Chapter Nineteen - Friday III - コンパニオン AKA Companions (pt II)

❀

‘It’s not quite midday yet and now that we’ve got ourselves a working defence protocol, we can take our time with gathering up our escape resources, right?’ Renka asked, as the four women approached the hangar entrance.

‘Right. Is there something in particular that you want to start on today?’ Kasumi replied.

‘Food supplies. Looots of food supplies. Probably gonna be costly, but it is what it is. Did you get the pickup truck running again, Kitten?’

‘Uh, yeah. So, I guess we’re taking the boring approach for this side quest then?’ Hikari asked, with a slightly deflated tone.

‘I’m glad you understand. Boring though it may be, we don’t really wanna be wasting time on inefficiencies, like making extra trips or getting ourselves into unnecessary trouble because our vehicle has a HMG mounted to its roof.’

‘Cool, but I doubt that’d make much of a difference, whenever the trouble doesn’t find us, we always end up finding trouble... That said, I am kinda excited to see what mess this shopping trip will turn into. Aren’t you, Tsubaki?’ Hikari queried, with a playful smile and teasing glare.

‘No; just because I can protect myself from any energy-based attacks doesn’t mean I’m fine with getting shot at. I’m not used to it or toughened-up anywhere near as much as you three.’

‘Aww, don’t sound so down, Hon. Nobody’s perfect. If it helps, you can think of it as us living in the darkness so that you can remain in the light.’

‘Ugh; you almost made a good argument there and ruined it by being, well, you. Now please let go of me; I don’t see how hugging me contributes to anything. And you two can stop giggling as well. Why am I always the victim of the odd-one-out jokes?’

After loading their basic equipment into the load bed of the Hilux, the four women headed west, zigzagging around the national route.

‘I know you said we can take our time, Cap, but don’t Subaru’s batteries have a limited lifespan? I’m pretty sure I didn’t see her sporting any PV panels, so, surely we can’t take forever when we go out?’ Hikari asked, keeping her eyes fixed ahead of her.

‘An astute observation. Yeah; trying to fit photovoltaic panels would’ve been nice, but they’d have added on a bunch more work without enough benefit I think. To answer your question; her batteries should last for about six to eight hours, presuming she doesn’t get bored and waste her energy on chasing after something like puppies sometimes do, heh.’

‘Ah cool. Sooo, in the spirit of our earlier conversation about trouble always finding us, should we play a little game?’

‘Hmmm,’ Renka replied, turning to the truck’s driver and regarding her with eyes narrowed in curiosity. ‘What game have you got in mind?’

‘A simple wager; how long it’ll take for this little outing to go sideways. Closest guess gets a free pass when the next group payment comes up.’

‘So, it’s not a penalty game? I’m kinda surprised, coming from you, Kitten,’ Renka jeered, with a teasing smile.

‘Nah; that’d be no fun if it’s not guaranteed that Tsubaki would lose.’

Renka briefly giggled, prompting a stifled reaction from the doctor, sat directly behind the driver. ‘Please don’t encourage her, Captain,’ she wearily pleaded. As if asking will make any difference; there’s no stopping the idiot duo when they get like this…

Turning to face the other occupants, Renka teased, ‘So, I take it you don’t want to participate, Sensei? I think that classes as a forfeit. What do you two think?’

‘Yeah; a forfeit sounds about right, hehe.’ Hikari replied, while Kasumi nodded after the captain had finished speaking. ‘Don’t worry, Tsubaki; your only penalty would be picking up the entire bill for the next group payment.’

Imagine; living in a world where that’s very light on the scale of problematic penalties they could come up with… ‘Fine! I’m going with twenty minutes.’

‘I’m going with twelve minutes,’ Kasumi calmly added, with little delay.

‘Three minutes for me!’ the captain exclaimed almost instantly afterward.

‘Uwah; aren’t you all eager beavers. Either that or total cheapskates. I’m going with ten minutes then, I guess. The time now is 12:33, so, I guess we’ll start the clock when it ticks to 12:34.’ Even Tsubaki didn’t opt for guessing that we won’t encounter problems; I guess she’s finally beginning to understand the world that she now lives in…

The pickup truck continued to venture west, along its bizarre path until its progress slowed, while passing through a village.

