Catpur 22: Ruebella The Destroyer

Catpur 22: Ruebella The Destroyer

“STOP! I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP!” Adam screamed, leaping into the air to dodge the projectile that exploded the earth beneath his feet, sending Adam flying.

“Three minutes! You got this lad! Just survive!” Sehn yelled as Adam hit the ground and tucked into a roll, narrowly avoiding another cast iron pan that almost ended his life.

Adam grit his teeth, his ears folded as he glared up at Ruebella, the maid standing in the far corner of the sand pit with her arsenal of floating frying pans.

She lifted her hand, recovering her spent weapons that spun out the dirt, boomeranging back to join the rest of the metal armory.

This is ridiculous! Adam moaned as another volley of iron flew his way.

Utilizing all twenty-five years of dodging experience, Adam ducked, dived, and weaved, attempting to evade the torrent of frying pans that narrowly missed his lithe frame by millimeters.

Sadly, while his mind knew what it wanted to do, his new body did not, failing at a crucial moment to keep up with his orders and resulting in Adam being struck in the metal plate on his chest.

[-15HP]

“OOOF!” Adam let out, sprawling and almost landing on his back. However, just as he was about to touch the ground, his curse activated, spinning his body and planting his face into the sand as his hands touched the dirt. He lifted his face, his mouth filled with brown grains that spilled out.

“Two minutes left!” Titania cried, turning Adam’s eyes toward her and two maids flanking her, a blue-haired woman and a pink-haired, the two appearing to pass coins between one another alongside a smiling Sehn.

ARE THEY MAKING BETS?!

Suddenly a woosh sounded overhead, making Adam tuck his face into the dirt to avoid a frying pan that whizzed by. Wasting no time, Adam quickly rose, clamoring to his feet and taking off, continuing his awkward dance of defying death.

“Temperance, step up the difficulty.” Guild Master Valentine called out, the woman sitting cross-legged in a chair that had somehow materialized into the room.

“What?” Adam spun, his eyes locking onto the woman. WHAT DO YOU MEAN UP THE DIFFICU-

Before Adam could finish his train of thought, Ruebella cocked her fist back, slamming it into the sand and kicking up a massive ripple that created a near twenty foot tall wave of sand.

“Oh… Crap baskets.” Adam whispered, ears folding as his eyes went wide and his jaw dropped at the sight of the encroaching sand tsunami. This isn’t fair at all!

In desperation, Adam turned and ran, abandoning his position, yet despite his tiny legs fleeing with all their might, he was soon caught, buried beneath the earth.

OXYGEN! OXYGEN! Adam wiggled around, his heart racing as he found himself stuck in pitch blackness. Don’t panic, hold your breath and calm down. You've been buried before.

In his youth, as part of his training to earn the necromancer class, Adam had been buried multiple times to understand the undead he raised. Except that had been in a coffin, not sand, but the basic rules still applied right? Immediately Adam went to work, wiggling around until he realized his hand was touching open air, moving around frantically and swiping at the dirt.

I’m near the surface. Adam surmised, quickly shifting his body rapidly to displace the sand he’d been buried under.

A moment passed, then another. Before finally, Adam clawed his way out, spitting up sand as he gasped for air. He shook his red hair, dispelling the sand particles as he used his free arm to try and dig the rest of himself out. However, as he struggled, a shadow fell over him, making Adam paused.

Oh no.

It was Ruebella, the woman glaring down at him with a frying pan in hand.

“W-w-wait! No! Please!” Adam cried, putting his hand up to shield himself as Ruebella swung down.

“HALT!”

At Valentine’s voice, Ruebella stopped, her frying pan a mere two millimeters away from Adam’s face, splitting his hair.

“Temperance stand down.” Valentine ordered, the red glow in Ruebella’s irises fading away back to her usual brown.

“S-S-sorry!” Ruebella cried, the girl returned back to normal as she threw her weapon to the side and fell to the sand, immediately dusting Adam off.

Ok. What just happened. Adam thought, confused as the woman seemed to have a split personality. Something controlled by the guild master’s words.

Valentine appeared, standing beside Adam who was still mostly buried in the sand with only his arm free.

“You passed.” Valentine said, dropping a piece of copper that Adam instantly grabbed with his free hand. “Ruebella, have his information filled out and clean him up. But keep his ears covered, we don’t want our guests asking too many questions. Afterwards, take him to the temple to get his ticket.”

“Y-y-yes mistress.” Ruebella said as the pink-haired maid in the distance laughed.

“Pay up itches! Ahahahaha!” The short pink-haired maid screamed jubilantly, leaping into the air. “I told you the guild master wouldn’t let her kill him!”

Sehn and the blue haired maid opened their pouches, depositing several coppers in the woman’s outstretched gloved hand.

“Lunafreya.” Valentine snapped her fingers, summoning a murder of crows that suddenly materialized, depositing the familiar muscular maid.

“You called mistress?” The dark-skinned woman said, flexing her titanic biceps.

“Bring me to my office.”

“As you will mistress.” Lunafreya bowed, shadowed crows appearing and whisking the two away in a heartbeat.

“C-c-come with m-me.” Ruebella said, extending her hand. Although reluctant from the earlier encounter, Adam eventually relented, taking the woman’s outstretched hand.

She plucked him from the sand like a ridgecarrot, dusting his body free of the sand and debris.

“I-I-I’m v-v-very s-s-sorry.” Ruebella apologized once more, setting Adam down where he adjusted his hood to recover his ears.

****

It didn’t take long to have his information inputted. After filling out a simple questionnaire on paper with Ruebella and turning in the copper tab he had, he was eventually handed a small copper badge with engravings on it.

Standing at the receptionist desk with noise of the crowd hitting his hidden ears, Adam looked over the tab he held in his hand.

[Adam F. Glow]

[#692023]

[Tax bracket: 1]

[Title: Idiot Novice of Eli]

[Bronze Rank-D]

[Class: Rogue]

[Tower Floors Cleared: 0]

[Certified at The Vilenciel Guild Office. If Found, please return to your nearest Guilder establishment for a reward!]

“Idiot novice of Eli.” Titania murmured, leaning over to read Adam’s title. Adam hadn’t meant to, but when he was asked if he had a title, he repeated the word, making his interface display outwardly to those gathered that he had one. Something he didn’t know he could do.

“Whose Eli? Is that who brought you here?” Sehn asked noisily from his right as Titania flanked his left, the two adventurers boxing him in and crowding him.

“I don’t know.” Adam groaned, wanting to be left alone. With so much contact with people, his social battery was draining rapidly, his ability to stand being around so much nose,confusion, and violence grating on his nerves.

“Well! Welcome to the guild lad!” Sehn laughed, patting Adam on the back and making him lurch. “Let's get some grub and then we’ll take you to the church to get your ticket.”

Adam sighed, dreading his upcoming visit to the religious establishment. After all, it was the fault of a bunch of religious wackos that he was in the predicament he was in.

Everything for you Schroedinger. To the ends of the world.