Sorry, Thank you and I love you

"Are you ready, Yuka?" Ai asked as she drove. We were on our way to a place I hadn't visited in nearly a decade. I was feeling nervous.

"Yeah, but I still feel nervous. Can we go back, Ai? I don't think now is the right time for this."

"What are you talking about, Yuka? You need to overcome this! How long are you going to act like this?" Ai's voice was firm.

"Okay," I replied, unsure of how to respond

We finally arrived at our destination, a place that held memories I had tried to forget.

"Come on, Yuka," Ai urged.

I hesitated but followed Ai to the reception table. "Hello, can I ask something?" I inquired.

"Yes, what can I help you with?" the receptionist replied.

“Can I see Katagiri Yumiko-sensei?”

Right. Katagiri Yumiko is my mom’s name. Mom uses this name when she works. Today, Ai brought me to see mom at the hospital where mom works. At first, I felt happy to see mom again but as I arrived here, I felt so nervous. What should I say to her after what I have done before?

The receptionist seemed to recognize me. "Can I know who you are? To see her, you usually need an appointment, and she's been quite busy. I'm pretty sure I've seen your face before."

I was taken aback. How could she recognize me when I was wearing a mask? I thought I had left my celebrity life behind, but apparently, that wasn't the case. "Yes, I am Katagiri-sensei's daughter," I admitted.

"Ah, that's why you look familiar. Don't worry; I'll try to help you. You and your friend can wait at that table over there. I'll inform Katagiri-sensei, and she'll see you."

“Did you know me?”

“Yes! I always see your picture in Katagiri’s sensei! Don’t worry! I will try to help you! Can you and your friend wait at that table first? After I inform Katagiri sensei, I will tell you.”

"Thank you very much," Ai and I said in unison.

By the way, your latest song is really good!" the receptionist added.

"You know me?" I asked

"Of course, you're Nakamura Yuka, right? Don't worry; I won't tell anyone about this."

I hoped I could trust her. As for the song, it had been almost a month since Ai had uploaded it on Whotube. I had deliberately avoided the comments section. After about a week, I received several private messages on my social media.

“I like your song!”

“You should continue to sing the song like this!”

“I am your new fan! This song is really nice!”

I was surprised to find that some people liked the song. But now, I had more pressing issues to address.

“Katagiri sensei want you to see her at her room on fourth floor,” said the receptionist.

“Yuka, I will wait for you here. Good luck!”

“Alright, Ai!”

With heavy steps, I make my way toward the elevator. After that, I pushed the button for me to go fourth floor. In my mind now, I still try to find what I need to say to mom when I see her after this. When I arrive at the fourth floor, mom’s room is at the end of the corner from elevator’s door. Finally, I am in front of the door. Before I knock the door,

“Come in!”

This is mom’s voice. How can she know I am already here? I open the door and see mom sitting at her worktable while looking at her smartphone.

“What do you want from me, miss celebrity?”

Her words are piercing my heart. Why does this room suddenly feel so cold?

“Mom, the reason I am here is I want to apologize to you for what I have done before. I know that this is so late but please accept my apologies,” I said while knelt before her.

“Who is your mom?”

Again, I feel my heart was pierced by knife.

"Can you imagine what I felt back then? You promised me that you would continue your studies and then do what you want after that. But you broke that promise! It wasn't just that, you got embroiled in a controversy that nearly destroyed your life. Why, Yuka? What is it that you truly want? Did I go wrong somewhere in raising you?" Mom's voice quivered with emotion as she spoke.

“No, mom! This is my wrong! I am the one who broke that promise! That’s why I come here today.”

“Do you think I feel happy to see you in this state?”

“What do you mean mom?”

"Which mother would feel joy in seeing her child kneel before her? The reason I didn't answer your calls was because I wanted you to come to me on your own. But you never did, and I began to wonder if you were happier without me. Yet, here I am, still waiting for you," mom said while wiping her tears.

Tears flowing down from my eyes. What should I suppose to say now? Mom waiting for me all of this time but me? Just thinking mom will scold me and start to hate me. Really. What a bad daughter I am. In this moment, this thought just crossed my mind. I stand up and make my way toward mom. I hugged her. I feel surprised with my own actions, but this is what I want to do.

“Mom, I am sorry for what I have done to you! And I love you mom!”

Then, mom pulled me and hugged me while saying, “It’s okay, Yuka. Thank you for coming back.”

This warmness, it’s been long time I don’t feel it. I feel so comfortable. I think this happened to me before when I started playing guitar. I still remember mom’s face at that time and now mom showing the same expression.

After confession session were done, mom ask me, “What are you going to do after this?”

“I am still thinking about that.”

I still don’t know my direction after retiring from the music industry.

“Why don’t you continue singing again?”

Mom’s suggestion makes me speechless.

“I thought mom will oppose me singing again.”

“After I listen to your latest song, I think maybe that is your call. It reminds me about your old song before.”

What mom said made me think twice about stopping singing.

“Should I singing again, mom?”

“Of course! If you do it in the right way. By the way, there some staff here know about you is my daughter.”

This reminds me of the conversation at receptionist table earlier.

“I had met with one of them already, mom.”

“Really? Sorry Yuka but can we talk again at another time? I have an appointment with a patient after this.”

“Alright mom!”

After I wish mom luck, I go out from room.

“Yuka, what are you doing here?”

I think I have heard this voice before. When I turn my head toward the source of voice, there is a woman who I know very well.

“Yui?!”