Bittersweet Molicholy

(One thing, if anyone says frick. It actually means fuck, for some reason, my publisher doesn't want me to say that word much so I’m just gonna remind you of that. like I had to change my, and everyone's exact words for the publisher).

(Also I decided to do what Solo leveling did instead of the ‘ ‘ thing so keep that in mind)

Now the story continues or something Idk why I have to put this you can clearly see th-

I see nothing, feel nothing, smell…..Fish?

After realizing I'm somehow not dead, I open my eyes, get up slowly, and instantly collapse onto the floor, feeling a throbbing pain in my head where I shot.

At least I know I didn't miss but this doesn't make sense, I shot myself easily in the head and I’m not even at a hospital, I’m still exactly where I was with no perceivable difference.

I feel the throbbing on my head, a little blood and a bruise forming there, but no hole. It was as if the bullet just bounced off.

I look at the gun, which is for some reason still in my hand (even after all of this I have no idea how so don’t ask), and inspect the bullets.

They weren't in the shape of normal bullets, they were spherical and felt a bit squishy which confirmed my theory.

“Fricking rubber bullets” I mutter to myself.

I look at what time it is and it has only been 20 minutes since I shot myself.

I then realized that it still didn't make any sense, it was point blank so I should have at least blanked out for more than 20 min, and in all regards, I should still be dead.

I decide to look at the silencer a bit and after looking right into it, it seems to not only silence them but also slows down shots.

I try to take it off but it seems like it’s superglued to it, then I realize this once again still doesn't make sense, you can’t even put a silencer on a <peacemaker>.

I then look at how many rubber bullets I have and realize something, I have 6 of them.

After looking around it a bit I see that at the top of the handle, there is a line there, indicating that it could be taken off.

When I take it off, I see that there is a file of rubber bullets on a 4 by 12 by 1 way except for the top which has only 3.

I put it back and look around for the bullet when I realize something once more.

This somehow still doesn't make sense, guns like this don't have any magazines, you just put it in the barrel.

“How is this gun more confusing than trigonometry?” I think to myself.

I think this while looking at the barrel and see that on the side of the barrel, it says 2 things.

<Custom made> which does make sense but it’s the second thing that puts me into a loop.

The name <Edwina Bec> is engraved onto the barrel, not Anton… Something.

I decide not to think about it and just assume that it makes sense.

I return to the karaoke room to see that Atsuo is finishing up a song.

On the screen, it shows what the song is, Idol by YOASOBI.

Atsuo is singing as best as someone drunk can.

“Where were you?” Asks Anton.

“I was just admitting your gun” I lie.

He takes this as an actual answer and I gave it back to him.

Atsuo finishes the song and passes the mic to Daitan.

“Hey, could you do an English song?” Anton asks, once more for some reason.

“Fine, you want to have an English song?” Daitan says very aggressively “Here you go”.

She goes into the English section, goes into rock, and then goes into a band called <Green Day>.

“Wait what” Anton blurts out.

Daitan then goes into the song called <American Idiot> by Green Day and starts it.

“Frick you” Anton barks.

I chuckle to myself a bit as the song goes into a guitar solo.

I then realize that Jiro is not here, so I ask Atsuo about where he is.

“Oh yeah Jiro still hasn’t made it back but he’s notorious for taking forever for things like one time back last month, actually I need to first tell you about him when we first met him…” Atsuo says, still going

I stop listening to her and just look at her while she’s still talking.

“Jiro wasn't joking about Atsuo being a conversational drunk,” I think to myself.

“<Don't wanna be an American idiot, Don't want a nation under the new media>“ Daitan sings the lyrics that appeared on the screen.

Her singing kinda sounds like how I would imagine a professional singer would sing in the shower if that makes any sense.

I decided to just look for Jiro, I don’t really know why. I think I was just getting away from Atsuo who is still somehow talking.

I go out the door to see, him entering from the entrance, not the bathroom, Jiro, with a prescription bottle in his hand.

Me and Jiro make eye contact, and he just freezes as if he could only move if I’m looking away.

“That’s a bit far from the bathroom isn't it?” I ask rhetorically, in a tone that conveys that I already knew everything (I knew like 49%).

“It’s not what it looks,” Jiro tries to lie “I was just getting my prescription, nothing more”.

“Like yesterday?” I ask.

