospital because of a recent case.

     It’s said there are two types of people:
     those ruled by the desire for death—Thanatos.
     and those ruled by the desire for life—Eros

Many said that Thanatos influenced a person's death by becoming their ideal companion. This got me thinking, what power would Eros have?

If Thanatos could create an illusion, in other words, create a lie, then Eros would be able to create a truth.

Perhaps his power is to create any object he wants.

These concepts kept me thinking for a while, until something else entered my mind and dominated my thoughts: the future.

Without my legs, I could never dance on stage again. I would have to give up my life as an idol. The feeling of fear grew. I would have to give up my dream, the dream of being exactly where I am now, a dream I've had since I was a child.

This brings back memories.

I was sad, lying on the couch at home, staring at the faded and uninteresting ceiling of the room. It was as if I had a void inside me. The TV was on, playing different shows and making different sounds. Different colors, but nothing resonated with me.

Unexpectedly, in the middle of a boring program that my father liked to watch, a commercial for a new song by a popular idol group at the time was broadcast.

All my sadness and feeling of emptiness disappeared. Before I knew it, I had changed. From the girl with no energy lying on the couch, I became the energetic girl dancing and singing. My perspective on things improved significantly and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life.

The first person I told was my aunt, a kind and understanding woman who was also the closest person in my family. She was so excited that the next day she surprised me with a gift: a microphone. Not just any microphone, but the same one I had seen the girls using in the commercial. I was overjoyed and I can say that microphone was the beginning of everything. My passion for music and dance just kept growing.

My parents wanted me to become a successful businesswoman, but the grey life of an office wasn't for me. I didn't feel alive. I thought they would understand, but my father became aggressive, took the microphone I had been given and smashed it into pieces, stomping on it violently. It felt like he was stomping on me. The fight got uglier by the minute. I couldn't bear to look at their faces, especially after the hurtful things they said. So I ran away from home.

I lived with the secret support of my aunt. After I told her everything that had happened, she helped me by taking me for tests after tests.

"Hikari, you have to follow your dream. If you were born to dance and sing, then dance and sing," she used to say.

My aunt is no longer of this world, but she lived long enough to see me become who I am today. Or rather, who I was.

I began to feel depressed. I may not have the support of my family, but I had my group, the other girls: Hisaya, Naomi, Tomoko and Nodoka. They could cheer me up in this desperate situation.

I thought about calling Hisaya. She was the vice-leader of the group and also the second vocalist. She was known for her happiness. She would certainly make me happy.

"Hello, Hisaya, how are you?"

I could hear a lot of noise from where she was, as if she was busy with some idol work. I recognized the bustle.

"Oh, I heard about what happened to you. Are you able to walk?" Her voice sounded disinterested, as if she was brushing me off. Her question didn't make me very happy.

"No, I will never be able to walk again."


I couldn't really hear it, and she hung up shortly thereafter. I could swear she said "nice" in a relieved tone. I had a lump in my throat. I hoped Hisaya would cheer me up, but maybe she was too busy to care.

Naomi was the youngest member of the group, always working out whenever she could. But I bet she had time for me.

"Hello, Naomi?"

"Is it true that you can't walk anymore?"

"How do you know that?"

"Hisaya just texted me."

"Yes, it's true," I said sadly.


"You too?"

"What did you expect? No one likes you. You were always showing off. You know I have weight issues, and yet you kept eating in front of me, but you never gain weight, no matter what you eat. I had to train ten times harder than anyone else in the group. I'm glad you finally got what you deserved." She hung up leaving me in shock.

I automatically called Tomoko, the friendliest member of the group and the one who interacted with fans the most, whether on social media or in public.

She answered and my heart began to pound. The feeling of anxiety was overwhelming.

"Hello... Tomoko. Do you like me?"

"Of course not. You always had it easy. To have fans, I had to give individual attention, talk to all those dirty people. Please don't talk to me. You're not an idol anymore!" She hung up as well.

Next I called Nodoka, the oldest member of the group, the one I turned to for emotional support. She was almost like a mother to me. It couldn't be that she didn't like me as well. My hands were shaking.

"Nodoka..." I cried and sobbed, unable to speak properly. "Is this a joke? It's not funny."

"Why don't you die?"


"You are supposed to die. Hikari. Too bad you only lost your legs."

"I thought we were friends!"

"I was never your friend, you're just a stone in my way." She hung up.

My heart was broken. I couldn't believe what had just happened.

For the next few days I waited for someone to see me. Maybe it was just a bad joke.

I wait and wait. Only to feel more and more alone. As the days pass, I confirm that the girls really hate me. I felt betrayed.

With no one to support me and no dream, I was a nobody. I thought about giving up.

I noticed that the nurse who was taking care of another patient had a habit of leaving his medicine near my bed.

I picked up the bottle of medicine and held it right in front of me. This was one of the lines from the chorus of my most popular song.

I want to live.

I placed a few pills in my hand. The different bobby pins I used were as colorful as the pills.

I want to live.

I looked at them, fear overwhelmed me, and my hands began to shake, just like the first time I went on stage.

I want to live.

I took the glass of water. This was a common ritual after every song.

I want to live.

I started to cry. Was there no other way?

I looked at the table where I had taken the medicine.

There was an object that clearly wasn't there before. Something I had forgotten. The microphone I was given as a child. It was impossible! My father had destroyed it.

In front of it was an envelope that resembled a small invitation, perhaps from the seal with the bow and arrow symbol.

I smiled. Eros?

When I opened it, there was a piece of paper with beautiful golden letters that read: So, live!

Tears ran down my face as I held the microphone in my hands and felt my aunt speaking to me, the same words that had been said to me when I was a child.

"You are a star, Hikari. You were born to shine. Never let anyone put out your own light."

"Thank you, Aunt. It will take a while for me to heal. I may not have my legs, but I can still sing. I still have my voice. I will bring happiness to those who need it, just as I needed it."

Ella Louis Davis

You're a star, Hikari.