Here we go; 12:45 and it looks like the moment has arri-, ‘Shit!’ Hikari squealed, as she stamped on the brake pedal, throwing all of the truck’s occupants forward within the confines of their seatbelts. ‘I’m not the only one seeing a lot of villagers scrambling in every which direction and hearing the odd honking sound of a bird(?) in the distance, am I?’

Before any of the women could reply, a knocking on the door glass next to Hikari’s head prompted her to turn sharply. A middle-aged woman, apparently unarmed, dressed plainly; there isn’t any gunfire nearby, so this makes no sense.

With a gentle buzz, Hikari’s window receded into the door. ‘What’s going on here?’

‘We’re under attack! You haven’t by any chance come to help us, have you??’

’12:46, ladies,’ Renka playfully announced.

The woman stood at the truck’s window furrowed her brows.

‘Don’t mind her; she’s a bit weird. Cool, but weird. Aaanyway, who are you under attack from? I don’t hear any gunfire or see any drones?’

‘Geese! A pair of wild geese! They’ve been terrorising our village for the past couple of hours! You wouldn’t happen to have anything that could help us catch them!? We’ve been struggling with them for so long that we’re willing to pay anybody who can help us! We don’t have much money, but we do have a lot of crops to spare, if that counts!’ The woman concluded, closing her eyes and pressing her hands together in a pleading gesture.

You have got to be shitting me. An actual wild goose chase. With a reward of resources which will help us further down the line; what are we? Old-school adventure game protagonists? No wonder the captain has that bonkers theory stuck in her head; she’s probably seen more loopy shit like this. Hikari turned to the other women in the truck, ‘Well, it looks like they’re at a loss, she did ask us nicely and they’re offering food which might store well, so we’re gonna help them, right?’

‘I’m down!’

‘It would give me a chance to test out Sayaka’s abilities, so I guess so?’ Tsubaki nervously questioned, closely followed by a nod and affirmative hum from the black and pink-haired woman sat across from her.

‘Thank you!’ the woman exclaimed, bowing after retreating a short distance from the window.

‘Don’t thank us yet; we might be capable but the famous saying exists for a reason,’ Hikari muttered, before gently pulling the truck to the side of the road.

The quartet exited and unhurriedly gathered up their equipment, while Hikari waited and assessed the state of the village. Elevation aside, it’s not too different from the setting where we met the twin sisters. Fairly close bunches of buildings creating an almost cramped feeling in one direction and what seem like fields rolling out behind them in another direction. I hope we don’t have to be chasing our target down in the fi-

‘Hey; thank you for the game back there.’

‘Pfft, you’ve come to rub it in? Fine, whatever; I’m gracious in defeat. Congratulations,’ Hikari waywardly replied, with a forced smile.

Huh? I wasn’t particularly trying to be confrontational, but she’s still irritated with me? Of the four of us, I probably have the least funds remaining, so being excused is quite helpful… Kasumi internally replied, keeping her expression neutral amid the awkward silence.

Without any expression or vocal cues to work from, I’ve no clue if you’re trying to get under my skin or not, Rose. Going from past experie-

‘Okay, Sayaka; it’s time to wake up. If you could please enter scout mode, with a target radius of three-hundred metres from my location, that would be much appreciated. Target is two wild geese; please inform me if you see either of them.’

With an audible whir, the quadcopter rose from the bed of the pickup truck and sped off into the distance.

‘Was she sleeping this whole time?’ Hikari enquired.

‘Yep; she has a rest mode or low-power state for transit, sort of like Subaru, except without an outright power switch.’

‘I see…’ Hikari remarked, with a curious tone before enthusiastically suggesting, ‘um, Cap, does this mean we’ll be following Tsubaki and her new friend for this mission?’

‘Hmm; yes. Skilled as we are at tracking and although we could use the incessant honking to track our targets, Sayaka would probably find them quicker than us. That said, lead the way, Sensei!’

‘Good luck; I’ll be here to support you if anything goes wrong,’ Hikari warmly advised with a playful smile.

‘Great, thank you. Now let get of me, please,’ Tsubaki barked, while trying to wriggle away from the arm which had wrapped around her back and waist. I hate how half the time the sensation of her pressed against me gets me going in ways that most definitely are not suitable for public disclosure. More so, I hate that my mind drifts to indecent places so quickly while we’re in the midst of a situation like this. ‘Sayaka, could you please send me a map view, with your location, my location and any target locations?’ After a few seconds spent staring at the screen of her phone, Tsubaki quietly remarked, ‘Good; the phone features seem to be stable as well as the command processing…’

The doctor briefly glanced up from her phone and jolted back slightly. ‘Do you all have to stare at me??’ she shakily asked.

