Awakening

Katie listened to the conversation outside of her door like a prisoner eavesdropping on the mundane struggles of those who guarded them.

Without her phone to satiate her, she was left to rot in a sea of her own thoughts. This was the second time tonight that Frankie had come up to their- to her door. The first time, she had the mercy not to speak, though it would’ve been obvious to anyone what she was doing. Why else would you confiscate the scissors from a childhood arts-and-crafts box, or remove the long, thick-strapped travel bag from a girl’s room? Why take away the sharp, pointy pencils, the oh-so delicate half-empty glasses, or the forgotten conductive metal fork left next to it? Why get rid of the pills she all but required to get to sleep, alongside the chairs, the heavy boxes, the big and weighty things left atop the high shelf of their closet? 

Why, thinking of all this, she was reminded very much of how it often felt to look at all the rides of a theme park.

“…Hello?”

This time, she did speak, though only softly and with a great deal of hesitation, through the empty shell of empathy concealing her pity. Katie wanted to get up and strangle her.

“I brought you food…” Frankie sat the meal their mother made on her now-barren bedside table. She didn’t bother to look at it. Katie figured she would hurt Frankie in a different way. The exhaustion was too much for her to move, so did something far worse.

Looking down at her big sister, it was more like staring at a newborn. The fetal child was sad, afraid, more than anything, hopeless. She didn’t know what she could say to her. It was a wonder she’d managed to calm her girlfriend down, and now this…

“Kate…”

Katie let her rub her hand on her shoulder, but the light massage did more for Frankie than the one in need of it. Even though they both knew this, nobody said anything about it.

“Are you worried about me?”

She spoke like she was talking through a filter. Almost inaudibly, she stuck a vocal spear into her sister’s heart and twisted the blade. Frankie broke up into uneven tears immediately.

“K-Katie… I-I love you, you know that… of course I’m worried…”

“Why did you come in here earlier?”

Just as planned, Frankie began to stutter.

“I- I was… worried…”

“I’m sorry I got up on that bridge yesterday… I wasn’t really going to do it. I swear.”

“…I know you weren’t.” Frankie lied. “…But still.”

She tried hugging her. It wasn’t easy, the way she was laying down.

“Are you still sad?”

“Of course I’m sad, Katie… this… this is a really hard time. And… and I don’t know what we’re going to do, other than… just live until we can’t.”

“You sure seem scared.”

“Are you joking…? I’m terrified…”

“Oh. I’m not too stressed about it anymore.”

The innocent little sister blinked.

“…You’re… not?”

“No. Not at all.”

“What about… your dream?”

Katie didn’t even have to look at Frankie as she delivered the final blow.

“Dreams are nice, because you can always wake up and realize nothing in them mattered.”

Neither of them slept that night.