Drowning among stars

It was a peaceful summer evening.

The sky clear, with a full moon.

The sound of cicadas heard in the background.

And a soft, refreshing wind.

I never expected this night to be the beginning of my end.

I went to my sister's room to borrow something.

She wasn’t there, so I thought she probably hadn’t come home yet.

Hours passed.

The wind gently hit the wind chime, creating beautiful sounds.

It was already late, and my sister still hasn’t returned.

I started to worry and decided to look for her.

I went to all her favorite places, but couldn’t find her anywhere.

As I went to the last possible spots I could think of, I tell her.

Her sandals left on the sand.

The light of the moon reflected in her dress as she stood in the ocean.

I called for her.

She turned around with tears in her eyes.

I always knew my sister had problems, but I felt that this time it was different.

“What’s wrong?”

Silence.

Only the sound of waves and cicadas could be heard until she finally spoke.

“I always come to this place when I feel tired of life.”

She looked up at the moon.

“Usually, the calmness of the ocean soothes me. But this time even that couldn’t help.”

“I’m sure there’s something we can do...”, I said, trying to comfort her.

She shaked her head.

“No.”

She looked up.

“He’s already here.”

“Who?”

“Thanatos.”

That was the moment I realized she was ruled by the god of death.

She looked deep into my eyes with tears falling down her cheeks.

“Goodbye.”

It was the last word I heard before she vanished into the ocean.

A year passed.

Yet I still feel guilt for not being able to change the past.

I tried saving her.

Every single day, I blamed myself.

Thinking, what would’ve happened if I did something different?

If I managed to save her?

If I came there earlier?

I was sitting on her bed, hugging the pillow.

Barely able to see anything from behind the wall of tears in my eyes.

“I should've spent more time with her…”, I thought.

With every single day, grief was eating me up alive.

I started seeing her in my dreams.

The scene of her walking into the ocean replayed over and over again.

Almost as if I were reliving the moment again and again.

I could vividly see her standing there, looking at me.

I could see the sky mirrored in the ocean.

I could feel the wind hitting my face and the scent of the beach.

I could hear her voice, “Come with me, sister.”

I knew she didn’t try to put me into this.

But in my dreams, it was like she wanted us to end it together.

Not long after my dreams started, I began to hear her voice while awake.

I thought I was going crazy, but I could distinctly hear her whispering into my ear.

“Join me, sister. It’s lonely without you.”

I couldn’t understand anything.

My sister wasn’t the type of person to lure people into suicide.

Even if she did feel lonely, she would never be selfish enough to convince someone to commit.

So why did I keep hearing it?

I blamed my guilt, thinking it was my conscience.

As I went to sleep and fell into the land of dreams, I saw her again.

The scene replayed once again, but this time it was different.

She said, “Come here.”

As I woke up, I realized that maybe I should go to the beach again.

It was almost exactly like that day.

A warm summer night, with a soft breeze and cicadas singing.

The sky was as clear as ever, letting the moon shine among the stars.

I walked down the beach, feeling the soft sand on my feet.

As I looked up, my eyes widened.

It was my sister, standing there in the ocean.

Just like the day she died.

Her dress and hair swaying in the wind.

Her tears glistening in the moonlight, fell down and becoming one with the ocean.

“You came.”, she said, without looking at me.

“I did.”

I observed her.

She looked so calm, yet depressed.

A peaceful yet gloomy sight.

“Why did you call for me?”, I asked.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?”

The moment she said these words, I understood everything.

I was so tied up in my grief that I started to feel tired of life myself.

It wasn’t my sister who was calling for me, wanting me to end my life.

It was I who was ready to leave this world, seeing Thanatos in the form of my sister.

I took off my shoes and took her hand as I stepped into the water.

It felt so nice, almost as if the ocean was an extension of the sky.

The stars were surrounding me as I took the last steps of my life.