Life and Death

The desire for death, Thanatos, was the desire for departure. The desire for life, Eros, was the desire for settlement.

Eros looked at the two lovers of Thanatos. It was strange. The two were always governed by Thanatos, yet Eros constantly nagged and tugged, desiring for them to stay, for them to look at the beauty of life for just a single second.

It existed as his coworker, dragging each other through all-nighters and izakayas. It existed as her sister, playfully squeezing her cold cheeks into a pout. It existed as the passerby who greeted him every day at 8 in the morning. It existed as a plushie on her bed, being embraced by what little warmth remained in her body every night after 11.

And yet they loved Thanatos. They loved each other. They loved departure. And yet they lacked the desire to continue to love.

Their lives were avoidant of Eros from the very beginning.

He tried to run away from Thanatos. He was like a tsundere, refusing to accept the true feelings in his heart until the final moment. And yet he lacked a commitment to Eros as well. He was essentially a husk, living for the sake of living, running away from Death even as that was his calling.

She always wanted to marry Thanatos. To be united with Death was her wish. She kept chasing after it, begging to fall into the eternal darkness. She had no need of Eros, but she always pulled herself back one step before the ring of Thanatos slipped into her finger.

In a strange sense, they both had a desire for life however futile, however temporary. They both danced with Eros, even as their mind wandered off to Thanatos.

It was Eros that kept them away from Thanatos until that night.

Eros was jealous. Thanatos only offered a moment of solace before all ended, a spark of satisfaction before all turned to darkness. Eros was loyal, pouring out everything, filling everyone’s lives with colour and spectacle. Yet everyone, no matter how loving for Eros, would eventually go to Thanatos, desiring for departure from the boredom of colour and excitement, wishing instead for an exciting, swift end.

Eros ruled nearly the entire world, but the entire world would eventually bow down to the rule of Thanatos. It was an unbreakable rule. The desire for death would eventually surpass the desire for life.

The two lovers had desired Death their entire lives.

It wasn’t fair.

Eros looked at the lovers, their eyes longing for Thanatos while Eros stood right in front of them. He snuck glances at Eros every now and then, but his heart had never been in Eros. She only sought for Thanatos.

The vibrancy of life was boring to them.

Like in a marriage ceremony, the two gave their vows to Thanatos:

‘I just wanna die!’

‘I wanna die too!’

They had finally completely rejected Eros. What lie of a dance they had with Eros had finished. The music subsided, the ballroom silent, and all that was left… was Eros itself.

Could Eros even exist without Eros?

The two lovers ran off into the night sky as they finally fell into the embrace of Thanatos. Eros was fading away. It could no longer exist. In a sense, Eros was running off to Thanatos as well, departing for Death. When the desire for life died, it still followed the lovers to Death.

Such a hopeless romantic.

A moment of darkness. Thanatos absorbed them. It absorbed Eros. For a moment, all of them were united as one, filled not only with the desire for death, but Death itself.

But without life, how could one desire death?

Thanatos was fading away as well. It loosened its embrace, for there was nothing left to embrace. The lovers desired death. They received death. Death received them. And now, without that desire, even Death was dying.

Death desired death. An endless cycle as Thanatos repeatedly embraced and consumed itself. Yet in the effort to desire and maintain death, Eros, the desire for life, was born again. For even Death desired life for itself, and from it, Eros could exist.

Eros and Thanatos. The desire for life, the desire for death. The desire for settlement, the desire for departure. They live with life, they die with death, and then would be reborn as the cycle repeated again.

The lovers had their wish. The world faded with them as they embraced Thanatos. Now there was Thanatos, and from it, Eros, but nothing else. Until the world was to eventually be reborn again.

Perhaps this was the solution. To desire both life and death, to endlessly consume and create each other in a perpetual, eternal cycle. Without life, there could be no death. Without death, there could be no life.

Such were Eros and Thanatos, one ruling over the desire for life, and the other ruling over the desire for death.