No Katy Parry, I don't feel

 Having a panic attack is kinda like how people would feel if they were about to make an impossible decision that could determine the fate of a whole universe, but there is no decision, just panic.

I try controlled breathing, does not work, just almost pass out

I try to count to 10, does not work, just sputters gibberish

After Atsuo sees me pleading for help, she carries me by the shoulder back to the car.

4 stars, good takoyaki, got a panic attack.

I eventually am able to calm myself by reminding myself that it’ll be all over soon.

The entire car ride, I could feel that Atsuo had a question that she wanted to ask but didn't for whatever reason.

“I don’t care” I think “A good answer to a question leads to more questions, questions that I don’t have time for”.

We go back to the house (I mean I am better now) and we see someone on the driveway unlocking the door.

“Daitan?” I say as I enter the driveway, realizing that it is her.

Daitan is muttering something to herself, when she looks at me and has a sort of shock on her face.

“Um uh” she stutters out “I was just getting a signature from Ado”.

“Then what's that?” I ask while pointing to the fumo plushy on the other hand from her keys.

Daitan stutters a bit more before declaring “I DON’T LIKE ANIME” and slams the door.

I ignore that the best that a sane person can and enter the house to find Anton and Jiro, seeming to finally settle that argument from 2 days ago, now watching the cast of some anime playing baseball.

“No not the oven” I think to myself “I can’t even fit in there”.

“So you guys ready for the fireworks?” Daitan asks all of us, as if, once again, it's not a threat to my well being.

“It’s quote on quote fireworks” Anton corrects “They don’t allow anything in Japan”.

“Yeah because we don’t want a gender reveal party to cause a wildfire” Jiro replies.

“Why are you here?” I blurt out.

Anton stamers a bit before saying “Because this is my house?” in the way where someone asks a question that seems obvious but doesn't know where they're going with it.

“No that’s not I ment” I reply “ Why are you living here in Japan where it seems like you’re complaining about it almost all the time?”.

“Hey Atsuo, cover your ears” Jiro says with the same casualness as if it’s some routine skit he does with Atsuo 24/7.

“Ok” Atsuo replies like that is a normal thing to do.

“The reason why he’s still here is because he likes Atsuo,” Jiro says while Anton is trying to kill him.

“Yeah I know” I say in a very monotone voice.

“Is there anyone here who doesn't know I like Atsuo?!” Anton pleads.

“Yeah, Atsuo,” Daitan says helpfully.

Jiro then gives a thumbs up to Atsuo, who lets down her ears and doesn't even ask about what we were talking about.

Instead she asks “When do you think Reina is coming back for the fireworks”.

“Wait, why are we even having fireworks?” I ask.

“We’re doing fireworks because of marine day” Anton says, doing the quote on quote sign while saying fireworks.

“Once again, wasn't that yesterday?” I ask.

“Yeah…” Daitan says “Because of Anton being a crybaby we had to postpone it to today.

I see Anton looking like he’s about to explode and I'm half convinced that he is going to.

Instead he stands up and walks out the door, saying to us before going out “we're starting 7 pm” and slams the door (for context it’s right now 12 pm).

“So you want to watch some anime?” Jiro asks us “Kaguya-sama love is war or SPYXFAMILY?”.

Daitan and Atsuo are already gone, Daitan to probably stream something but idk what Atsuo is doing.

“Oh” Jiro says to himself, very disappointed.

I think about consoling him, but i’m not in the mood right now, having thought about suicide kinda prevents that.

Instead I just chill around, thinking of a plan that is guaranteed to work.

Nothing really happens for the whole time, all I know is that Daitan was playing a game called katawa-shoujo, and Jiro was watching anime.

Anton comes back and says “Really? Reina isn't back yet?”.

At that exact moment, We all hear something in Reina's room.

“A robber?” I guess.

“A pervert?” Anton guesses.

“Asuka?” Jiro jokingly says.

I decide to go and check as I don’t trust either Jiro or Anton to stop the robber appropriately.

I’m about to open the door when, of course, the door hits me.

“Huh it seems like the robber has a resemblance to Reina” Anton says. “Also I just fixed that door. What the frick happened there?!”.

It turns out that the robber was very related to Reina, almost like they’re the same person.

“Told you it was Asuka '' Jiro says in a tone where they’re trying not to laugh but it's obvious that they're about to burst out laughing.

“Reina” I say to Reina “What the hell?”.

“Eh? I just went through the window” She says as if she just went through the back door of the house (There is no back door).

“Why did you come from the window?!” I ask.

She shrugs.

I say “What does” I shrug “Mean?”.

“Ignoring that” Reina says “Look at this Totoro plushie I got!”.

“You really like old anime huh” Jiro says.

“There just hasn't been anything good lately” she says.

Jiro starts to flare up like he’s about to kill Reina with his glare.

“Are we doing fireworks now?” Atsuo says.

“I guess” I say as I stand up from the floor after being startled.

“IT’S NOT FIREWORKS” Anton says about the fireworks.

“Well what you did yesterday was definitely the waterworks” Jiro remarks.

“I TOLD YOU I WAS JUST DRUNK” Anton cries out.

“Why don’t we just go to a firework show?” I ask everyone.

“Anton feels like if he does the show himself he’ll be more quote on quote american”. Daitan says.

As I get up from being started again I ask “Daitan and Atsuo, do you guys just teleport sometimes?”.

Atsuo says an exasperating “No?” and Daitan says an exasperating “Yes”.

They then look at each other with the expression that says “What the frick are you talking about”.

“Could you get the lighter?” Anton asks “It’s in the middle drawer”.

“Sure” I say as Anton gets the sparklers out of a closet.

After looking for a little bit, I find the lighter and then it hits me, I deserve to suffer.

Instead of using someone's weapon I would just set myself on fire, the only problem is I’m a crybaby over pain and will probably scream while burning.

So once again, I'll just use the bathroom, I mean I didn't even enter it last time.

The plan is, pretend to enjoy my time with the sparklers, then go into the bathroom, lock myself in with the lighter already on, and the rest will be history.

“I should probably do it in the bathtub” I think to myself “Don’t want to burn the house down”.

I don’t really know what to say after, it was sparklers, I never was particularly interested in them but used to think that it was a fun thing to do with friends.

As if I have friends now.

At some point Daitan disappeared into the house to probably start streaming again.

I excuse myself to go to the bathroom (The best way to manipulate someone is to tell the truth) and walk away.

I walk up to the bathroom and set myself on fire (Not letting anything go to waste this time) and enter the door.

I start to burn so take a step to the bathtub when I trip on something (I’ve lived in this house for a few days I know how these bathrooms work) and fall down, smothering the flame.

I look back to see Daitan, not on the toilet (Thank god), but purging.

I just look at her like “This shit again?” while i thought she would frantically think up some explanation for this.

She instead instantly runs out the door to them to- idk put less trust into me by saying to them I tried to murder her.

I realize that I would have to stop her in some way by saying something smart.

I blurt out “You like Anton”. Instead.

Somehow that was the correct answer, because as soon as I say that, she trips and almost hits her head on the table next to where I sleep.

“Well I stopped her” I mumble.