‘We’re awaiting your command,’ Renka gaily replied, with a friendly smile.

Right; silly behaviour for a silly objective; I guess I should have seen this coming. A short double-blip sound from the device in the doctor’s hands sharply drew her eyes away. ‘There’s now a goose icon on the map as well, so I guess we’re heading north. Are you all really okay with heading out with no weapons?’

‘We wouldn’t use them on the geese and I’d like to think we won’t be encountering any armed enemies, so, no. Though now that you mention it, a sidearm might be fine, seeing as the kitten can conceal it,’ the captain responded, before quickly scampering to collect her HK45T and thigh holster from the truck’s passenger-side storage box.

‘Ehhh; Sensei’s running ahead of us. Now there’s a sight we don’t see often, or at all really.’

Oh, Captain, please. You’re only going to encour-

‘Honestly, I could get used to it, if I’m honest. The sight from back here is, ummm, let’s go with pleasant.’

Way to play up to my low expectations, Hikari.

‘Oi! Get back here!’

A shout from a man behind prompted the trailing pair of women to quickly turn and jog backwards for a brief period.

As Kasumi blankly spectated, Renka stifled a smirk. Sneaky goose. Pray tell; what business do you have with a pair of those?? I know we’re supposed to be helping and all, but it’s pretty hard not to laugh at a goose speeding down the road with a pair of stolen trousers in its beak.

‘Did something happen back there?’ Tsubaki asked, still running forwards, facing the opposite direction.

‘Nothing that needs immediate attention, heh. We can come back to it later.’ I wonder what Mr. Goose will have stolen by that point?...

After five minutes spent briskly weaving through the narrow passages, roadways and clusters of homes, the women halted in the middle of a street.

‘Hmm, that’s weird; Sayaka’s lingering nearby and the map says that the goose is here as well, but I don’t see it anywhere… Have any of you spotted it?’

‘Nuh uh.’

‘No.’

‘I’ve got nothing, Sensei. Not even any flapping sounds to go off either.’

‘Um, Sayaka, could you please give me a live feed fro-.’

‘Oi, what the?!?’

‘Eek!’ Tsubaki sharply jolted forward as she loudly yelped.

‘Tch. Where did it even come from? Alsooo, why didn’t either of you two try to capture it??’ Hikari blasted, with an irritated glare at both Renka and Kasumi.

‘Um, sorry? The loud honk and wild flapping startled us. That and none of us were expecting it to rapidly swoop down and have a taste of both of your rear ends, heh,’ Renka unsteadily replied, shrugging and displaying a wobbly smile.

‘Why’d it go for us and leave you two alone though?’ Hikari asked, still audibly irritated.

‘Some animals don’t like to waste energy; the goose probably sensed the immense useless aura that you two give off and deemed you easy targets, heh.’

‘Useless?’ Tsubaki blustered with an indignant and defiant tone, in response to the comment and teasing smile briefly shown by Kasumi.

‘You still have a lot to teach her, Kitten, heh,’ Renka giggled. ‘Anyway, in the midst of this conversation, our sneaky friend has made a pretty solid job of escaping,’ Renka informed, finishing with shaking her head, to gesture the direction.

‘Right, um, Sayaka, could you bring up that map again, please?’

The four women set off again, dashing through the village roadways for another few minutes before coming to a halt.

‘Uwah,’ the quartet synchronously remarked with amazed tones.

‘Has that bird been trained or something? How can it so fearlessly honk at villagers, steal their harumaki and practically dance in front of them or run rings around them without any of them laying a finger on it??’

Aside from the stealing harumaki bit(?), you and the goose are essentially cut from the same cloth then, Hikari. After turning to the black and purple haired woman, ‘Does it remind you of anybody?’ Tsubaki blankly asked.

‘No?’ Hikari asked, with a confused tone.

‘Anyway, we need to come up with a plan, because it’s pretty obvious that any ordinary methods will likely result in failure here, even if you are all highly capable with this sort of thing.’

