Catpurr 13: A Goddess Gets her cookies

“So now the last evolutionary bit on our list… Tail, or no tail?”

“Well… he’s a cat, he should have a tail no?”

“It’s not that simple since he’s a biped. If we make that a possible evolution he’ll have to grow a caudal vertebrae or a prehensile tail.”

“What is it the humans of earth say? "dealer’s choice?" I’m too old to think of everything these days.”

Sigh. “Eli, this is important, what you’ve done is create an entirely new form of life and Nyx is unhappy you corrupted one of her blessed to do so. The least you can do is be a bit more serious while we try and calibrate their system.”

-The Goddess Bastet speaking with Eli about Overhauling a species System

Catpurr 13: A Goddess Gets her cookies

Coughing from all the ash in the air, Adam walked across the ruined basement, moving until he stood amidst a crowd of soot covered jars.

He crouched down, hands pawing at the dirt until his hands glazed over a jar, activating his system.

[1/1]

[CONCATULATIONS! QUEST COMPLETE!]

Immediately, the jar disappeared, vanishing into a golden glimmer.

Ah. That was easier than I thought.

[ROLLING REWARDS!]

[DING!]

[Reward Obtained! Soul Bound Ring of Holding!]

His screen popped up, immediately spitting out a silver ring that fell into Adam’s hand, causing him to flinch as a tingling sensation shot up his spine.

He held it up, using his Inspect skill to examine the silver band that had no discernable features on it save for a cat face stencil into it.

Seriously? Why is everything cat themed? Adam groaned as he reviewed the ring’s information.

[Lvl-1 Ring of Holding/SOUL BOUND!]

[Item Description: A shard of a mythical item forge in the heart of a neutron star on the cusp of becoming a black hole. The original source is said to have been created to contain all the universes’ woes and illnesses and thus, was it dubbed the Prolific Source of All Troubles. This shard has been repurposed as a storage device and can hold up to five inanimate objects weighing up to 200 pounds. For every available slot, there is a random chance to generate a random item per slot per day.]

[Storage Space 1/5]

[View stored items->]

Prolific source of all troubles…. Adam let out a low chuckle. “How about, no.”

He flung the ring, discarding it into the ashen pile that lay before him before turning to leave the basement.

I have enough of a headache worrying abou- Just as Adam put his hand on the ladder he suddenly felt the cold iron return, this time wrapped around his finger. Ah… soul bound…. Right… Great.

Adam closed his eyes, sighing. Well, might as well see what's in it.

[Slot 1: 1600oz Block of Cesium.]

What's cesium? Adam went to retrieve the item out of his storage unit to inspect it, however just before he could, a loud growl echoed through the basement, stopping him dead in his tracks.

What the hel was that?! Adam panicked, his eyes wide with fear as he hunched down, scanning for threats.

“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.”

It happened again, but this time Adam was paying attention, noting that his stomach was the culprit of the noise.

Great. That's right… I need to eat. Adam inwardly sighed.

Outside of cooking fish for Schroedingerand sharing a meal with his friend, he didn't like eating. In fact, Adam loathed it and found it disgusting, preferring instead to use a ring of sustenance to fuel all his bodily needs. There was something about ingesting flesh and living substances that made him... uncomfortable. Unfortunately, he no longer possessed that ring, meaning he was just as frail, just as vulnerable to hunger now as everyone else.

[WELCOME TO TRIAL THREE!]

Oh my god.

[Prepare to be Teleported!]

“Please… just let me re-!” Adam screamed, but was cut off as a cat-shaped portal opened up and sucked him through.

****

Same time, Elsewhere…

“YOU &*$%@#&! I WANTED CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! WHAT THE &%4@# IS THIS &^%$($@ PIECE OF %#^% &$@#?!” An irate green-skinned shortstack yelled as she waved an ashen covered jar around at a hunched over skeleton in a pink bathrobe and shower cap.

“You said a batch of chocolate-chip milk cookies. My successor accomplished the test, giving you exactly what you wanted.” Eli replied, ignoring the Goddess of War as he unrobed and laid down on a black slab massage table that had been set up in a damp underground swamp.

“THIS?!” Islander shattered the jar in her coarse green hands, revealing a massive glob of melded dough and chocolate chips. “IS NOT WHAT I WANTED! DOES THIS LOOK LIKE COOKIES TO YOU?!”

“Eh, tomato potato, same thing right? They all go to the same place with you ingestors.” Eli replied as one of his heavily armored death knights appeared, delicately placing sliced cucumbers on its master’s exposed eye sockets.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHY AREN'T YOU FIXING THIS?! I WANT MY COOKIES DAMN YOU!” Islander raged, the woman infusing her voice with her godly mana to shout at the skeleton before her.

“It’s called a spa day. Very popular with mortals on a world called Eeerth.” Eli slurred out, unperturbed at the War Master’s display of power as a grim reaper began massaging his skeletal toes. “Huhuhu that tickles, stop it!”

“GAH! I HATE YOU! I’LL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS! I SWEAR! I SWEAR!” The goblin screamed before turning and running away, leaving the dank underground through a flight of stone stairs.

“Gah, what are you? One eon old? I swear, kids these days.” Eli sighed after several moments had passed in silence, removing the shriveled cucumbers on his bleached skull. With his mood soured and his spa day ruined. He got up, waving his minions off and placing his skeletal toes into a pair of pink bunny slippers laid out for him before he accessed his display. Pulling up a screen, Eli let out an "Oh." Upon spying Adam spinning wildly through a portal as he spewed rainbow colored vomit. “Whoops, I forgot about you. Hmm. Maybe a break would be good for him as well.”