A Leap of Faith

“I’ll be there for you.”

I’ve heard these five words my entire life. My mother would always promise to come to competitions and tournaments, yet her reserved seat was empty. Friend groups promised to stay in touch, but would always disperse. Mentors assured me that they would follow my writing, only to get flustered when I would ask for their thoughts. Partners pledged to be steadfast, only to leave months later. At the start of college I decided to keep everyone at arm’s length, for my own benefit. I never commit to any relationship, knowing it would come to an end no matter what they would say. All of my issues were my own and I worked on them alone. That was the plan at least.

Orientation Day at college started at 9:00 AM and the auditorium doors opened at 8:30, though I didn’t get there until 8:58 AM. I found an empty seat and sat down. The speakers were broken so the dean had to practically scream to be heard. Where I sat it was little more than an echo of an echo, overshadowed by the slow, meticulous clicking of an analog clock. Tick, tock; tick, tock. We were ushered to the main computer room after an hour of hearing the dean lose his voice. We went over logging into the website, checking our syllabuses, and just about every minute detail of the app a graduate of the school made for them. Afterwards we were divided into groups to go on guided tours based on our majors. I didn’t leave until sundown, 7:36 PM.

Another college freshman started appearing everywhere I went. From the library on the eastern half of campus to the courtyard on the western side of campus. They had the same interests as me, from the genre of book to what I do in my free time. Their appearance was very familiar, yet I couldn’t place it, like an old friend. Time went on and we grew closer, much closer. They made me forget about all the false promises and lies I was told throughout my life. If they said they would watch me compete, they would be there cheering the loudest. If they said they would meet me somewhere, they would arrive early. They were delighted to indulge in my endeavors and give constructive feedback when it came to my writing.

It felt perfect, divine even.

Freshman year came and went, and with it so too did my concerns about anyone else. We had learned more about each other throughout the year and I learned that they had more than just a preference for literature in common with me. For the first time, I heard myself say the six words I always dreaded to hear.

“I'll be there for you.”

It came out before I even realized it. Soon afterwards we started to date, continuing to grow closer as days turned into weeks. We would study at our usual spots, go swimming, even stay up late to deliberate plot points for our stories. It was a breath of fresh air.

Of course, everything good eventually spoils. As fall turned into winter, the chill of the world seemed to bring with it even more stress. The first of many exams were around the corner, and my lover was crumbling under the stress. They had recently gotten news that a family member was in the hospital in their hometown. It felt like I had become Atlas, carrying the weight of two worlds on my shoulders. I’ll be with them through it all. The promise from last year rang through my mind. My grades began to suffer, as did my hobbies, as more of my time was spent ensuring the sky didn’t collapse. Eventually, midterms finished and I managed to pass. Many of my projects were left unfinished and I could not find it in myself to start them up again. My partner passed with flying colors. The world seemed a bit darker than freshman year.

Winter became spring, yet a chill always stuck in the wind. A lone magpie call caught my attention, though I could not see any. A few days later, I learned of my own misfortune. My mother had been sent to the hospital due to an undiagnosed illness and it was clear she wouldn’t make it. The sky began to crack.

I was unable to do much of anything. It all felt like too much. My love did their best to help me, to keep me going, but it was all in vain. I began to skip classes, they would do the same. Hours felt like days, weeks felt like hours. I was struggling to do mundane tasks. Everything appeared monochrome.

One night my love decided to take me somewhere. It was a cloudless night as we drove, the moon shining above. We reached an old bridge far away from any lights. The sky was aglow with stars, brimming with light and hope. The moon was reaching its apex as I continued to stare up in silence. “This is awesome.” My partner laughed and asked what I meant. It filled me with awe, as though the shining lights above could sweep me away into a new world.

They hugged me close and brought me closer to the water where a blanket and basket had been placed. It wasn’t much but it was magnificent. “Welcome to your new world.” We sat down and began to enjoy our lukewarm sandwiches and water. We continued to eat and laugh as dawn grew closer and closer. Eventually they decided to go back to the bridge and planned to jump into the glassy waters below. I followed them and attempted to dissuade them, but they just laughed and called me scared. I grew flustered at this, reminding them of the time I spent my junior year of high school swimming. They teased me saying I never went off the high dive, which I could not refute. I stuttered out an excuse before they pecked my cheek.

“I'll be there for you.” My heart felt a thousand times lighter, and with another kiss, we leapt.