‘We’ve no weapons and I’m not using any of mine either, but what about abilities?’ Hikari suggested.

‘I guess they’re fine to use, though I don’t know how they’ll make much of a difference in capturing our feathered friend. That and you had better have a plan for not triggering panic in this village as well.’

‘Welll, if you ask Sayaka to chase it away from the villagers, from out-of-sight, I could probably force it toward a cage or something, until we can get its friend and send them back out into the wild…’

‘Where they’ll probably return the next day and steal somebody’s bra and a few loaves of bread?’ Renka interjected, with a fairly unserious tone.

‘Maybe? That’s not our problem though; that’s just nature running its course, I guess,’ Hikari shrugged. ‘I totally want revenge for that assault on my behind, so I’d like to give it a try.’

‘Okayyy… Sayaka, could you please come down to about our head height and follow the target, with a target distance of 1.5 metres? Maintain a minimum of 1.5 metres from everybody else as well, please.’

Within a few seconds, the quadcopter zoomed close to the group of villagers and the large bird which continued to weave between them while loudly honking and occasionally pecking at them.

‘Good lu-.’

‘Thaaanks!’ Hikari hurriedly interjected, sprinting off, briefly sending a waving gesture behind her with a raised right hand.

Within a few seconds, the black and purple-haired woman reached the crowd. As much as I hate to admit it, a sound blast from Cap’s girlfriend would probably be ideal right about now.

The villagers all paused and turned their attention to the quadcopter, after a brief period of a loud alarm ringing drowned out the commotion coming from the group.

Thanks, Tsubaki. ‘Um, if you all don’t mind, the drone and I would like to have a go at capturing that little winged terrorist,’ Hikari plainly announced amid the ensuing quiet.

The men and women of the village slowly retreated from the bird, who then vigorously honked directly at the newly-arrived woman.

Flapping its wings rapidly, the goose charged toward Hikari, still honking as it advanced.

Oh ho?

Hikari shuffled back slightly and summoned an irritated frown, as the bird rushed toward her.

A sudden arrival from above triggered a quick skip backward. Ah, so Sayaka’s a fan of intimate exchanges too; relatable. The goose is heading back in the other direction as well, so this tag-team thing might actually work…

Hikari sprinted through the crowd of villagers, following the speeding target ahead of her as it honked away and furiously flapped its wings.

The black and purple-haired woman briskly pursued the goose for little more than a minute. The bird and the chasing woman weaved through a number of streets, followed and sometimes diverted in their heading by the quadcopter swooping down and holding position, to form a makeshift barrier.

A dead end? So, we can wrap this up quickly, maybe? ‘Uh, huh, what now? It looks like this is the end,’ Hikari quietly commented, with a small smug smile.

She slowly advanced, as the bird turned and once again honked straight at her.

‘Shit!’ she blurted, while swiftly diving to her side.

‘Ugh,’ Hikari waywardly groaned, as she sat up and brushed down her clothing. Her attention quickly turned to the cloudy skies. Right; I forgot that they have no qualms with using flight to be annoying. At least at that height, it’s probably not coming back down so soon… And neither is Sayaka; great. It would’ve been nice if she escorted me back; without a radio and phone coverage, I’m gonna be searching waywardly here.

‘I guess that’s one of them taken care of, for now at least,’ Tsubaki distractedly confirmed, as her eyes traced the path of the soaring bird and the trailing quadcopter across the cloudy backdrop. ‘Okay, Sayaka, please divert your attention from the bird in front you to another goose on the ground within a three-hundred metre radius of me.’ And there she goes… I’m guessing Hikari yet again set out without her radio; ever the liability that one. It’ll probably take her age- ‘Eep!’

‘Did you miss mee? Why are you looking at the sky as if you’re daydreaming?’ Hikari asked, pulling her hand back from the point on the doctor’s waist that she gently pressed.

‘What is with you and the extremely tactile behaviour today??’ And what’s with me and the seemingly involuntary pleasure that I derive from it??

‘Just conducting a few tests, for scientific purposes,’ Hikari replied, with a teasing smile and innocent tone. ‘Alllso; one of the villagers offered me this small bag of birdseed while I made my way back here, which has kinda given me an idea, though it depends on where the second public enemy is. Has your new friend found them yet?’

