Shocked by a fist from the north

As we journeyed on, I noticed something buried in the dirt. Normally, I wouldn't bother digging up some garbage, but the object buried in the dirt appeared to be a pistol. That could be very useful. As I went to grab it, a giant silverback gorilla suddenly landed in front of me.

"WATAA!" he shouted.

I instinctively leaped backwards as he charged at me and Dumbee. He then began gently and playfully poking Dumbee, all while screaming, "WATATATATATATATATA!"

Then, the bastard groped me. I smacked the shit out of that damn ape. However, the large bastard just stood up and struck a pose.

"[Omae wa mo shinderu]," he said.

"Wha-"

*BOOM*

*Maddie lost 111 brain cells to revive herself and Dumbee*

"What the hell just happened!?" I screamed aloud.

I must have died, judging by the massive pool of blood the gorilla was dancing in.

"I AM SHOCK!" the gorilla shouted.

"Crikey mate, never seen a gorilla out here. I heard they only lived in Madagascar," Dumbee smiled as he attempted to head back to Shock.

"Don't go brother. Shock's my blood brother, brother," a male voice rang out.

We turned to see a buff shirtless cowboy snacking on a jerky stick.

"Name's Slim brother! Wanna try my Slim beef's?" he asked as he offered us some jerky sticks.

"No. Know how I can get the gun?" I asked.

"Only way to get the gun is to escape the deathmatch with brother Shock, brother. No way you'd beat him, girl. He'd hit your pressure points and make ya explode, brother."

"You know, you don't need it. Though I guess it would be helpful to have. I'll even give it unlimited ammo if you get it," Ri-chan chuckled as she suddenly appeared.

"Whoa brother, why's there a spider lady, brother?" Slim asked.

"I'm here for some candy. Which one of you two hunks can flex harder?"

"Flex? I flex every day, brother!" Slim smiled as his muscles enlarged.

"Crikey mate! I can make myself look like a frilled lizard," Dumbee smiled as he flexed, causing his shirt to rip off and expose his swole hairy chest.

*Maddie gained 110 brain cells*

"Why the hell did I gain brain cells for seeing that!?"

"Um, duh, they're too hot hunks ready to get yaoi," Ri-chan chuckled.

Dumbee and Slim then began smearing oil all over their chests before doing squats and flexes. Shock then came over and got in on it too.

"The gorilla's kinda hunky too. Wanna gain some more-"

"No," I glared at Ri-chan.

Though actually, yes I do wanna gain some more, but not by watching two shirtless guys and a gorilla.

I immediately sprinted for the gun and grabbed it.

"Oh, not bad girl," Ri-chan cooed.

*Maddie gained 110 brain cells*

"Ore wa ketsu ga daisuki desu," a voice rang out.

The furball had caught up.

"You're ass is so dead for-"

*Bang*

"HEY! Don't cut me off before I get my insults in bitch!" Shitty Sal fumed as he desperately ran for cover.

"You cannot beat the great Ketsuketsu with mere ballistics. He is invincible!" Lime green bodysuit guy declared.

"Let's test it," I glared.

It was time to put that self defense training to use.

I quickly cartwheeled out of the way of Shitty Sal's attack and kicked him in the side of the neck. I then karate chopped the guy in the bodysuit. Glad I remember all the pressure points from anatomy. Now it was furball's turn. I blasted him in the face, though sadly all it did was knock him down to the ground and give him a dent in his head. He rolled around on the ground in pain as I punted him towards a large rocky mountain. It looked almost like a volcano, but I know better than to assume that this is a volcano in Australia.

"Oh yeah, I thought I should mention, that's a pellet gun so it can't instakill very easily. Though the ammo's still unlimited," Ri-chan sneered.

Well that explains why the furball isn't dead. Well, I guess it will still have some use.

"WATAA!"

Suddenly Shock came charging back towards me. Guess he was no longer distracted. Whatever, I just blasted him in the face. It seemed to work as he let out a cry before falling to the ground unconscious. As I prepared to finish him off, a teary eyed Slim suddenly blocked me.

"No! Brother why!? He was my brother! It's all my fault brother, I should have been helping instead of flexing!" Slim cried as he hoisted Shock over his shoulders.

"I don't think he's dead yet-"

"I don't wanna live if you're not here brother, I've been disgraced, and there's only one thing to do!"

"Really fucked up now," Shitty Sal groaned as he, the bodysuit guy, and the furball all got up and glared at me.

"Hold the bloodlust for a moment boys. Let Slim have his moment," Ri-chan somberly glared.

The three hung their heads as Slim carried Shock to the rocky mountain I punted the furball towards. He stood at the top and stepped on a switch that looked like a stone. Then before my eyes, lava started to spew out of the mountain Slim was standing on as rock music began to play.

"Well brother, we're going to hell. As for you girl, fuck you!" Slim smiled as he raised his fist in the air and took a bite of his jerky stick.

Lava then poured out and encased the two in molten rock. When the magma eased up, The molten corpse statues of Slim standing tall with Shock drooped over his shoulder stood proud atop the mountain. The idiot trio gave the two a salute as tears rolled down their faces. Oddly enough, the switch that triggered the whole thing reappeared.

"Let's go Dumbee. While the spider has those three under control- HUH!?"

Dumbee suddenly picked me up and princess carried me to the top of the mountain.

"That looked like fun mate. Let's try it!" Dumbee smiled as he stepped on the switch.

The ground began to shake as the rock music started playing again. The magma once again bubbled up as I desperately tried to break free of the idiot's grasp.

"WE'RE GONNA GET FRIED YOU IDIOT!"

I had the smarts to survive this place, the only problem was that I was stuck babysitting an idiot. An idiot that was about to get me encased in molten lava! My eyes only grew wider and my screams louder as the lava grew closer and closer to my face all while that imbecile stood and smiled like an idiot...

*SPLASH*

The molten corpse statues of Dumbee holding Maddie in his arms stood tall atop the mountain next to the ones of Slim and Shock. Then the volcano erupted incinerating all the statues to nothingness.

*Maddie lost 111 brain cells to revive herself and Dumbee*

"Well, at least we respawned FAR away from that hellhole!" I shouted as I felt my face.

Luckily, I seemed to be fine and my clothes were as well. Dumbee's shirt was back now so I didn't have to look at his hairy chest anymore. We really did spawn far away, luckily it was in the direction we were headed.

"That was piping hot mate, the hottest I've ever felt out here," Dumbee smiled.

"Oh, maybe because we were burned to death, BY FRICKING LAVA!"

*Maddie lost 1981 brain cells*

I hate that idiot.