To Move Forward

I sank deeper into my seat when Asteron finished his tale. I almost wiped my eyes which had gotten slightly diluted with water, but remembered the metal gauntlets that engulfed each of my hands.

I was in his home now. His father was reading a story to his brother who was far too old for it, but they both had bright, untarnished smiles that made them seem more than corpses. His mother was in the other room, cleaning the already spotless house. She attempted to cook earlier, but her decrepit hands could hardly hold the pot. Asteron ignored the sound of the metal hitting the ground as if it had happened many many times before.

He sat in a chair across from me with a solemn look in his eye as he gazed at his bandaged hands, “I never knew that the gods who take compensation from someone even if they didn't fulfill the wish…”

“Yes, the gods do always expect compensation, no matter what,” I said firmly. “No miracle can be free of cost.”

One of his eyes bulged, “Y-you call this a miracle? No, this is nothing more than a curse with a price I never wanted to pay!”

He looked back down at his bandaged arms which made me ask the question that had been swarming around in my mind for a bit.

“Did the goddess take something else from your hands as well? Something besides the skin?”

He firmly nodded and let out a sigh before trying to catch his breath. “I also lost the ability to control my ancient magic. If I touch anything that is alive, they will die…”

“Ah, so that is why you haven't left this city after all this time?”

His darting eyes locked with mine once more, giving him no room to weasel out of it. He put his hands up in resignation and continued. “That is part of the reason, but also, I don’t want to get hurt again or hurt others again. If I stay here, I won't be a pawn for the demons or the gods. Here I can just be me…”

I pursed my lips and stood up. I had a sinking feeling after hearing his story that his anger and rage were misguided, I only needed to show him that.

“You say that the gods are the reason for your plight, but is that really the case?”

“...What do you mean?”

I looked down at him, sadness and pity in my eyes. “You spite Lumina despite the fact that she gave you a chance to see your family and the people you executed once more. Very few in live get anything close to a second chance.”

“...”

“You say it's a curse, but it really is not like that, is it?”

“I-It’s not l-like that! The gods—”

“The gods gave you a chance to make up for your sins, even if it is only in a half-baked way. The dark gods may be evil, but it wasn't them that branded your family and the people you killed as heretics, it was you and the Lord of Calamity.”

“I-I…”

“You didn’t even try to save your family. You only took one of the two choices and chose the one that would cause them the least pain. Did you happen to think that maybe the three of you could have escaped from Eternal if you put your wish into that instead of one that was full of regret and anguish?”

My voice was a lot louder than I was used to, but when it came to the gods, I was nothing but a passionate woman. This demon was full of pity, self-loathing, and acceptance that he would never be able to do anything good again.

The man known as Asteron sunk down in his seat, trying to contain his anger and sorrow. It would not be long before he burst like a dam.

“Y-you don’t know w-what it was li...like. I didn’t have a ch-choice! You...don’t know what it's like to be alone for so long, doing only what is best for those around you, even though you have your own desires! Your own dreams!”

This time he lashed back at me, at last revealing the truth that he never answered all those years ago. He never wanted to be a soldier or help his family out of poverty. He just wanted to live his life in peace. However…

“I do know what it's like! For my entire life, I have been looked down on by those around me because of my birth as well as my gender. No one had any faith in me! All they wanted me to do was sire the next generation, not once caring for my own dreams or desires! We are not as different as you might presume. The only difference between us is that I actually tried to change my situation even if it defied the expectation of those around me.”

“Erg...”

I pumped a fist as I moved closer to him, continuing the release of the floodgate that was my heart. I inched closer and closer to Asteron who did nothing but quiver in his chair like a panicked child.

“I was weak so I spent years honing my strength and skill. Those around me sneered at me for my path and my choices but I shook them off like a weak breeze. It is true that I love my family, but I don’t need to give my life to them. I owe them many things, but I will never owe them for bringing me into this world. It's your life... It's my life. Don’t live for others anymore, even with your regrets and sins, don’t force yourself to deceive yourself in this facsimile of a happy existence.”

I gave him an outstretched arm and then another, gauntlets off, and smiled. “Everyone deserves to be happy, no matter how much pain they suffer or how much pain they inflict on others. You may be far older than me, but you are far more foolish to believe that failure means your life is over, that you must live with your screwups and nothing can change that. You lack the desire to change, to prosper, to break free from the chains of a frozen world. You don’t need to do that. You don’t need to hate yourself or the gods that tried to help. Suppose you need someone to hate, hate the Eternal that usurped you from your docile life. If you need someone to blame, blame the You in the past—the one that couldn't think of another solution and gave up without exhausting all options. The You that never voiced your honest opinion, to your family nor the Lord of Calamity who ruined you. And…”

My voice was quiet now, nearly a whisper as I hung my head right above his own while I leaned in.

“...And if you need someone to love, then love yourself and the special someone that you may someday find once you leave this despondent paradise.”

“W-what are you doing? I told you I can’t touch any...one?”

“Another lie I will crush. Like your feelings, I'll change your warped perception as well!”

I embraced his body, pulling him up on his feet and giving him the first touch of a living creature for who knows how long. Just like when Komoria grieved, I gave him my heart, hoping to heal his own. I did my best to transfer all the warmth in my body to this cold, cold man.

He looked up at me, with tears, and said: “You're...not...dying? What…? W-why....?”

“I possess no mana to use magic Skills, therefore there is nothing for you to take from me.”

His eyes grew wide at my statement, but my first grasp gave him the truth that my words spoke. I was someone that he could touch. I was someone that he could talk to. I could even be someone he could l….. What am I saying? Had his madness rubbed off on me?