As the final words escaped Hikari’s lips, Tsubaki’s phone emitted two short chirps, drawing her eyes down. ‘Yes, and it looks like they’re lurking in an open field,’ the doctor replied, with a hint of irritation. What did you have in mind?’

‘Deprive the target of being able to register our presence using sight and sound, maybe use Sayaka as a distraction and then land the feathered menace in a cage. If they’re anything like the one which almost took my head off just now, they’ll probably fly away once we let them out, knowing that their fun’s over, for now at least.’

‘Okayy, Kitten, but do you have an actual plan for getting the bird into the cage?’

‘Your girlfriend and I work together? I can bring and keep a cage shrouded while she lures it in with the birdseed. I know it sounds like some twentieth century cartoon shit, but it’s the best I could come up with.’

‘Why am I working with you?’ Kasumi blankly enquired.

‘There’s no way you’re not the strongest of us here, that and sound is your domain. Also, if yesterday’s any reliable reference point, you’re probably the best animal whisperer of us as well.’

‘Right.’ So, I guess you don’t hate me then? Though it is hard to tell without you being as upbeat as you are with Tsubaki-sensei or Renka…

‘Okay, so we’re heading off in that direction, towards the fields,’ Tsubaki advised, as Hikari handed the small sack to Kasumi.

Following an almost four-minute period, spent jogging through the relatively quiet village streets, three of the four women arrived at a fence for the field which supposedly hosted their target.

‘Um, Sayaka, could you give me a video feed again, please.

‘Huh? Could you zoom in please Sayaka, by a factor of two.

‘And zoom by another factor two, please.’

I wondered why this one wasn’t making so much noise… After almost ten seconds spent silently studying her phone screen, the doctor’s eyes peeled away.

‘I’ve got a big enough cage, so, are we good to go?’ Hikari asked, with a ponderous tone and slightly raised brow.

‘We have a problem. The video suggests that the goose has been pretty busy. It’s managed to acquire one unfortunate lady’s camisole and it’s currently wearing it. It’s not wearing it well; I mean, the strap is wrapped around its neck and the rest of it’s lying on the bird’s back... Anyway, the big problem is that the goose is armed.’

The other three women’s gazes sharpened on the doctor.

‘I’m not making it up; it’s holding the stem of a metal fish slice in its beak, so when you head out there, beware.’

‘Well, uh, good luck out there, you two. I’ll be praying for your safe return,’ Renka encouraged, with a straight face and serious tone.

I can’t tell if you’re being serious or messing about here, Cap. That said, if this one’s as fast as the other one, then we do definitely need to be careful, Hikari considered, as she turned toward the green expanse. Should I advise her on how best to track me while we’re invisible? A part of me thinks I should and another part thinks that she’ll probably read me as being condescending, so maybe I should keep quiet...

The pair carefully and silently traversed the yellow-green expanse for a few minutes, with the only evidence of their existence coming from the swaying of the grass and crops beneath their feet, along with the bag of birdseed, seemingly drifting along in mid-air.

‘Here we go,’ Hikari murmured, as she set the cage down on the grassy floor, before shuffling clear, to around a few metres away from it.

Then again, perhaps she only wanted me here to avoid getting smacked, pecked or stabbed(?) by the goose herself. Kasumi slowly edged closer to the slowly wandering bird as the nearby whirring of rotor blades provided the main background noise for the scene.

It’s exactly like I imagined; a scene from an old-school cartoon, with a floating pile of birdseed approaching the goose, heh. I guess this is the moment of truth…

The goose turned its head toward the small pile of food, halted and remained in place.

This isn’t like Wednesday, where I can replicate the sounds, to turn the animal friendly. After having gone through the however many conflict zones in the past week without being so exposed, this is an oddly tense situation, confirmed by my nervous, elevated heartbeat.

After a short while, where the goose studied the pile of floating food, it slowly waddled toward it, fish slice still clasped in its beak.

I’m near enough frozen with fear, afraid that a sudden movement will result in it going wild and lashing out with a pecking and flapping tirade.

The pile of assorted seeds slowly drifted from its position.

I doubt I’m imagining it; beads of sweat are starting to form under my arms.

The food wandered a short distance across the field, with the winged creature in tow, occasionally hurrying its waddling, causing the food pile to move erratically.

After another half minute or so, the bird honked and flapped violently, sharply jolted forward, before a metal clank escaped beneath the large din thrown up by the goose. Despite its thrashing, its movement had been confined to a roughly one square metre area.

