What Do I Want?

What do I want?

The rain is everywhere. It drips. It pounds. It makes the world feel small. And Nadia always feels small. But the soul in her arms is smaller. Which one did it? A sharp crack from her leg sends Nadia tumbling to the hard asphalt, making her lose the soul as she tries to stay upright.

No. Not now. You can shatter after you’ve fulfilled your purpose, not before! But her right leg doesn’t want to move. She looks over her shoulder and freezes. The crack didn’t come from her leg breaking. It came from the short sword, pinning it to the ground.

“Blaine.”

“I finally caught up to you… Was that him?” Nadia watches as Blaine, her first (friend?) Walks up to her, his eyes expressionless through his mask. Are mine any different?

“I thought you evacuated, Blaine. What are you doing?”

“I wanted to evacuate. I had three full buses of civilians to take care of. But then I realized you weren’t there and came to find you…” Blaine’s eyes drift to the soul before turning back to Nadia. “It was you this whole time, wasn’t it? The monsters. The way people just died where they stood… You’ve been using us this whole time.”

“You’re not supposed to be here, Blaine.” You two were the only ones I wanted to save. Blaine shrugs and pulls out his blaster.

“Why, Nadia? What’s the point of all this? What do you want?!”

“I don’t want anything. I’m a doll fulfilling her purpose. Nothing more… Please leave, Blaine. It’s not too late for you to turn around… You can still go home and be happy!”

Blaine shakes his head and points the blaster at Nadia. “And then what? You said you have a purpose, but if that’s all you cared about, then why did you save me that day? Why were you carrying his soul instead of using it to heal yourself? I was there. I watched you rip it out of his body when he died. So, what are you trying to do with it?!”

Nadia looks at the soul. The rain almost blends with its form, making it harder to see. But she knows that soft light is there. Waiting to be used. “I don’t know.”

“What?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing with it. He shouldn’t have been there. The monster wouldn’t kill me, but he jumped in front of me and died.” Nadia turned back to Blaine with a new hardness. A new sense that for a human would have been rage and pain. “He’s dead now. It doesn’t matter what I planned to do. He’s dead, and he’s not coming back. His soul is right there, but I’ll never hear or see him again, so what’s wrong with me holding on to him?!”

“Nadia…” The blaster shakes, steadies, then shakes again. Blaine growls and points the blaster at the sky as he screams. Nadia watches in silent fascination. I see… That’s what pain looks like.

“Blaine?” He looks at her and once again points the blaster at her head.

“You’re not even aware you’re doing it, are you? You poor kid. You have no idea what you’re doing!”

“What am I doing, Blaine?” What haven’t I done?

“Crying.”

“What?”

“Crying. You’re crying, Nadia. All this time. All this death… And you’re finally crying… Don’t you see what that means? You’re human, Nadia. You’re just like me and everyone else on this planet. You can call the monsters off right now and live however you want!”

“I’m a doll.”

“No.”

“I’m a doll who steals souls to bring my creator to this world.”

“Nadia—”

“I’m sorry. Dolls don’t feel pain.” The rain makes the hilt slippery, but Nadia pulls it out and swings in a single motion. Blaine’s eyes widen in shock as Nadia uses her magic to push his soul from his body. She catches it and watches the body drop. “I am sorry, Blaine… That was just the rain.”

His soul doesn’t answer. Nadia tucks it under her arm and quickly picks up the other one. “There we go. I’m sorry to you as well, Zack. You always hated being cold… You won’t have to worry about that anymore.”

The crack in her leg widens with every other step, but Nadia doesn’t feel it. Her creator is waiting, and dolls don’t get tired.