Nine novel flex: Cringe's poor attempt at surpassing Shiruka

"Shiruka, the infamous bastard is gone! That means the editor's prized company is in need of a new star. Ever since the great fallout between Shiruka and the editor, things have gone to shit. The editor went to jail, though that was cause he overworked us like slaves. Shiruka murdered that cute weather girl I never really cared about, but I hate that bastard so now I like the weather girl.

I also hate Fumiyo because she thinks I'm a fat scrawny gremlin that just starts flame wars on online forums. And what's wrong with that huh!? Plus she keeps claiming Shiruka was actually murdered and it was only made to look like he killed himself after murdering the weather girl. Well to that I say, that angry news guy said Shiruka's an asshole. Case closed!

Now it is time for the great Cringe to make his mark! All I have to do is write more than that shit, Shiruka ever could. I'll call my work, Nine novel flex! Yes, nine novels all in one! A massive book! Nay, an entire movie franchise deal all in one! My life's work is at hand!" an obese man with scrawny arms and a hideous bowl cut laughed as he typed furiously on his keyboard.

The man was known as Cringe, Shiruka's self proclaimed rival and avid online flame war blogger. He had only recently joined the company after claiming to be the next Shiruka. Luckily for him, the editor was arrested before he could see just how bad he truly was.

2 years later...

The editor walked out of prison.

"Now don't go abusing anymore workers," the warden called out.

"Yes, yes," the editor grumbled.

He had originally been given a 5 year sentence, but got out 3 years early on good behavior. It was now March, 2002. Things had mostly quieted down regarding Shiruka, however, the editor's company was now in the red, primarily due to the Vice CEO's poor business decisions. Cringe's ego also played a role as he would constantly start drama with anyone that pissed him off. The fact that he was calling himself, "the author better than Shiruka" but was only using his office space to start online flame wars instead of working on his so-called novel, only made things worse. Of the contracted authors, Fumiyo hated Cringe the most. Everything Cringe did and said angered Fumiyo to no end. Cringe also hated Fumiyo for being Shiruka's number 1 fan. This led to Fumiyo and many other authors leaving the company en masse. Fumiyo was able to find success thanks to the manga she had made with Shiruka. The Vice CEO attempted to sue for copyright infringement, but completely lost, contributing the the Shonen editor's financial woes.

                                                                             ...

"DONE!" Cringe shouted as he gazed at his computer screen.

He then printed everything out, put it in a cart, and brought them before the editor.

"And the hell have you been doing? I get released from prison only to find out the company's in the red? I thought you said you were the next Shiruka! So why haven't you done shit for two years!?" the editor shouted.

"But I have, I started 385,703 flame wars online and completed my new novel, Nine novel flex!" Cringe said as he attempted to flex his nonexistent muscles.

"Oh, I'll take it. If its anything like Shiruka's work we can market that shit to high hell. So is this it? It looks like a lot though."

"Cuz it's nine novels in one! I spent these past two years making this exclusively, don't worry, I took time out of my day to start flame wars at least once a week."

"Why are you obsessed with something so stupid?"

"Cuz I like insulting people online, and watching them get angry and miserable. It makes me feel all fuzzy inside. Plus my account gets cool badges the more I do on the site!"

The editor gave Cringe a look of pure disgust before reading the manuscripts.

"And what is this? Is this a novel or a script!?" the editor growled.

"For reference, I based the grand plot off the flame wars I started. I even copy pasted the chat logs," Cringe giggled with glee.

"LIKE HELL WE'RE GONNA PUBLISH THIS! I JUST GOT OUT OF JAIL DAMMIT! SELF PUBLISH YOUR OWN CRIME LOG YOU IDIOT!"

"Can I just turn this exchange into a novel like Shiruka did, and copy paste the name from my novel?"

"Yes, so long as you sign an agreement I'm about to have my lawyer draft."

After some massive edits, Cringe's novel was published, and was ravaged by critics for being a poor imitation of Shiruka's work. Though like Shiruka, Cringe sought to get the original idea for his novel published. Considering he spent 2 years making it, he truly wanted to have it out in the world. He secretly snuck into the building and printed his original Nine novel flex work. The final product ended up being a foot thick. Cringe couldn't even hold the book on his own and had to get it on a pulley cart in order to take it to a bookstore.

There, he simply left the book at the front door and watched from afar as the bookstore employee came and saw it. The employee shrugged, unlocked the shop, and brought the book inside. Due to working all night on printing the novel, Cringe didn't proofread. Had he, he would have realized he didn't put his name anywhere on the cover or in the book. Ironically, this ended up preventing him from being outright arrested. As for how the book was received, the critics who read it called it a "disgusting glorification of cyberbullying." The police confiscated the book and began an investigation into it's origin and if it truly was pure fiction. A few days later, Shiruka returned with a proposal.

"They loved my autobiography! Now that I've flexed on Shitty Shiruka, let me write TV dramas for you."

"NO! I'm ceasing publication of the crap you shat on paper. Nobody liked it, and I was even questioned by police the other day regarding it's contents. Like hell I'm going back to jail just for you!" the editor shouted.

"Give me a trial, I'll give you something that's completely fantasy based! If you like it, will you let me write Yowie Hunt season 2?"

"Season 2? Hmm, you actually have a good idea. The controversy surrounding Shiruka seems to have died down, and there is a good chunk of people that enjoyed Yowie Hunt. Alright, I'll have Fumiyo write it."

"HUH!?"

"I know it will probably get more erotic, but that might be my ticket for getting this company back in the green."

"Um sir, Fumiyo left the company while you were in prison. She's also published her own BL manga featuring a yowie," an aide sighed.

"What!? I thought that was our work! And when the hell did that bitch learn to draw?"

"Apparently, Shiruka drew it before the incident, or so she claims."

"Well sue em for copyright infringement!"

"We did, and we lost. That's what the vice CEO did in your place."

"Well now I'm even happier that I fired him just now."

"The writer's spot's opened right?" Cringe asked.

"*Sigh* YES! There will be auditions. Whoever writes a script that could be turned into a profitable long running series will win the prize of being able to write season 2 of Yowie Hunt," the editor groaned.