Majide!

As we continued onward, we came across an Englishman in an explorer's outfit.

"By jove, is that you Dumbee?" the man asked as he adjusted his monocle.

"Rightee-o mate," Dumbee smiled.

"And you are?" I asked.

"I am Sir Monty Worthsworth. I'm here because I'm exploring. In my travels, I actually found quite the intriguing find. It appears that there is a crazy cult inhabiting these lands," the man stated.

"Cult huh?"

"Yes, they specialize in the most fiendish of tortures. A brave soldier of mine managed to snag this photograph of them.

I unamusingly stared at the photograph. It was literally just some men in red cardinal robes. They looked like idiots.

"Do you recognize them?" Sir Worthsworth asked.

"No clue mate, never seen em," Dumbee smiled.

"I believe they are cardinals," I glared.

"Cardinals? Those aren't birds mate," Dumbee laughed.

*Maddie lost 3 brain cells*

"Cardinals? Well I certainly wasn't expecting that. They must be the British Inquisitors," Sir Worthsworth stated.

Suddenly, the three cardinals from the photograph jumped out of the bushes.

"NO one was expecting the British inquisitors! The leader proclaimed.

"British inquisitors? Get lost," I growled.

"NAY! We must punish thee for hearsay! Unlike the bumbling Spanish trio, WE are far ore vicious in our torture. Hang her on the laundry rack!"

I suddenly found myself crucified... on a clothesline.

As for the idiot Dumbee, he was chatting away with that Englishman, who seemed very intent on having a long drawn out conversation with Dumbee regarding Vegemite.

"NOW then, WE shall begin the torture. Bring out the iron maiden!" the lead inquisitor ordered.

A punk woman with an electric guitar suddenly appeared.

"Now gentlemen, put in your earplugs," the leader ordered.

The woman then began singing heavy metal. Ugh, my ears hurt like hell listening to her horrible singing. Then to my surprise, three cheerleaders suddenly appeared and subdued the inquisitors and the iron maiden.

"Who are you?" I asked as they freed me.

"We're like, totally secret agents," one said.

"We make the impossible, totally possible," the other said.

"Hey look girls, they got enough bandages here to mummify all three of us, the third giddily exclaimed.

"AHA! So you wish to be tortured! VERY well!" the lead inquisitor stated as he and his men began mummifying the cheerleaders, much to the cheerleader's apparent pleasure.

As they moaned in bliss, I ran away. In my escape, I made sure to drag Dumbee with me.

"Just a moment! I wasn't finished distracting him yet!" Sir Worthsworth yelled.

                                                                            ...

As we walked some more, we came across a scrawny man wearing sunglasses and a wrestling uniform. The most striking thing about him though was the large silver afro he had.

"Crikey, never seen you before mate," Dumbee smiled.

"Hmph! I'm Dododo-do Do-dodo!" the man proclaimed.

"Ore wa ketsu ga daisuki desu," the furball's voice rang out.

I groaned and turned to see him, his goons, and a creepy bald guy with piano key teeth.

"You're fucked now bitch! Ketsuketsu got Creepy Craig to come shave you balder than a naked mole rat!" Shitty Sal jeered.

"Yes, I am a VERY bad boy," the bald man creepily smiled.

"BALD you say!? Unacceptable! I am the enemy of all things bald! I shall defeat you!" Dododo-do Do-dodo declared.

"And how, might I ask? Hmm, I think I'll be bad and give that fluffy silver afro a nice trim," Creepy Craig smiled as he pulled out some hair clippers.

"[MAJIDE]!" Dododo-do Do-dodo yelled as he pulled out a tissue box and held it menacingly.

Everyone stared in confusion.

"Huh!? Why you saying Majide? We're in Australia not Japan!" Shitty Sal jeered as he smacked Dododo-do Do-dodo in the face with his paddle.

Dododo-do Do-dodo fell to the ground and Shitty Sal began smacking his ass with the paddle. Lime green bodysuit guy also got in on the fun. Ketsuketsu chugged some juice from a juice box before joining in on the ass beating.

"It seems he's out of commission. Well, before I trim him, you young lady are in dire need of complete and total hair removal," Creepy Craig grinned as he whipped open his coat revealing an assortment of hair removal tools.

"Razors, shaving cream, hot wax, and tweezers. I've even acquired a brand of nair that is said to permanently destroy hair follicles. Rest assured, your head shall have the premium pleasure of experiencing them all first hand. I'll even do your pretty face as well."

"Um, no," I glared as I pulled out my gun and fired.

"How bad," Creepy Craig smiled as he bent over backwards to dodge.

Great, this guy's got reflexes.

As I began to contemplate my next move, Dododo-do Do-dodo's afro suddenly popped open like a party ball. A tiny man with a pompadour emerged and marched towards Creepy Craig. Creepy Craig couldn't help himself and drove his hairclippers right up the middle of the midget's pompadour.

"How bad. Don't worry. You'll still be very delinquent-esque after I've shaved your head and eyebrows," Creepy Craig creepily grinned.

"THE FUCK YOU JUST DO TO MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!?" the midget roared as he leapt towards Creepy Craig and punched him in the face.

"OUCH! Wh- What force! How!? How can those brass knuckles you have on hurt so much!?"

"These aren't brass knuckles, they're DIAMOND knuckles!"

Creepy Craig screamed in terror as the midget began pummeling him.

"DODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODO!"

Creepy Craig's pulverized corpse went flying and landed in the back of a nomad's junk truck that just happened to be passing by. The angry midget then turned to the furball and his goons. The three immediately ran off as the midget chased after them.

"This guy's not moving," Dumbee said as he poked Dododo-do Do-dodo with a stick.

"He's probably dead you idiot," I glared.

"But the note inside his tissue box says he's not" Dumbee stated as he pulled a tissue out of the tissue box the guy had been carrying.

It read, "I'm not dead, unless the midget living in my afro left me. Then I have have no one to control me since I'm just his robot mech suit."

*Maddie lost 7 brain cells*

"We're leaving. Let's GO!" I growled as I began dragging Dumbee away by the scruff of his neck. We'd better find that damn yowie quickly.