Everything was ending.

That didn’t mean much for a man such as myself. In fact, it may have been a blessing.

I was asleep when the sirens blasted through my thin apartment walls, and the alert on my phone had announced the news. Maybe I was still half asleep, but with the weight of the whole world crashing down, I don’t think it fully sank in.

In fact, a part of me felt relieved that I didn’t have to show up to work today, so taking advantage of that, I started the last day of my life by putting some headphones on to block out the panic outside and sleeping in. It was already late afternoon when I woke up again.

Slowly, I rose from bed, and somehow, knowing everything will be over soon… It filled my mind with a sense of clarity I’d been yearning for. I walked out onto the tiny porch of my apartment for some fresh air and watered the potted plants. Something about the futile mundanity of the task instilled some joy within me.

I finally took out my phone again, and there I was, confronted with the question of a lifetime. What am I going to do with my last day alive?

Funnily enough, I remember back in high school, it was quite a fun question to ask. “What would you do if you only had a day left to live?”

I suppose that’s not quite the same as everyone having only one day left to live.

Answers like ‘giving everything away,’ ‘making something up to someone,’ and ‘writing a will’ wouldn’t really apply in this context. Nothing would be left anyway.

I never quite knew how to answer that question myself. When asked, I would reply with something vaguely poetic like ‘seeing the stars one last time’ or some other pretentious answer that dodged the question.

I thought through the answers that others gave as I cleared through the hundreds of notifications from social media, estranged family, and long-lost friends who all decided to finally make contact as the curtains fell.

I definitely didn’t want to spend my last few hours making up or talking to people I hated. Confessing my feelings to someone? Apologize to someone I’ve wronged? Telling those close to me how I love them? All that still seemed too nonsensical and arbitrary.

I do distinctly recall that this one girl would answer “I’d want to tell people everything I was afraid to tell them. I don’t think I could rest with all that darkness still shrouding my heart.”

It was a sickly sweet sentiment, especially coming from her. One might believe that was a common or generic answer to that question, but when she said it, she meant it, terrifyingly convincingly so. I despised her for that.

We were actually good friends as children, I’d like to think. I was popular amongst the teachers and parents, and she’d always tag along.

As we grew older, however, she found other friends and became this ray of sunshine everybody in town adored while I remained more or less the same. I despised how quickly she caught up to me, how much she surpassed me, not in academics or anything but as a person. I despised how resilient she was in such a cruel world.

She didn’t deserve to have the world spontaneously end like this.

Soon, I hit the bottom of my contacts, having cleared out all the spam, and I noticed that her name didn’t rise in my recent messages at all. She and her sentimental bleeding heart, of all people, didn’t send anything to me, her childhood friend.

I furrowed my eyebrows at my phone. It was rather upsetting, to think that she may have completely moved on from me, and with sheer instinct, I opened her profile and sent her a quick text.

Me> Hey.

Me> Let’s catch up.

Upon sending that, I felt a calm wash back over me as I sighed and looked back out from the porch. I was only half expecting her to respond. Back when we were friends, she would always respond to me in mere minutes. Looking back at our last conversations, I was the one who left her message hanging, though I don’t recall it.

I was starting to think that maybe she was right not to give me any of her precious last few hours of her life, that it was only fair she didn’t reach out to me during this time, but to my surprise, my phone showed her typing a response. Within a couple minutes, as always.

> Sure.

> Did you want to meet in person?

I shouldn’t have smiled, yet parts of me were thankful that neither of us moved out of town since we were little.

Me> Yeah. How about that park we’d always play in as kids?

> I’ll see you there.

With that, I’d decided how to spend my last few hours. On my way to the park, I walked eerily empty streets, with those I do come across calmly counting their last hours, resigned to their fate. Mindlessly letting my muscle memory lead the way, I found myself passing an aged playground on my path to the park.

I stood there, my hands stuffed in my pocket as I gazed upon the slide I’m too big to fit down now, the seesaws now ravaged by rust, and gravel upon which I used to play card games with friends without even knowing the rules to the game. I always won. The number on my card was the biggest after all.