Jiro just pauses, thinking what to say next to try to get out of the situation.

“So what’s in the pill bottle?” I ask, deciding not to waste any more time.

Jiro, catching on that I already know what is happening, says “Alright fine you got me.”

We both agree that staying in the karaoke place is a bad idea so we go outside to discuss this.

“Alright I’ll be honest with you,” Jiro says as soon as we get outside.

Jiro continues “When I dragged you to those job interviews, I wasn't trying to get a job, I was just making it seem like I was doing something and not just disappearing for hours.”

“Well, that's now 50%,” I think to myself as I ask “I’m assuming Antidepressants?”.

“What? how’d you know?” Jiro asks “You some psychic or something?”.

“I’m observant,” I say “Which is close enough”.

We both let out a little chuckle

I continued “Yesterday you were choking on something but then it became fine in an instant, you were choking on some blood didn't you?”.

“You don’t understand, '' he responds “I deserve to be happy no matter what, right? Isn't that why we live?”

“Are you happy?” I ask.

He stammers for a little bit before resigning “What most people realize is that depression isn't that you’re always sad, it’s that the actual chemicals that make you happy stop working”.

He continues “Back at home, I had some familial problems, they wanted grandkids, I'm asexual, you see where the conflict resides right?”.

“Yeah I get it,” I say “But could I ask why do you overdose on them, instead of just taking the prescribed amount?”.

“I at first thought that it would speed it up,” Jiro says “It did not, I’m such a dumbass”.

“And before you ask I am trying to stop it on my own but whenever I try, I go through withdrawal symptoms like yesterday and have to get another dose.” He continues.

“So why didn't you tell them?” I ask.

“I wanted to seem manly,” Jiro says “They all see me as some awful comedian who makes decent dark jokes so I thought they would just belittle me.”

“Why does everyone care about being quote-on-quote manly, just be yourself” I respond “People say that pride is one of the 7 deadly sins but I think we should have a bit more of it”.

“Yeah,” Jiro says “Never got that as well”.

“Anyways you wanna go inside and duet the Sixth Sense by Reol?” I ask.

“Sure let’s do that,” Jiro says as I’m walking to the door back inside.

I’m about to open the door when the door hits me in the face.

“Huh, Reina must be here,” Jiro jokingly says.

And sure enough, Reina is right there, still in her Anime costume.

“Oh Asuka from Evangelion,” Jiro says like I was supposed to know that.

“Aren't you supposed to be at an anime convention?” I ask.

“Oh, when we got there, we found out that every panel was not available until tomorrow so me and a few other people at the convention went to karaoke,”. Reina says.

Reina adds “So what room are you in?”.

I stand up, getting used to being hit by a door, and say “Room 25?” wondering how she did not see me passed out there.

“Well, have fun with that,” Reina says as she walks back to her room.

“You know if I got a 500 yen coin every time you got hit by a door by Reina, I would have two 500 yen coins which isn't a lot but weird it happened twice”. Jiro says.

I hear Reina say in the distance “You copied that from the internet”.

We go into the door (it goes both ways for some reason) and return to room 25 when Jiro asks me “Oh yeah, how are we going to cover this up?”.

“We don’t,” I say as I open the door to find that Daitan got a 95 on <American Idiot>.

“Oh there you are,” Atsuo says “You going to sing now?”.

“Her social awareness sure hasn't gone up,” I think while getting the mic.

I go to the search button, type in The Sixth Sense, and click on Duet.

We then just sang songs throughout the entire night. I'll just list the songs we sang, the artist, who sang them, the score, and any notes I wanted to note as nothing much happened.

The Sixth Element, Reio & Tokyo Gegegay, Me & Jiro, 73-43.

<Sweet Child of mine>, <Guns N’ Roses>, Anton, 84.

Song of the Dead, KANA-BOON, Atsuo, 97.

VORACITY, MYTH & ROID, Daitan, 89.

Naimononedari, KANA-BOON, Me, 83.

GIRL GIRL, Masayuki Suzuki & Su, Jiro & Reina, 55-94 She came to just do a duet.

<Livin' La Vida Loca>, <Ricky Martin>, Anton, 100.

Todome no Ichigeki, Vaundy & Cory Wong, Atsuo & Me, 89-78.

Usseewa, Ado, Daitan, 94.

