Survival of the smartest

It was time to fight that damn spider. I had enough of this damn set. This whole experience has been hell for me. I honestly don't care if I kill that spider IRL. In fact, I was planning on doing just that.

Once the bell rang, I charged at her. However, I forgot one key thing. This was a 2 v 2, and Dumbee was on my team.

"Crikey mate! I got the spider," Dumbee smiled as he picked up Ri-chan.

"Iyaaa!" Ri-chan happily moaned as she felt Dumbee's rock solid swole hairy chest.

"I wanna yaoi that hunk," Blaine the yowie declared as he leapt for Dumbee and kissed him on the lips.

Ri-chan immediately got heart eyes and lost consciousness due to a massive nosebleed. Then, Dumbee tossed her out onto the cushion outside the ring.

"Ri-chan is out!" the ref stated.

"Out!? Well then I'm-OUCH!"

The ring was suddenly electrified and a giant metal cage fell on it.

"Whoops, sorry, but due to safety concerns, we had to modify the script a bit," Ri-chan snickered as she glanced at me.

"Safety!? There's a giant electric cage! My hand was nearly fried when I touched it!" I shouted.

"Yeah, it's to keep all of us safe from you."

The three cheerleaders along with Shitty Sal then walked up and glared at me.

"And what are you 4 staring at!?" I glared.

"I knew you were known to be a bitch, but my face still has a nasty scar from when you slashed me with your nails!" one of the cheerleaders glared.

"Was that really a big deal? Now that I'm a hairless freak, I think its fair for you to have a nasty scar to balance things out."

"What's wrong with you!? Ya know, I think your beauty was probably the only thing you had going for you, but now that that's gone, I think you're finished."

"Oh I'll be getting my hair back in full! I have the money to do it. In fact, let's just end the filming now so I can restore my hair."

"Uh, I heard the docs say your hair follicles are gone for good. Well, I guess it's OK to have you waste money like that."

"If I can't get my hair back, I'll just bring the whole industry down. In fact I think I'll do that either way."

"If you want the filming to end, then you'll have to do an erotic sex scene with me," Ri-chan snickered.

"I already filmed some footage of me acting erotic and gave it to the producer."

"Damn, that actually is a smart play. Well, guess I'll give you a chance. Answer my riddles three and you're free to go. Number 1, describe your hair."

"Easy, it's long, luscious, and black."

"Wrong, you're bald as fuck. Well, we'll go for question 2. What is the purpose of the show?"

"To find a yowie into yaoi."

"I'll give it to you. Alright, get the final one right and you win 2 to 3. Why did I decide to put you through all this hell?"

"You hate me."

"WHY do I hate you?"

"Because you do."

"*Sigh* I want a specific answer. Here's a hint, it's because you maliciously lied about a guy stalking you back in middleschool just because he fell for a girl you hated instead of simping for you like the other guys."

A personal grudge? So that's why I was so vehemently begged to star in this role? Well thanks for the hint because I remembered just who you're referring to. You're mad that I hated your boyfriend Nobuto after he decided to court Yukino. I hated that bitch. She was richer than me, had silkier hair than me, and had larger breasts than me. Wait, I also met with those guys that kidnapped her! But she only cares about Nobuto. Yes, I'll just apologize for Nobuto.

"I made a mistake and thought Nobuto was stalking me. I'm sorry," I said.

"WRONG!"

"HUH!?"

"You did something to the girl he loved and decided to pin everything on him. He was nearly arrested and received lots of hell from that girl's family to the point where he dropped out of school and moved to Hokkaido."

"But he came back and became a writer."

"That got murdered."

"Is this just going to be another one of your-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Dumbee had flown into me sending both of us into the electric cage. 

When I came to, I was sitting nearly nude in a hotspring tied up with a gag ball in my mouth. My breasts were covered with a gift ribbon while and my lower half was submerged in the water obscuring it from view.

*Maddie lost 111 brain cells to revive herself and Dumbee*

"Looks like the count hit zero. Now then, itadakimasu," Ri-chan snickered as she pounced on Maddie wearing nothing but a towel.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Maddie screamed in terror.

                                                                          ...

In the outback, Dumbee sat and played patty-cake with the rest of the cast.

"I found a yaoi Yowie mate!" he smiled at Roux.

"Crazy man," Roux cackled as he rode on his unicycle.

"Hey, let me have another cameo," Prune king Luigi begged as security prevented him from setting foot on stage.

"Looks like Drop Bear Dumbee has become the greatest Zoologist ever, and found a Yowie into yaoi, as well as me, a Yowie into yuri. Thanks for watching," Yowyahoo smiled.

                                                                       [The End]