Both women released heavy sighs of relief, as they and the cage popped back into view.

‘We didn’t die, heh. Come on; lighten up. Aren’t you at least happy that we’re now done here?’

Kasumi briefly flashed a small smile before briskly setting off in the direction of the field’s entrance.

‘Hey! Aren’t you gonna help me bring this cage back? I can’t do it alone while the goose is in such a lively state!’

‘I’ll help when it’s calmed down,’ Kasumi bluntly replied, without turning back to face Hikari.

Ugh, we don’t have all day though. I guess shifting the cage while invisible would greatly reduce the risk of getting whacked or bitten, so maybe I’ll give that a try… On the upside, at least Sayaka’s stuck around this time, not that she can help me much…

After hauling the cage back to the pickup truck and lifting it onto the load bed, the goose had finally reduced the vigour of its flapping and the volume of its honking to fairly peaceful and non-threatening levels. Kasumi helped further defuse the scenario by offering the birdseed to the captured goose, which it heartily consumed within an instant of each handful reaching within range of its beak.

‘Thank you, ladies! For bringing peace back to our village, for now at least. Could we possibly trouble you for one more favour?’ the same woman who had initially flagged the quartet down once more pleaded.

‘Please don’t tell me you’ve also got a highly venomous snake problem?’ Renka wearily remarked, prompting a chuckle from the older woman.

‘Nothing like that. Our last harvest needs a transporter, to bring the crops to the unified storage centre and marketplace. Our drivers keep on getting halted and taxed while on their travels, to the point where they’re unwilling to transport goods without special arrangements in place. Transporting our food materials through the trying network that our roadways have become shouldn’t be too much trouble for women as resourceful and efficient as yourselves?’

‘Well, it isn’t even mid-afternoon yet, so I guess we could give it a whirl, right ladies?’ Renka asked, turning to face the other three.

After receiving nods of varying levels of enthusiasm, the captain confirmed, ‘It looks like it won’t be too much trouble, though our truck does have pretty limited carrying capacity,’ with a slightly nervous frown.

‘Ah! We already have a loaded 13 ton truck. You girls have to come back here to collect the grain and vegetables that we’re giving you as a reward anyway, so we’re fine with you taking it.’

‘I heard you’re not too bad with driving trucks, Kitten; so, I guess that’s your duty this afternoon.’

‘Yes, yes, Cap.’

❀

After releasing the captured goose back into the wild and journeying west, to deliver the villager’s harvested crops, the four women returned to the village, to collect large bags of flour, rice, tea leaves and an assortment of vegetables, filling the Hilux’s load bed up to the brim.

The women set off eastward, back toward their temporary home, with the sunlight almost completely faded beyond the horizon behind them.

‘Nothing like an honest day’s work, I guess?’

‘Heh; good one, Kitten, though almost completely sorting our food issue in one outing is pretty good going. That and being able to say that we have indeed successfully completed a wild goose chase is a pretty good entry for the scrapbook.

‘Jokes aside, with the hangar’s defences now in place and one of our main resource-gathering missions almost completed within a single afternoon, I think you’ve all earned a break for this evening, sooo, after we’ve changed Subaru’s batteries, why don’t we all take a breather and refresh ourselves at the nearby onsen?’

‘Is that an attempt to escape that discussion we’re due to have?’

After emitting a sharp, awkward stutter, the captain unsteadily replied. ‘Nooo; I’m prepared to face the music as it were.’ She said, knowing full well that she’ll probably end up melting; with levels of horny amplified by being told off.

‘Stay with us, Cap, please. I guess we’re all treating you then, Rose. I should’ve known that such an oddly-specific guess would’ve ended up winning.’

‘Don’t get all sulky now, Hikari; at least you weren’t miles off, like the captain and I.’

‘Speaking of miles off; you two should have your own talk while you’re at the onsen. It’s not my place to tell you what to discuss, but talk about something, please. Even if it’s something trivial like robots or yuri manga. You two are honestly becoming painful to watch; no wonder that goose picked on the pair of you, heh.’

‘Thank you for the reminder, Captain,’ Tsubaki exasperatedly replied.

‘You’re welcome, Sensei,’ Renka teased, with a playful smile. Here’s hoping I won’t have to be so direct again…