The trees stand there in full bloom, a companion in my upbringing who grew larger and larger over each passing season with me. Back in high school, I had thought I’d wasted my childhood with stupid games instead of investing into an interesting or productive hobby like playing a sport or an instrument, but now… Now, I’m not so sure.

I just wish I played nicer with the other kids.

Passing by a cozy, quaint family-owned grocery store I used to buy snacks from as a kid, I stopped to stare at the wear and tear that time had left on the storefront, as if it’s the first time I’ve noticed how much the signs have faded.

Idling there, the kind old lady who ran the store emerged from the door and meekly smiled up at me, her posture pulled by the call of grave’s gravity. “Ah, it’s you, Boy. How are you?”

“I’m glad to see you’re still in good health, Gran.”

“Ah, no use for it now.” She chuckles morbidly. “It’s a shame. I’ve lived a full life already. It’s quite unfair to youngins like you.”

“Ah, it’s quite alright.” I tried to smile back at her, but the corner of my lips betrayed my efforts. My life was as good as over too. There are people who it is unfair to, though…

She simply nodded and frowned.

I peered over to the freezer containing ice cream and other frozen desserts and laid my eyes on some KariKari popsicles. I still remember standing outside under the blazing cicada summer sun as a kid, and winning an extra free popsicle would feel like the best day ever. I’d give her the free popsicle like I was so generous.

“Hey, could I get two of those ice pops?”

The old woman turned her attention to the freezer too as her smile returned. “Of course.”

“One last treat for old time’s sake.” I took out my wallet and began taking out some bills.

She tilted her head and laughed. “You don’t need to pay at a time like this.”

“Please, I insist.” I smiled slightly and handed her the bills. “Keep the change.”

“Thank you, Gran. Take care.” She pocketed the money and softly chuckled as I took my popsicles and continued my tread towards the park.

The last stretch of pavement that stood between me and the park housed the high school I had attended together with her. By that point, we’d already been estranged, but in the social game that was high school, she was a winner… And I wasn’t. I was waiting until I graduated to get the hell out of town.

Receiving a ping on my phone, I checked to see an update from her.

> I have some calls I have to take, so it might take me a while to show up! Sorry!

> Ok

I shrugged, unable to really care about the little things. A part of me was glad she was getting the relationships in her life sorted before the end; she probably had people worth talking to unlike me after all. I swiped out of my DMs with her and looked once more at the other people in my contacts.

My mother seems to be continually trying to reconnect with me, but I couldn’t really care less. I don’t owe her anything. She’s not entitled to a response from me, not at this point when the end was suddenly thrusted upon us, and she realized that in her old age, she had nobody but me. But her teary words that night still stuck with me. “Did I fail you as a mother? How…? Why did you end up like this? Tell me, hey, tell me. Did I do something wrong?”

I could do nothing as I felt my gut turn with guilt and despair, grimacing as she dropped that kind of weight on my already struggling adolescence. “When I grow up, I’ll leave this town behind me for greater things, bigger than this town could ever conceive of!” Those were the types of things I’d think to myself, but I guess that didn’t pan out either. Maybe that’s for the better too.

Finally arriving at the park, the sirens had scared away the birds that would be otherwise chirping their songs. I trotted across the grass fields, and a lone bench emerged before me, not particularly placed near anything. Not even a vending machine or a lamp post.

I was rather fond of this bench from my childhood. Hardly anyone ever used it, so it was always readily available. I liked that kind of reliability. This time, however, there was already a woman sitting there. She wore a decent dress with painted, red fingernails and brown, long hair curled to shoulder length.

I took a seat next to her and checked the time. Who knows how long we’ll have left? Stowing the phone, I sighed and waited. She did say she might take a while to show up.

Silence…

I peered over to the woman sitting next to me who seemed to be zoning out at nothing, and for chronocide’s sake, I struck up conversation.

“You’re awfully well-dressed for the occasion.”

Her eyes shifted to me, and realizing I was talking to her, she shrugged.

“Can you blame a girl for wanting to go out in style?”

I chuckled. It’d been a while since I sat down next to someone and made small talk.

