Dear, My Other Selves

"This world is indeed so cruel,"

Those words echoed in my mind as I stood on the rooftop of the hospital. The sky was darkening, the sun disappearing from view, replaced by the moon as a lantern. Stars appeared in abundance, as if welcoming someone long-awaited.

There, I stood silently, gazing vaguely at two figures on the edge of the building. There was no sign of hesitation between them. Quietly, I said, "You are cruel too, fool."

- One week ago -

I don't like to reveal my detailed profession. Let's just say I'm a psychiatrist. And I had a patient. He was a fighter, working tirelessly to earn money for his ailing parents and his twin sibling who was about to continue their education in the university. It required a considerable amount of money, which was why he worked so hard.

He left early in the morning to avoid the rush on the train, and he waited late into the evening to complete his office tasks and earn extra money.

"Sir, please complete this."
"Sir, do that task."

He took on all the tasks. More precisely, all the tasks were assigned to him. Canned coffee scattered around his office desk. Even his coworkers going home couldn't make him move from his swivel chair.

When payday arrived, the employees beamed with happiness. Finally, their month-long work paid off. So did he. He felt extremely happy.

"At last, I can pay the hospital bills and my sibling's tuition."

He checked his paycheck. He scrutinized it multiple times. He read it over and over. However, the additional money from his hard work and relentless overtime was so little. It could be said that it was only a fifth of what he had anticipated.

He approached the department responsible for employee salaries. He had to go upstairs twice to meet them. "Meeting them in person will be better," he thought.

"Excuse me, ma'am."

"Yes?"

"I have been working overtime every day, taking on many additional projects. But why is my overtime pay so little?"

"Proof it." The lady answered indifferently. As if she was pushing me away and reluctant to talk.

"I always come home late; it can be checked in the employee's clock-out data."

"Yes, that's just overtime, no additional projects, just regular daily tasks."

"I worked on projects, handled the team leader's tasks, took on my colleagues' work, even made coffee for them, bought the food they asked for - in essence, I did everything."

"Shh! There's no record of you doing any of that. Your name is not mentioned at all. Don't make things up! If you still insist, ask your salary from them." The lady said while pushing me out of her office and slamming the door shut.

"..."

I had been observing him for a long time. A never-ending job, like foam in the ocean. Colleagues and superiors who always exploited him without any appreciation for his hard work.

His lover was the one he regarded as the moon, illuminating him in the midst of the darkness. With her gentle and non-dazzling light, she seemed to be a calming presence after the daily madness he endured.

She listened carefully to his complaints. Every night, he poured out the pent-up cries, grievances, and complaints. Unconsciously, their conversations were one-sided.

However, tragically, she ended her life. In her final message, she wrote, "I'm waiting for you"

He was shattered. He thought he was the one who killed her, so, at the end of her life, she hoped that he would join her in death.

He overthought all the negative energy he had transferred to her. It was destroying his soul.

Whatever it was, the man was broken. And he had no one left to lean on. He was in a completely darkness. The hope to continuing his life is gone.

I tried my best to help him, to bring back the bright sun and the moon that could calm his heart.

I directed him towards the cats he loved so much. He used to bring a plastic bag of cat food and distribute it to random cats he encountered along the way.

But it failed.

I directed him to his best friend, with whom he had never been separated, hoping that his friend could cheer him up once again.

But it failed.

I took him on a ride on his old motorcycle around the city. We watched the buildings' lights and road lamps in the night, just as he used to do when he was in a bad mood.

But it failed.

I don't know how many ways I tried to keep him from ending his life. I don't know how many times I failed.

"I can't take it anymore."

I was utterly confused. On this day, I finally admitted that I had given up. I fell silent while gazing at the setting sun. The bright orange rays warmed my frozen body.

Someone entered the room. Wearing a doctor's white coat, he walked with purpose, had a determined look, and emitted a strong aura.

"You came," I said.

"Yes," he replied.

"Euthanasia?"

"Yes."

"Alright, please."

"Yes."

"This world is indeed so cruel," he said.
He walked to the rooftop while transforming into my patient's lover, who had already passed away. He even managed to call my patient to the rooftop of the hospital.

"You're cruel too, fool"
"But..."
"...I can't do anything either," I muttered to myself.

A few minutes later, on that night, under the starlight, the two of them jumped from the rooftop, full of conviction. The crows flew away as the body hit the ground. Blood splattered, bones cracked, and organs scattered.

The lover's soul welcomed him from below. He hadn't expected this and couldn't discern his emotions. Was it happiness or fear? He hadn't even realized he was dead.

"Where am I?" he asked, still trying to realize what had happened.

"Finally, you've come!" she said.

"Is.. that you?" he asked again.

"Yes, it is," she said, holding both of his hands and gazing deeply into his eyes

"Aren't you angry? Didn't I kill you?" he asked.

"I don't blame you at all. I was depressed, but not because of you. When I heard your complaints, all I could imagine was us leaving this cruel world together. Flowing among the stars before reaching the afterlife."

"Is that so?"

"Of course."

They gazed into each other's eyes with a profound look, held hands, danced, and skipped through the night. Then, they soared into the sky, slowly fading from sight.

The figure from earlier returned to me. He looked into my eyes with a cold expression.

"One more minute." he said.

"Alright." I answered.

"I'm sorry, because of me, your time in this world was so short." he said.

"It's okay. After all, we were just his imagination. I'm the one who failed, because I couldn't support him to survive in this cruel world."

"Don't blame yourself."

He patted my shoulder and slowly disappeared from view, leaving me alone in the cold and dark night. I continued to contemplate my recent failure.

Gradually, I disappeared as well, as my patient's brain shut down. In the darkness of that night, I whispered softly.

"Dear, my other selves... I failed. But, please, with all my heart...

Save your patients.

Fight to keep them alive. They're not hopeless people who give in to their circumstances.

Their eyes are only closed by the cruelty of life. Yet, beyond that barrier, there is boundless happiness.

Please, find... find that happiness, and may you successfully lead them to it."

-The End-