It's Not Just A Dream.

It’s 10pm. I decided to take a break from overtime working. Things weren’t like this before.

After arrived on the roof, I sat on the ground and put down the coffee I bought from the vending machine.

Did I just accidentally buy two coffees again? He won’t be here anymore.

I put the extra coffee on the place he usually sits on.

I stared into the night sky while sipping my coffee. The breeze was significantly cooler than that night.

It’s been 2 months now since that incident happened.

He was a kind and really helpful guy. He was the first guy to help me out after I transferred to a new high school. We quickly became buddies.

We laughed and cried together in school. We got to work at the same place after graduation too.

At work, we helped each other out and often stayed in the office till late at night. After finishing our work, we hung out on the roof sipping our drinks.

Half a year ago, he fell in love with a girl. Our daily lives remained the same, but something changed over time.

He started to become gloomier. He started to avoid social interactions. The times we worked together overnight became lesser and lesser.

And he started to leave his job without informing anyone of us during work hours.

One day, I contacted him after he had rushed home out of nowhere. He said his girlfriend attempted suicide by trying to jump off the rooftop of his apartment, 30 floors high.

This happened four times but the fourth time, he never picked up my calls.

I felt something was wrong and rushed to his apartment after finishing my work.

But it was too late.

Police locked down the area and the lights from the ambulance were flashing so brightly in the night.

He jumped from the building.

This must be an accident. I refuse to believe he would jump off the building.

Shortly after that, I was questioned by the investigators to investigate the reason for his death.

When I mentioned that he had a girlfriend, the investigators looked at me with a puzzled face.

‘He is not in a relationship with anyone. The recording shows that he went to the roof of his apartment several times alone. Are you sure he has a girlfriend who was suicidal?’

‘I am sure about that.’

‘Do you know what she looks like?’

He never showed his girlfriend to me before. Not even a single photo.

‘No, sir. He doesn’t share any of his girlfriend’s photos with me.’

Investigators remained silent.

‘We had checked all the surveillance recordings. He went up to the roof several times and he was the only one there every time. So it might be a creation of Thanatos, or maybe just unstable mental health. Jot that down except for the Thanatos part.’

‘Yes, sir.’

Thanatos, the god of death huh?

Those who are ruled by Thanatos will have a strong desire for death. Unlike other accidental deaths from accident or illness, they will be guided to death by Thanatos willingly.

Some rumors say that Thanatos will transform into anything to bring its victims to death.

So does this mean his girlfriend is also a creation of it?

Forget about it. It must be my fault that I didn’t notice his mental condition earlier enough.

The wind kept on breezing. I took a sip of my coffee again.

‘What's going on recently?’

A familiar voice. It’s his voice.

I jolted.

He appeared beside me, exactly where I put the extra, or maybe, his coffee.

‘Hi. I’m back.’

I was shocked. I had a lot of questions coming off my mind, but I was so stunned that I couldn’t speak anything.

‘…Why?’

He smiled like nothing happened. But his smile was depressing for me to look at.

‘Sorry for the inconvenience I have caused. Seems like many co-workers quit their job after the incident. You must be exhausted with the extra workload isn’t it?’

He picked up the coffee and popped it open.

‘…Why do you want to end yourself without informing anyone?’

‘I wouldn’t succeed if I told you earlier.’

He drank his coffee, and burped with satisfaction.

‘You do know my taste for coffee, don't you?’

‘You always asked me to buy your coffee every time we took a break, of course I know which coffee you prefer.’ 

I gave him a side eye while answering him.

He giggled, and continued on his coffee.

We sat to each other like in the past, but this time it was different.

We both kept silent, not sure what to say next.

After some time, I decided to break the silence.

‘So what makes you jump off from the building?’

I asked the question that I wished to know since then, with tears rolling in my eyes.

‘Nothing. Just lost in this world, and I don’t know what my life worth living for. Everything I saw was just grey and dull. When the time came, I got fascinated by death and I just went for it.’

He looked at me, and stared back to the skies.

‘For a split second, I saw colours in my eyes. That was the most beautiful night I ever had in my life. Quickly after that it’s just a void.’

‘Why you didn’t tell me if you were struggling so badly?’

‘I just didn't want you to worried about me, bro.’

‘If you were suffering but you can’t share your thoughts to me, it means that I failed as your buddy!’

I couldn’t hold my tears anymore.

‘Why you are so selfish? You have made yourself easy but do you know how much trouble you caused the people you know! Every day, I had to be investigated because of you, and night I keep questioning myself did I do anything to you that lead you to this end. I never felt so guilty in my life before.’

I started to sob.

‘Do you know you were my Eros in my life? I got bullied so badly in high school until I’m forced to change schools. It was you that changed my life, you are my reason to keep living! Why did you leave me alone in this world?’

He stood up and patted my head. He went through the fence of the roof and looked back at me.

‘Don’t call me Eros. I’m not your god of life. I’m just an ordinary person. So then, farewell.’

He spread his arms open, with the coffee tin in his hand.

He tilted back and fell from the edge.

I was terrified.

Seconds later, I could hear the tin hitting the ground violently.

‘HAAHH! Hah… Hah… Hah…’

I jumped out of my bed.

This is the third time I dreamt of him this week.

‘What’s matter, honey? Is it the same nightmare again?’

My girlfriend woke up and calmed me down.

For me, she is my Eros.

But how far is the distance between Thanatos and myself? I don’t really know, but I’m sure that he will keep haunting me for the rest of my life, and he is ready to take my life when I lose my Eros.