Welcome to the rice paddies

As I walked with Dumbee, we suddenly came to a vast field of rice paddies.

"How can rice grow in a place like this?" I asked.

"Cause it's a nice place mate," Dumbee smiled.

*Maddie lost 4 brain cells*

I shouldn't talk with this idiot.

"HEY! What are you asswads doing here!?" an angry man shouted.

He was clad in geta sandals, a fundoshi, and wore cufflinks on his wrists and neck along with fake bunny ears on his head.

"Oh great, a pervert," I grumbled.

"Pervert!? I'm Shitty Sal you dumb shit! I'm only dressed like some freak ass molester cause I'm broke and in debt to Ketsuketsu," the man growled as he pulled out a wooden paddle.

"Ketsuketsu?"

"Yeah, he's the asshol- I mean great spirit that roams the land. These are his rice paddies that I'm STUCK watching."

The sound of menacing instruments began to play as Shitty Sal began to sweat.

"Ah shit! He's back."

I turned to see a small furry creature in a brown bodysuit accompanied by a guy with big feet wearing a lime green bodysuit.

"Ore wa ketsu ga daisuki desu," the furry creature stated.

"The great Ketsuketsu says, "Who the fuck are you?"" the lime green bodysuit guy stated.

"I'm Maddie Rouge. I'm here to find a yowie into yaoi so I can restore my boyfriend and get out of here," I stated.

"Ore wa ketsu ga daisuki desu," Ketsuketsu laughed.

"He says, "The kangaroo's bitch? Hope you fail like he did. It was hilarious," Lime green bodysuit guy stated.

"Well good day. Unlike my boyfriend I'm much smarter. Come Dumbee, we must be off," I huffed.

"Ore wa ketsu ga daisuki desu."

"He says YOU need to pay the toll. Dumbee already kissed the kangaroo, but you? I'm into yaoi not yuri so you'll have to do something different. Maybe bake me a cake cuz I'm hungry."

"Huh? What do you mean toll? And how the hell am I supposed to bake a cake?" I growled.

"Ore wa ketsu ga daisuki desu."

"Your problem not mine."

"Wait, you're small and furry and into yaoi. Are you a yowie into yaoi?" I asked.

Ketsuketsu glared at me and spat.

"Ore wa ketsu ga daisuki desu."

"I am no yowie, I am a mesoduende. For pissing me off, shave your head and eyebrows then cover yourself in Vegemite."

"LIKE HELL I'M SHAVING MY HEAD! SCREW YOU FUR BALL!" I shouted as I stormed away.

I then bumped into a hairless wrinkly old man wearing nothing but a fundoshi.

"Oh hey gorgeous. I'm Luigi the Prune king. I'm here to search for all my hair and get some money," the man stated.

"Huh!? HEY! You're the ass that said I could have premium cabbage! I gave you my allowance, but all you gave me was a shitty little picture of a cabbage that appears in my menu screen!" Shitty Sal yelled.

"Hey, it's premium digital cabbage, but if you don't want it, I'll just delete it from your menu," Prune king shrugged as the cabbage suddenly vanished from Shitty Sal's menu screen.

"The fuck man? I paid for that shit!"

"Nah, it's limited time as of this moment. Plus you said you didn't want it."

"Give me my money back then!"

"No refunds. But feel free to buy more digital produce. Get them on your screen before they vanish forever."

"FUCK YOU LUIGI!" Shitty Sal yelled as he smashed a grey trash barrel on Prune king's back.

Prune king fell face down on the ground and groaned in pain. Shitty Sal then began smacking Prune king's ass with the wooden paddle.

"GIVE ME THE CABBAGE YOU HAIRLESS PRUNE!" Shitty Sal shouted.

"OW I DON'T HAVE ANY I'M BROKE!" Prune king tearfully yelled.

"Ore wa ketsu ga daisuki," Ketsuketsu glared as he too began smacking Prune king's ass with his own paddle.

"He says your ass is dead. That allowance money Sal got came from him for a job well done," Lime green bodysuit guy chimed as he too grabbed a paddle and began smacking Prune king's ass with it.

"OW MAKE IT STOP! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?" Prune king tearfully pleaded.

Everyone stopped smacking his ass for a second as Ketsuketsu nodded towards Lime green bodysuit guy. Lime green bodysuit guy then gagged Prune King as Shitty Sal began smearing Vegemite all over him.

"Yeah pruney, your wrinkly ass ain't going anywhere!" Shitty Sal taunted.

"MMPH NGH NGH NGH!" Prune king tearfully protested.

"Welcome to rice paddies motherfucker!" Shitty Sal laughed as the three resumed smacking Prune king's ass.

*Maddie lost 2014 brain cells*

I took the chance to grab Dumbee and run away as fast as we could.

"Why'd you run? That looked like things were getting fun," Dumbee smiled.

"Um? If I stuck around I'd end up as hairless and dumb as that pruned freak," I glared.