His tears ran down my cheek as he let out an ugly cry that was full of passion, sorrow, regret, hatred, and self-loathing. It was a cry I would never forget as long as I lived.

He brought his face near my ear and whispered one quick sentence. One he had probably never said in all his life.

“Thank...you.”

———————————————————————————————————————————

Some time went by after that. I convinced Asteron to leave this town that has only brought him regret and suffering and travel the world to find a new meaning in his life. He kept his eyes towards me when I said that with a longing gaze, but I paid it no mind. Our objectives were separate, but perhaps in the future…

Anyways, Raze and Fione both met up with me at the gate of town, each of them with a groggy look and messy long hair.

“So nothing happened while we were asleep? That demon looks pretty fishy. I could just bu—”

“That’s not required. The lord of this town has saved our lives and has been kind enough to provide us with a more accurate map of Amon.”

“If he's the lord, why does he have a backpack on and is walking towards us?” Fione asked with a puzzled look. “For a red demon to be all the way out here…”

I put a lid on her question for now while I set my focus on the approaching man.

“I see you are ready to go. I cannot thank you enough for saving us and providing us with this map.”

“It was the least I could do, ha-ha,  though it may be a bit outdated,” Asteron smiled fully for the first we met and shrugged. “I just hope we can meet again.”

Raze and Fione’s dead eyes bore into me from each side. The heat of their stares was so intense that I thought I would melt.

Fione put a hand on my shoulder and said, “When we're out of here and bored out of our minds from walking in the sand again, you are going to tell us everything, ‘kay?”

Her hand clamped harder on my shoulder as closed eyes and a pleasant smile gave me the exact opposite feeling that it should have. She was speaking a lot less reserved as well. Perhaps Raze had rubbed off on her as he had with me. 

“Y-yea, of course!” I puffed out my chest and took one last look at Asteron. “Until we meet again.”

“Until we meet again,” he parroted, before walking past us and departing out of his city of loss and hatred. There was a pep in his step that I had seldom seen in my life. 

“Yuck! Get a fucking room. Watching all of this is killing me because...it is so adorable! You should totally go after hi— Fuck! Shut up!”

Raze smashed a fist into his stomach and doubled over, wheezing. 

“Cough, cough… Let’s just leave...please.”

Raze massaged his temples, which reminded me a lot of Komoria, his cheeks flushed and his eyes full of anger. We didn’t have much time left until their fusion was complete.

I took one last look at the undead, infested city and turned back towards my comrades.

“Let’s let the people of The Paradise of the Dead finally rest.”

————————————————————————————————————————————

I twirled the thought round and round in my head since I finished comforting Asteron. Was it fine to simply leave these walking corpses to their own devices or would it be better to let them finally rest in peace?

Asteron said he could not make the decision in the thirty years he spent here with them. He told me to please choose, pushing his burden onto me.

I didn’t mind it, but I wasn’t sure which one to follow through with. I asked both Raze and Fione what they thought after telling them his tale outside of the town. Raze had nearly fallen asleep, but Fione was in tears.

“Sniffle, sniffle...T-that’s terrible...that poor demon. I take back...sniffle….what I said.”

She casually wiped her nose with Raze’s sleeve which ticked him off to the end of the earth. I’m sure Komoria would have felt the same way.

“You little shit! Were you raised in a goddamn barn!”

“You know how I was raised when I gave you my divine introduction. What kind of question is that?”

She tilted her head and put a finger to her cheek with an adorable smile, keeping only one eye open when she looked at the one she had enraged.

“This is no time to get technical! I’ve never been opposed to hurting stupid bitches and I won’t start now!”

“That is true...mhmm,” I said with a matter-of-fact tone. “Raze and I duked it out when we first met and I heard he used to throw Komoria into hordes of enemies as bait.”

Raze reared his head back and scowled, “Don’t go blurting out my trade secrets when this stalker princess is right here!”

Fione dropped the act and formed an unsettling frown. “S-stalker? N-no, I was watching over you… You are so fascinating”

She tried to plead her case, but her eyes betrayed her. She couldn't make eye contact with Raze, not even once.

He jabbed a finger towards the accused, his body temperature increasing. “No, you are a stalker. You know far more than I have ever told you or Lyra. I’m starting to think you got caught by those guys on purpose. With your power, it is surely possible!:

Raze pointed to her grey eye, which granted her the power to view the past. He did have a convincing point.

I expected Fione to break down in tears and beg for forgiveness, but it didn’t go like that at all.

Her frown did a 180 and grew even larger as she formed a seductive smile.

“Ha-ha! That’s my Raze; you’re so smart! That’s one of the reasons I wish for you to be my husband. What do you say? How about we free you, I take care of the other two, and we—”

“Time out,” I made a cross with my hands. “The reason we have not left this place yet is because I want to know if we should let it be or set it ablaze.”

The two of them put their squabble and possible talk of murder and betrayal to face me. Fione sunk into deep thought while Raze stuck his pinky finger into his ear and started digging.

“Eh? Those things were zombies, right? It seems fine to torch them.”

“I’m not so sure… This Lyra claimed that they kept their core values and continued their day-to-day lives...though I would love to agree with you Raze…”

Each of them had the opposite view of what we should do. I didn’t expect it to come to this, but it meant that I would have to be the tiebreaker.”

“Ugh...I have no idea...what to do,” I wiped the sweat from my brow, trying to make sense of all this. “If only there were someone else I could ask…”

That’s right! There is one. Candlemaker!

I know you wish for an answer from me...but sleeping was so niiice.

I really need another opinion. It is not something I can make on my own…

Very well. We now share the same fate and I will need your assistance down the line to acquire lots of fear. My answer is—