<This Love>, <Maroon 5>, Anton, 90, We were starting to not know what song to put.

Re: Re, Asian Kung-Fu Generation, Daitan, 100, she joked about killing the dragon after.

Color, yama, Atuso, 93.

“I’m gonna call Tomori real quick,” Anton says.

“Who’s Tomori?” I ask, hearing that name for the 5th time today with no explanation.

“I’m just trying to get in contact with one of her friends for an idea for a song” Anton replies, not answering my question at all.

“You know what a foreign exchange student is right?” Atsuo asks me.

She continues “She and Anton did a foreign exchange but when it was over, they both decided to stay instead and fully moved there, Tomori is in America by the way”.

I hear a ringer from Anton’s phone and then an answer.

The phone says with a dismissive feminine voice who I assume is Tomori, “<Hey Anton, you need more help with Ats->”.

“No, it’s not that,” Anton interrupts, a bit flustered “Is Sam around? I need a song for karaoke and he’s the only one of you who knows any good songs”.

“<Alright fine but don’t blame me if he says Welcome to the Internet>“ Tomori responds as I hear footsteps.

“Why is it on speaker?” I ask the whole group.

“Tomori came here once and somehow made it so that it’s permanently on speaker,” Daitan says, once again, as if that sentence makes any sense.

“<Too too roo, who's this?>” The person who I think is Sam says.

“Did he just make a reference to Steins Gate?” Jiro asks.

“Hey, I mean <Hey Sam, first what's your number?>“ Anton says.

“ <Oh hey, yea I sent it to you on Imessage> “ Sam says “ <So what do you want?> “.

“<Do you have any music recommendations?>“ Anton asks “<I’m doing karaoke but I ran out of songs>“.

I hear from the phone, the guy squealing with excitement.

“<Do It’s Golden Hour somewhere by Lovejoy>, “ He says.

Anton puts that in but it turns up no results for the band <LoveJoy>.

He tells Sam that it didn't show any results.

I hear from the other side of the phone a thump as if hearing this information drained all of his life force.

“<Uh you ok?>“ Anton asks reasonably.

“<You can’t see it but he’s in the Yamcha pose right now>,” Tomori says while seeming to eat some chips.

He gets up and says “<Ok how about Devil Town by Cavetown?>”.

Anton checks and finds that there are no results as well and tells him.

He makes a sound like he was just attacked in one of those arcade-fighting games.

“<How about 2 Bed 2 Bath and a Ghost by Bug Hunter?>,” Sam asks.

“<What do you think?>” Anton says “<This is a Japanese karaoke place you need to say more popular songs>”.

“<Alright>,” Sam says begrudgingly “<How about how to save a life by the fray?>”.

Anton searches it up and it’s on there.

“<Thanks for that>,” Anton says as he hangs up and plays the song.

The song starts with a soft piano and then goes into the lyrics “<Step one, you say we need to talk>”.

Anton sings them the way you do when you don’t really know the song but want to at least try, you know what I mean right?

“<He walks, you say sit down, it's just a talk>” He continues, followed by “<He smiles politely back at you>” and “<You stare politely right on through>” in the same tone.

Honestly, throughout the song, the only thing I was thinking was “Finally a decent American song”.

“<Some sort of window to your right>” Anton continues, “<As he goes left, and you stay right>”.

“<Between the lines of fear and blame>” Anton sings, now really getting into the lyrics. “<You begin to wonder why you came>”.

It then goes into the chorus with the lyrics “<Where did I go wrong?>” and <” I lost a friend>”.

Anton continues, really enjoying the song now.

“<Somewhere along in the bitterness>” I hear Anton continue.

“<And I would have stayed up with you all night>” Anton continues to sing.

“Is- is he crying?” I ask the rest of the group as the lyric “<Had I known how to save a life>” appears on the screen.

Anton starts to sing the lyric through teary eyes but instead just collapses onto the floor, sobbing.

Atsuo asks “Should we… go home or… what?”.

We agreed and left the karaoke place.

On the way back I ask Anton what was up with that but he doesn't respond, just wiping the tears away.

I decided not to think about it and wait out the rest of the day just thinking about how fun that was.

Nothing else happens throughout the day as I fall asleep on the couch and doze off, smiling while doing so for the first time in like 10 years.

Then I heard a gunshot.