Catpurr 5: Excalipurr

“How’s the test going?”

“Oh, pretty swell. He’s died seven times already.”

“SEVEN?! Maybe scale it back a little? I thought you wanted a successor, why are you punishing him for your mistake?!”

“My mistake? You’re the one who set the touch screen sensitivity too high! Making me give him 5 days to complete the test instead of 5 hours! The Duckysaur is just to even things out a bit.”

“By killing him over and over again?”

"….."

"Well?!"

"I am… a strange and magnanimous god, my methods, a mystery to even the shrewdest of bein-ow! That’s my eye socket! Freya! Freya! That’s my eye socket you’re sticking your claws into!”

“You can’t feel pain? Why are you complaining?! You literally see through the skull on your staff! And don’t give me that mysterious god shtick! Be nice to the poor humanoid!”

“But it’s my experiment! How will he be prepared for the tower if I coddle-”

“ELI!”

“Fine. Be lucky that I don’t have a tongue or glands to spit at you. Actually, wait. Let me grow some.”- A conversion between ???? and ????

Catpurr 5: Excalibur

“I-I- Can’t.” Adam wheezed, completely out of breath after running for several hours. Clutching his chest, he leaned on a large spruce as the quacks drew near.

I’m going to die again. I’ve been running for four hours straight and I’m going to die again! Adam lamented, his heart beating furiously in his chest.

[System Error Detected!]

Huh?

Adam eyed his screen, looking at the vast quantities of Error messages that displayed over his system interface before it suddenly changed, warping to show that his quest timer had been modified from 5 days to 3 Hours.

Seriously?! Seriously! As if to kick him while he was down, the quest timer had shortened making Adam's eyes go wide.

He was screwed.

But he wouldn't give up, not when Stroedinger was waiting for Adam to rescue him.

There was still a chance.

Steeling his resolve, Adam pushed off the spruce and took off, intent to find something, anything in this near empty forest to kill in order to complete his quest and hopefully get rid of the Duckysaur.

However despite his mind being willing, his body was too weakl, causing Adam to let out a little wheeze and hiccup before he tripped over a tree root.

Oh crapbask- "EhF?!"

Adam face-planted, hitting the hard vibrating dirt ground despite his hands scraping against the dirt.

Ok. I've hit my limit. Eat me. I'm ready to respawn. Adam groaned, laying in the dirt completely out of stamina with his head bleeding into the dirt.

"QUACK! QUACK!"

The thumbing continued, this time with quacks as the Duckysaur spotted him. Adam tensed up and closed his eyes, preparing himself to be devoured.

A moment passed.

Then another.

Before finally…

Nothing happened.

"Huh?"

Adam opened his eyes, realizing he was still alive. He immediately turned, looking over his shoulder to see that the Duckysaur that had tormented him nonstop since awakening in this hell had suddenly disappeared.

"Huh…" Adam looked around, taking in the sight of pulverized trees, crushed stone, and massive duck prints in the earth, a pair of which were planted only a few feet away from Adam.

"Huh…" Adam said for the third time, hypothesizing that the disappearance of the Duckysaur had something to do with his system glitching out.

However Adam's brief respite was short lived as a "SHCREE!" sounded out, the cry of a Goblinoid.

Adam spun, dodging just in time to avoid the naked goblin as it swung its club at him.

"Tsk! Grasp Heart!" Adam squeaked out of reflex, raising his hand outwards to activate his skill, only for nothing to happen.

Crap!

Adam retracted his hand, retreating just in time to avoid the swish of the wooded club. Wasting no time, Adam dove to the side and into the green foliage, putting distance between himself and the goblin.

I need a weapon! Something, anything! Adam cried internally, his eyes darting around frantically as he searched for a stick, rock, or piece of debris to defend himself with.

Suddenly something shiny fell from above, its edge smashing into the ground and sending Adam flying as dirt and debris exploded everywhere.

Stuck in a tree, Adam opened his eyes, spying what appeared to be an ornate golden longsword with a blue hilt buried in the earth.

Not questioning it, Adam bolted for the weapon as he spied the goblin, the creature dazed but recovering quickly in the dirt nearby.

Latching his little hands around the sword, Adam pulled, attempting to wield the weapon however the moment he laid his hands on the weapon his system lit up with a worrying message.

[The Holy Sword Excalibur Rejects you! Stat requirements not met.]

"Wha?! This is useless!"

Adam's ears twitched, warning him just in time of the goblin as it charged at him from behind, forcing Adam to abandon the majestic weapon and flee.

*****

*Elsewhere, same time.*

"Ah.. oops. I forgot that has a stat requirement. Hmmm something that doesn't require stats… hmm this list is too long.. ah, I know."

******

Picking up a branch, Adam spun just in time use the tree limb to block the club that swung at him, deflecting the weapon to the side.

However it wasn't enough to deter the goblin, it immediately advanced, transitioning into an overhead swing with Adam digging his heels and raising his branch to catch the attack.

Adam's tree limb cracked, but held firm, a testament to the material's durability. Seeing it's attack blocked, the goblinoid opened up its pasty green maw and screamed, revealing a long red forked tongue and razor sharp teeth stained with green muck.

Grimacing, Adam stepped back raising his impromptu weapon in both hands to show the monster he wouldn't back down.

The goblinoid snarled once more before its jaw formed into a wicked grin as it licked its lips.

The two locked eyes, Adam's pupils dilating as his vision seemed to narrow in on his assailant.

However, before the two could come to blows, suddenly the sky lit up, shining iridescent golden light down upon Adam and the goblinoid.

"Huh?"

"Schree?"

The duo looked up, eyeing what appeared to be dozens-No! Hundreds of gold summoning circles with various weapons emerging from them in the sky.

Oh… oh but.. why?!

The circles disappeared, releasing hundreds of weapons that began to fall from the sky. Raining down a hail of metal weaponry that impacted the earth, forcing Adam to scream and serpentine to avoid dying as explosions ripped the area around him apart.

"SCHREEEEE!"

"STOP TYEING TWE KHLL ME!" Adam screamed as he and the goblin ran, sprinting through the killzone of weapons-turned projectiles as they fell.

*** Elsewhere***

*SLAPS*

"OW!"

*********