“Now I’m regretting not doing the same.”

I looked back up towards the clouds.

“Who would’ve thought the end of the world would have such nice weather.”

She nodded.

“Perfect for a picnic… or a baseball game.”

“Or a walk in the park.”

“Is that how you’ve decided to spend the rest of your time?”

“I’m waiting for someone.”

“What a coincidence.”

I looked over at her again. No, she couldn’t be it. I don’t recognize this woman.

“That so? I hope they’re punctual. Not much time left to be late.”

She shook her head.

“I hope he doesn’t show up.”

I tilted my head in confusion.

“Why’s that? You’re waiting for someone you hope won’t show up?”

“He’s a childhood friend, and I didn’t know how to say ‘no’… to him… or anyone, really. Actually being here though, if he saw me now… I think he’d be disappointed to learn how I turned out.”

“Pardon me, but I think you look rather presentable… Like a doll.”

She smiled.

“That sounds like something he’d say about all this effort I put into my appearance today.”

“I can see why you don’t want to see him then. I’m waiting for a childhood friend too, but now that I think of it, my decision was also pretty impulsive. I don’t even know what I’d say to her if I saw her again… Maybe something like ‘I’ve always hated your guts for being so happy, so mature, so kind.’”

“You’re awfully honest, sir.”

“Circumstantially.”

I extended one of the popsicles I’d bought towards the woman. “Here.”

She looked down at the popsicle. “For me?”

“Who else?” I handed it to her and unwrapped mine. “It was for her, but they’ll melt if we don’t eat them soon.”

She smiled at me with tired eyes, unwrapping the colorful, blue plastic. “Thanks. I loved these as a child.”

I leaned my posture forward as the popsicle was already melting, dripping down along the stick, onto my fingers and then onto the grass. “I used to have them with the friend I’m waiting for.”

“Your friend sounded like a wonderful person.”

“Well, that was back in high school at least. I’d be overjoyed if I found that she was a mess nowadays. What about your friend?”

“He… was a bright kid. I looked up to him, but it took too long for me to realize he only used me for validation…”

“That so?” I tilted my head over to her.

“I feel a bit bad about ghosting him.” She nodded. “Despite being rough around the edges, I still think he had a lot of good in him. It’s been a while, so I hope he cleaned up his act and did something with all that potential.”

“No… You’re right to avoid him.” I narrowed my eyes and dismissively waved my hand. “Guys like him aren’t worth holding onto hope for. They’re far better off dead. What a blessing today must be, right?”

“I suppose so.”

I finished my popsicle and looked down at the lottery imprinted onto the stick. “Ah– I lost.” One last loss for old time’s sake, I suppose.

She finished her own popsicle and looked down at the lottery, chuckling. “Looks like I won.”

I chuckled with her. “Congrats.”

“Since you bought it, you can have the free popsicle.” She playfully smirked at me.

“How generous.” For the first time since waking up, I felt joy untainted by melancholy as I rolled my jaw to fidget my popsicle stick up and down in my mouth. “I’ll be sure to redeem it on my way home.”

The skies filled with a million solar haloes as the earth shook. The howling winds threatened to drown out our voices as it warned us of our limited time left.

So this is how it ends.

“Looks like she’s not going to show up, huh?”

“No. I think she did.”

I brushed my hand against hers, and she pulled away for a moment before taking it.

“I’m glad you found who you were looking for too then.”

I chuckled and threw my posture back in a carefree manner, my eyes pointed directly into the sky where tears wouldn't spill as the popsicle stick crunched in half with the clench of my teeth. “Sounds like we both really messed up, huh?”

She crossed her legs in a similarly carefree manner and tilted her head, a bittersweet smirk laid across her face. “Maybe so. It does seem that we both lost, but… Does that matter now?”

I ponder that for a moment, if only for a moment, maybe just this single moment that we have now… It might’ve been worthwhile.

“No. I suppose not.”

And as we watched the earth turn in blazing glory, it occurred to me that I never even got her name. Maybe that’s for the best too…

Just to preserve that hopeful possibility.